I wish I quit before my child was taken.

I wish I would have know what my addiction to meth was going to take away from me. I lost the most important person in my life because of my addiction. My little girl was taken by CPS due to my addiction almost 5 years ago.

Lets start from the begin from the start, when I found out I was prego with my daughter, it was September 2013. I was at the time using methamphetamine. I did not want my child to be born addicted to substances. I called my parents to inform them that I was going to be having a child and that I was using substances. I ask them to allow me to come home so I get clean and sober, for myself as well as my unborn child. Thankfully they allowed me to go back home.

I was sober for three years, I was working and being the mother my daughter needed. Then my daughter and I moved into our own apartment. About a month or two later, I meet a few of the neighbors and they used meth, so it is horrible to say that I started to use substances again.

I thought I was still being a good mom to my daughter because I was still paying rent, bills, buying food, and she had everything she needs and more. I always played with her and was always around. Later on, I realized the truth.

If you are wondering how and why CPS had become involved in my life, well I am going to tell you.

Somehow my mother had found out that I was using substances again. So because my mother was worried about my daughter she choose to call CPS. At the time, I had so much hate for my mom because of this. Because of my addiction, I felt like this and later on I forgave my mom.

I went to treatment and learned that even though I was paying rent and bills and being around my daughter, I was not always mentally there for her. In treatment, I stopped blaming my mother for calling CPS, because I realized that she was doing the best thing for my daughter. So I forgave my mother.

I tried so hard to stay clean and sober. But the pain of my little girl not being with me was unbearable. So I kept using substances. After about 2 years of trying to get my little girl back from CPS, I made the choice to give my daughter the life that she deserves. I gave her up for adoption, not because I didn't want her or that I didn't love her. I did it because I do love her and I wanted her to have the best life possible.

Many people call me selfish, a shitty lowlife, and much more because of my choice. I do not believe that my actions were selfish, I feel that my choice was unslefish. What do you think?

For years I was homeless and I kept using substances. Three years ago October 2017, I got clean and sober. I started going to school for Psychology. I am so happy I got clean and sober, because I wanted my daughter to be proud of me, when she is older.

I wanted to kick my addiction in the ass and not look back. So I did that and now, my life has changed for the best.

I wish I would have done this years ago. However, it is better late than never.

I am sharing my story because I simply wish it could help other's that are going thru what I have gone thru or are currently going thru.

You child and your life is much more important than the substance or that drink.

There is recovery, it is beautiful, and being sober is amazing. If you want it you can do it. Do not ever get sober for anyone else because it will not last. If you want to get sober do so for yourself first, then someone else. You can do it.

I promise there is recovery after substance addiction. Please do not ever give up. You are worth it. You are loved by many. You are not your addiction, you are an amazing person.

The side of recovery is bright, it will not be easy, but it will be worth it.

Thank you for reading my story of CPS, addiction and recovery.