Journey To Sobriety

Growing up, I heard the stories and saw the commercials telling you to "Just say no to drugs." I attended Red Ribbon Week at school and all the other anti-drug programs. I was raised in a household which had a zero tolerance policy for drugs. I remember thinking "I would never do drugs." But it turns out Justin Bieber was right when he said "never say never."

I got high for the first time at 15 with some friends. To be honest, I'm not sure why I did it. Maybe it was a bit of peer pressure? Maybe I was running away from the problems of life. I wish I could pinpoint one single reason, but I believe that decision was made based on a variety of different reasons. It was supposed to be a casual thing on weekends when I wanted to just "let loose." However, it quickly turned into an everyday thing.

By the time I was 17, I was a full-blown drug addict. Any drug you are thinking of in your head right now, I tried it. If it had promises of getting you high, I was all about it. I was constantly chasing a high. Because when I was high, life faded away. None of life's problems seemed to matter anymore, and that's exactly what I was looking for. All I had to do was pop a pill, take a drink, or hit the pipe, and for those hours, I felt free.

I'm what you call a "functional drug addict." Meaning, unless you were in my circle or knew the signs, you would never know. I held down a full-time job, paid the rent on time, and took care of business, all while being an addict. Looking back, I don't know how I did it.

Since I never showed any signs, I was able to keep this up for years without anyone catching on. When I turned 20, that's when things started to take a turn. I overdosed one night. I was in and out of consciousness for 2 days straight. When I finally came to, I told myself I would quit. You see, I had convinced myself over the years of a lie that at any time I could quit if I wanted to. And for the first time that night, I realized I couldn't quit. I spent the next 6 months trying to quit and failing.

Throughout those 6 months, I ended up taking laced drugs a couple of times. I also started to get sick. My body had become dependent on the drugs. After a scary experience, I realized I didn't want this anymore and I had to quit, no matter what. I finally made the decision to get sober.

It took me 5 months to get completely sober. I would get clean for a couple of days and then relapse. Each relapse was hard. There were times I never thought I would make it out. But I did it.

Staying sober has been the hardest part of the journey. While you may be able to have a sip of alcohol here and there with your dinner or hit a joint to relax and be fine, I will never be able to do that. Trust me, I've tried. Because one drink on a weekend leads to day drinking all week long. One puff leads me to wanting more and stronger things.

I won't lie and say that since that moment 2 years ago that I have been sober. Because I've slipped up more than once between then and now. And as I'm writing this, the thoughts of relapsing are strong. And maybe that's why I'm here writing this. To remind myself of the journey and how I can't ever go back. I won't let the slip-ups define me.