I Watched a Woman Kill Herself.

Maybe I am having a crisis, maybe I just have a heart… I am freaking out.

I started the weekend by cleaning my apartment and hopping on a plane to Minneapolis.

My boyfriend’s team was playing a football game at the Twins stadium and they were playing this really awesome team who has won 7 out of the last 9 FCS championships (I think…) so like, they had some crazy fans and the place was packed.

I was enjoying some beer, watching the team make a valiant effort and just having fun.

The thing that was hard for me was, I had to face some people that I haven’t spoken to since we all had a bit of a falling out.

Of course, I was mad that I saw them and wanted to act like I just didn’t even see them, but hey, guess what, they all said hi, life went on and there was absolutely nothing that I needed to be worried about.

Even though my thoughts on these people were kind of negative, it didn’t matter. I have a heart, I treated them like friends, and it was a good time.

Who has time to live life thinking negatively about other people?

If someone doesn’t like you or isn’t in your life to be a positive friend, then you don’t need that person in your life. But if you happen to stumble upon them, the best thing you can do is be kind and always be the one who ANYONE can lean on.

Life is wayyyy too short to worry and be negative.

I say this, because when the game was over, all of the parents and Butler fans gathered to see the boys. We lost, but we were so happy and wanted to congratulate the players anyway.

At the same time, someone on a bypass above that stadium was thinking the exact opposite.

A woman fell off of the bypass.

I think she killed herself.

I don’t like the details, but let’s just say it happened right in front of me and people that I love.

I’m not sure who else saw it happen, but everyone heard it.

Absolute chaos.

People ran, one person stayed a second to pray, people like me thought maybe somehow, we could help and ran to the woman…

It was bad.

I tried really, really hard to hold in tears and I am not really sure how anyone else did.

I lost it and just couldn’t even fathom the thought.

My thing was, there was a stadium FULL of people who were happy and having this amazing day watching some college football. Maybe some people were having a bad day or going through something tough, but they were out and supporting others which means they got up that day and decided its more worth it to just go have fun.

There were 30,000 some people there.

Maybe just ONE of those people could have helped.

There were 30,000 people who could have given this lady a reason to live.

But sometimes it just doesn’t work out like that.

I was seriously worried about seeing some people that I kind of had a rough patch within the past. How insignificant of a thing to worry about.

It wasn’t worth my worry.

But what is worth my time is being a good and helpful human.

I just hope that I can be those 30,000 reasons for someone and that anyone can come to me or cry to me or freak out to me.

That’s fine.

I’ll take the time. And I’m sure that most people would. Because people have hearts.

I almost felt dirty posting a video about this on Instagram because I didn’t want people to feel bad for me or anyone else that saw it. I just wanted people to understand that even in one of the happiest days of your week, people are struggling to be happy and that sucks.

I don’t care who that person was or what her story was… she was a person and that’s enough to care.

As the next day has gone on, I have been able to channel what I am feeling into more positive thinking, yes, but it still just sucks.

I have tried to just tell myself that I can worry about it at another time. I have a life to live too and all I can do is make sure I am happy and not worrying and letting anyone and everyone know I love them and I’d love to be there for them.

I can think of so many worse situations that people were probably in yesterday, I just know that things happen for a reason and maybe this is my sign that all of my negative thoughts about people or myself just need to stop and I have a duty as a person to be present.

Recently, I’ve tried to tell myself that other people’s problems aren’t mine. Which is valid in many ways…. But when that person’s problems result in them dead on the ground in front of me, I realize that it is EVERYONE’s problem.

It’s okay to still realize when someone is worth your time and energy or not, but it’s never okay to be rude or demeaning. For all I know, my bad comments could have that end result without me even knowing it.

My whole life, the awful comments from people are the ones that still stick with me today, which really freaking sucks because I have come across so many amazing people in so many places and I probably don’t even remember the conversations I had with them, but I remember the girl in 7th period in the 8th grade who was being really awful.

Always just be nice. If someone or something isn’t worth the energy and friendship, that is fine, but don’t ever think is below you to still say hello and ask them how they are.

I am reading a book by Questlove and he debates a lot about levels of creativity in people. Are all people creative, some are just better at showing it; or are only some people creative and more creative than others?

This made me think a lot about whether some people are just more sad than others, if some people just aren’t sad…

I think everyone is sad.

Everyone has something they are worrying about or something about their lives that they are not okay with.

Everyone has issues, I don’t care who you are… Which speaks volumes to the fact that more people aren’t convinced that they have a life worth living.

Everyone has something, and everyone needs to know that everyone around them is struggling with something, but they still have it in them to get up every day, be a person and smile and wave to strangers.

I don’t know man… I just love you and I hope you’ll come to me if you don’t think you have anyone to turn to.

Yeah, so I wrote that on the plane.

I think it was just me feeling empathetic and hoping that everyone could just be happy and have a fun life.

I think I have kind of gotten over it. The initial grossed out shaky feeling is definitely gone.

It’s not that I am over it…. I just decided that it’s something that happened, and I can’t let it affect my life too deeply. Yes, it made me want to call on other people to always be kind and let people know that I will always be there, but I can’t let it get to me.

It sucks.

But it’s life and it happens to so many people every single day.

You just have to decide what is important to you and making sure you are being your best self every single day.

If a thought or memory isn’t making you feel like the person who you want to be, then store it away.

Channel some positivity and hope for the best.

I am just glad that we have first responders who are strong enough to deal with tragedies every day around them and they are still willing to protect us.

Always remember that grace is power.