It's in your head

Art therapy surprised me and changed my life in a way that I could not have predicted. I didn't like the idea at first; I had trouble letting go, and I didn't like the idea of potentially ruining my design. I've learned the hard way that attempting to control the outcome is more destructive.

Letting go means releasing the oars and allowing the tide to reveal what is going on in your mind and heart. There is always the anticipation we aren't ready for the outcome. Our bodies and minds have a way of communicating to us in the most helpful way possible. I've learned that even if the message is painful, it's offered in a positive way.

Art therapy offers multiple benefits. It may reveal an answer we seek, or provide the positive feedback we need. We may see a scenario from a new angle and discover why it was necessary and beneficial. Maybe we need to shift to big-picture energy while we struggle to make sense of navigating the weeds.

I completed my first therapeutic art project before I understood what I was doing. I am a quilt maker at heart, and I was inspired to recreate a small sketch I had drawn on a whim in fabric.

Throughout the healing process, we can offer the energy and emotion of the pain to arise through journaling, sketching, yoga, meditation, and physical activity to name a few. I am often inspired to create art, so I picked up my pen and began sketching.

The ideas began flowing out of my pen right away. Suddenly, it appeared; a simple, seemingly meaningless scribble appeared—and I knew it was the one. Something about it caught my eye: It had great composition and flow.

To understand the root of the sketch, you need to know a little about my story.

I am a firm advocate of mental health, and it's not because I'm a therapist, although that certainly is part of it, it's much more than that. I will always participate in therapy, as a client, because it is a safe place to release extra baggage, and work through deep triggers that have the potential to interrupt otherwise healthy relationships. Therapy offers safety and a judgement-free zone to receive feedback and guidance because leaning on our loved ones and intimate partner can put unnecessary stress on the dynamics.

I am grateful for the bachelor's and master's programs that I trained in, and all the professors I had along the way that encouraged personal growth and development. Learning alongside fellow mental health professionals is one of the greatest experiences of being in the field, and the lessons I've been fortunate enough to take away from my time in the roles I've filled will remain with me forever.

Lived experiences that my personal journey has provided may be one of the greatest strengths I offer. Most of the mental health professionals I was lucky enough to connect with have been through traumatic life events, trafficking, addiction, childhood adversity, abusive toxic relationships, abandonment, isolation, assault, or a combination of these. We are in the field because we want to make a difference in the world. I am no exception to this. I have experienced many of these, at various times in my life. The experiences often overlapped one another and others weren't present without being led by another.

Traumatic experiences are woven into our lives and we are the only ones who truly understand our traumatic events because they are the events that caused our trauma. Someone else experiencing the exact event may not be traumatized, and this is what makes it so personal. It's personal perception and interpretation. Sometimes there are exceptions to this, which arise when an abuser in our life who has an intimate understanding of our trauma, and exploits that to induce traumatic experiences, adding to our pain.

Actively participating in therapy helps us identify and modify toxic interactions to break this cycle and move forward to a better place. This is important because they present differently, but often have similar outcomes. Therapy helped me identify the what's, who's, when's, and why's of the trauma I've experienced throughout my life, and resulted in truly effective creative output.

Trauma therapy lowers the volume of the impact of events in our lives to see them for what they are and not for the damage they've done. We can hear and see clearly when we lower the volume, and art therapy helps facilitate this process. Layers of trauma, lived through abusive childhood experiences and toxic intimate relationships created multiple levels of pain to be uncovered and resolved. Being in a trusting therapeutic relationship gives us permission to let go and look at the memories for what they are. Working through trauma is one of the best gifts we can offer ourselves.

I began the project with the hope that if the design worked on paper, the same energy would translate to other mediums, in my case, fabric. I took the sketch into the studio and let go without hesitation. I put trust in the creative process. My fabric selections were almost automatic, a kind of intuition. I started cutting, assembling, rearranging, assessing, and reassembling. It all came together quickly.

It felt great to release the emotions out of my body where it felt like they were rotting me from the inside. I took a few paces back and looked at it.

It seemed familiar but I couldn't place it.

I paused to reflect on the freedom I felt after designing the quilt, and how great the creation process was. I then began playing with my necklace, sliding it back and forth on the chain. I traced the trunk with my finger, catching each enameled color with my nail. It suddenly became obvious to me that it looked like an elephant, representative of a necklace my son gave me just days before I was able to break free from an abusive relationship.

I didn't take it off for more than two years. It secretly provided strength when I needed it the most. My son continues to be one of the brightest spots in my life, and the courage to keep going can be credited to ensuring I show him what faith in healing, growing, loving, and nurturing can manifest into.

The years following his gift were of the most difficult in my life. Therapy revealed all that I needed to heal, I was a full-time social work student, raising a son with special needs on my own while managing stalking and slandering behavior of my abusive ex. Our largest challenges often have a way of bringing our most important rewards.

Diving into the therapeutic process and allowing the energy of art therapy to flow through me ignited an intense passion for helping others in a unique way. By combining my graphic design background, quilting skills, social work training, and healing journey, I can offer an unforgettable art therapy experience to my clients.

The moments that change our lives can be small, large, unexpected, a surprise, or completely invisible.