Latest Stories
Most recently published stories in Psyche.
Schrodinger's Ticket
Schrodinger’s Ticket I’ve just gotten off work and I swing into my local convenient store. “And one lotto ticket for tomorrow’s drawing please,” is how I finish off my purchases. A fool’s tax is what many call it, but I would disagree. At the very least I have found a non foolish way to rationalize the purchase.
By Matthew Nachtsheim5 years ago in Psyche
The Individuation Process: Why It's Important!
Quick Facts -Some of us find meaning in disassociating from society and become a whole, authentic individual! -The individuation process often includes meditation, the subjective discovery of who we really are, and the integration of the parts of our personality that are ignored, pushed away, or unnoticed!
By Gabriel Mohr5 years ago in Psyche
Hiding in Plain Sight
In 2019 I heard words from my doctor I didn't expect. "You have been dealing with chronic depression your whole life." I looked at him with skepticism and replied, "I can't be chronically depressed. I get up every day and I go to work and do what I have to do, and I'm not depressed all the time." Fortunately, I have a wonderful doctor who I can trust to always be honest with me. Hearing those words was a shock; but as they sunk in, it was the beginning of understanding myself in a new and liberating way. I learned that I suffer from a form of depression called "High functioning chronic depression." It is one of the hardest to diagnose because the sufferer has the ability to function on a daily basis, while hiding the non-stop internal struggle to remain productive. We can have periods of high productivity also. But the difference is; we may be in emotional agony at the same time. Childhood trauma and abuse exacerbate any type of mental illness and I am one of those survivors. The feeling of emotional isolation and the judgement of others is the most painful aspect for me. The smarter and more talented the sufferer is; the harder it can be to recognize. Those who suffer from this are most often exceptionally perceptive of everything around us and ultra-sensitive to the feelings of others. We are often able to see the big picture when others can't. That knowledge can be an overwhelming burden to carry. "You are so smart and talented. Why aren't you famous? Why haven't you done more? Why are you doing a job that is so unworthy if your abilities?" I have grown used to hearing comments like this from others and I ask myself these questions when I am at my lowest. I never had an answer. Comments like that have added to my pain and the guilt I have carried my whole life for not accomplishing so much more. There is a non-stop inner dialogue that the HFCD sufferer experiences that is a heavy burden to carry. We suffer from an unusually high fear of failure, even though we are typically highly talented and intelligent. We overthink everything often causing us to just give up on a project or an idea. This form of depression is exacerbated if other conditions exist such as ADD/ADHD/OCD or any other challenging personality condition. I am ADD/ADHD combo with HFCD. I spent the first forty-eight years of my life not having any answers for the failures, the lost opportunities and the emotional agony of just trying to survive, meet my responsibilities and find some happiness in my life. At 48, I was fully tested for ADD/ADHD. That was when I began to understand myself in a way that finally allowed me to accomplish things I would have never thought possible. I completed 2 college degrees in 5 years, raised my son as a single mother and saw him successfully complete high school, college and achieve independence as a responsible, loving, and exceptionally talented man. And yet, there are still days when I do not see all the good I have done; I only see what I haven't done. "Fitting in" is perhaps the most painful aspect of HFCD. We make up about 1.5-2% of Americans who suffer from chronic depression. "I can hide my depression so well that people around me have no idea what I’m dealing with unless I clue them in. What I wish everyone realized is that allowing yourself to reach out for help is half the battle. The other half is continuing to help yourself because depression can always be there waiting to trick you with these awful, untrue thoughts like: ‘You’re worthless,’ ‘You’re no good,’ ‘No one cares.’” Sherry Amatenstein, Psycom, online article)! This adds an additional challenge. Since fewer people can relate, the feelings of isolation are often intensified. I have been fortunate to have a small circle of friends who love me and give me the pep talks I need and the emotional support I need when I become overwhelmed. They may not completely understand what I feel; but they CAN see what I can't and won't let me fall. Even with that support; there are still days I struggle to remain positive and not fall apart. The world situation is adding an immense weight to the burden I normally carry. It has been SO much harder to fight depression and anxiety for me during the last few years. As a woman, I am still experiencing menopause symptoms while coping with all of this. Sometimes I just have to keep reminding myself of how much I am experiencing so I can stop being so hard on myself. I have always hated labels. I've never wanted to be put in a "category". I am beginning to understand that all of these "labels" are just starting points to help me understand, accept and love myself. We are all complex and unique individuals. I just want to be happy and keep becoming the best person I can be. I don't want to be mentally and emotionally imprisoned in this cycle of endless struggle, guilt and disappointment in myself anymore. Life is a journey of self-discovery that never ends. I just want the journey to be less painful. I want to believe in myself and be the person I was meant to be. I hope my words will help other HFCD sufferers find hope and purpose. Leslie Perkel
By Leslie Perkel5 years ago in Psyche
How a Survivor Survives Divorce
Divorce sucks. Regardless of the circumstances between you and your former spouse, it's going to be difficult. The number of years you were married doesn't seem to lessen the emotional sting, either. I have an aunt who recently divorced after forty years of marriage and a close friend who, like me, divorced after five. Both have experienced and are still experiencing pangs of grief that, like chronic illnesses, really never go away completely. But, I'm not writing this piece for "normal" divorcees (whatever that means). This short essay is for anyone else who, like me, had to divorce swiftly, with a protection order.
By Jenny Rowe5 years ago in Psyche
The ADHD Symptom No One Talks About
In third grade, Jeff was the coolest kid in our class. He was friends with everyone; kids wanted to sit with him at recess, to play soccer with him at lunch on the wide gravel field. His jokes got laughs from the entire class, often derailing lessons much to the dismay of our teacher. Jeff was so popular that adults would need to intervene to help him decide which kids to partner with during group projects, the long line of hopeful acquaintances snaking away from his desk.
By Erin Eliza5 years ago in Psyche
A Strong Condemnation of Your Enemies Encourages False Allies.
I’ve noticed a consistent frustration within myself over the last couple of years revolving around authenticity. Most people when asked, will of course say that they value people being honest and authentic in their interactions with others; however, this seems to be deeply incompatible with how they act.
By Michael J D Martin5 years ago in Psyche
Edibles Vs Anxiety Disorder
Okay, so if you are reading this, you are not against the plant known as Marijuana. It also means my title has caught your attention, so hello and thank you for stopping by. This short story is less of a story and maybe more of a heads up to others so that they don't have to go through what I did.
By Eva Slivka5 years ago in Psyche
Destructive Addiction
One particular friend I have, has a regular habit of hopping on Facebook and liking the inspirational and motivational photo quotes that I post my profile each day. He's been battling with depression, and was very appreciative of some of the messages I would post to help him think positive, focus on his happiness, and improve his mindset. Over the past week or so though, I noticed that he had stopped doing so, plus I also noticed that he stopped posting anything on his own profile also, so I became a little concerned. I took the opportunity to direct message him, just to check in on him and make sure he was okay. Thankfully, all was good with him, and he's actually away enjoying himself on a holiday, which is great news. He did mention to me though, that he had indeed stopped posting content, and liking my quotes, because he has taken it upon himself to withdraw from engaging in social media, in a bid to protect his mental health. He had been the subject of constant judgement, criticism, and harassment, from many of his so called friends and associates, whilst also being tired with the lack of support, care, compassion, and understanding, of his current health situation. Upon hearing this, I could totally resonate with what he was saying. I, myself, once posted opinions, beliefs, views, and personal feelings on my Facebook profile, and I too, would get criticized, judged, and harassed, also by my friends and even family members. A couple of years ago, I realized just how toxic social media really can be. Whilst everybody is entitled to an opinion, and also entitled to share it on social media, no one has the right to criticize, belittle, harass, bully, and demean, anyone else for their opinion, whether it may be right or wrong! It's why I made the decision to not post opinions, beliefs, or even anything with no substance or purpose, any longer, and instead, I have just been sharing uplifting and beneficial quotes.
By David Stidston5 years ago in Psyche
