Hurry Up & Wait!

Dear egotistic being,

We’re going against the grain with this one. I’ll tell you exactly what I’m going to do. I’ll try to identify your regressive defaults, bring them to life then shatter your world with how unnecessary they’re and then try to open your eyes to a nonverbal sense of guidance. I might throw in how you’ve been exposed to guidance already. Through verbal suggestions, choices, education, precautions and the mere unknowingness expressed by your immediate area and/or unpredictable people and places. Good thing you listened only AFTER the fact that the insight was helpful. But you relied (unconsciously; without effort) on your laziness to skip past the crucial helpfulness even with the most simple and brainless of advice to enhance you. That’s a lesson, like our last conversation, but it tips us into this new discussion. The emerging/emerged signs. Objective one done. This is going to be a hell of a ride, fasten your seatbelts.

Life’s a roller coaster. (Yup, that’s all you get. Think about it.) You have two choices; participate or observe. From those choices you have branching choices; once on, will you open or close your eyes? If you passed up the opportunity, will you be content with the unknowingness or will you regret the lack of exploration? Answer to yourself, my letters are rhetorical.

As I see it, impulse and guidance are commands from the same sector within but are applicable to differentiating consequences. (Listen, I use that word neutrally; I do not want to invoke fear.) Grave and great consequences in this world we inhabit is normal, just look around. At any point a grain of sand can alter the balance. Who knows what could happen! That opportunity you skipped out on would have led you to a placement in society where your worst nightmare of enslavement, deeply impressed on you so harshly that you couldn’t ever fathom breaking the noose’s tie, became reality. Just instantly, that confusing as well. You could have been up to your neck in water, boot strapless. Doomed. That’s how you have to think of the past sometimes. It’s already gone, learn from what you were taught, venture with the readiness onward, navigating smoothly with the sense of mastery.

Side note: patience and discipline.

Now, how do you make sure you stray away from the other explosives on this minefield? Awareness, that’s right! (Here’s a new word for you. Remember when I expressed that some signs are in the motion of emerging? This is how you determine them; Becoming mindful of the outcomes of certain actions and patterns. [Please don’t get me started with patterns. You would be here reading book lengths worth of letters. Frankly, I do not have the time and you do not have the patience’s…yet.])

A great quote that idles in my mind is “Playing stupid games gifts you stupid prizes.”

Side note, again: A child's venture for structuring their place in reality leans heavily on representation, story/role play. Amongst other ways to absorb. Have you ever really witnessed the train of action they have? It’s brilliant confidence, exploration and intake. They express freedom. reduce your blue light intake, pull your shoulders back and pay attention. That is a subtle hint in itself.

Do you believe you are in absolute complete control of your life? If so, well, why aren’t you the spitting image of your own constructed imagination in its entirety? The person whom shape shifts to merge into a fantastic mentally constructed representation. But, does it work that way? I’ll wait.-

“Well!” This is how you sound to me “That’s the goal! All I have to do-“

I’ll stop you there, I can already smell the bullshit. Be real with me right now. You’re being held back and pushed forward by no one but yourself and opportunity. One of those you can observe materialistically, and the other, that’s complicated. It’s a hunch.

As you get more experienced (At first I wrote older, but that would be crude. Exposure was my second choice. I felt as though experience gave more fulfillment because once I formed that sentence, it began apparent that understanding is the key.), an adjustment occurs. (This adjustment can be tampered with by you as well.) You acknowledge most things, maybe everything now without absolute control. Days become long, keeping up with health and diet are such a mundane routine. It’s becoming unbearable to entertain or even see people that don’t tend to your accepted tendencies. Something went wrong. But everyone else seems happy. Maybe you just need to get paid to be whoever the fuck you want to be.

To have an attitude about something all day is regular. ‘My face just looks like I’m annoyed.’ You’re usually annoyed. Hold it in, that’s easy. Maybe share that negativity with a person who doesn’t deserve it. They probably do, maybe they don’t. Maybe that’s how you get attention, you have to be an asshole. Oh well, right? They should just know and that’s that. I’m with you metaphorically but really, with all that going on in your head, of course your mind is blurry. That’s fog on the glass. Derail that train of thought! Clean the glass, face yourself.

Silence is pretty loud; you’ve noticed this by now (or I hope you have). You can’t drown those voices out. Sounds easy. Just don’t think about it right? Oh no no no. That’s how they get louder! Don’t try washing them out either, you’ll drown. Do what I do, I listen. Don’t reply, listen. Pay passive attention, try without a strain. Vigilance. Put some effort into your mere existence and start living instead of surviving. The easiest thing to do is be closed, suffocating, mad, explosive, abusive, hurtful, harmful, cynical, emotionally manipulative. Be the opposing forces, the role model, try a little bit today, try a little more tomorrow. Encourage someone else to. What if that’s what they needed. This is a thing that needs a constant reminder. One day they may gift you the same reminder of greatness. Call it karma, call it good fortune, maybe faith. I call it the boomerang affect. If you threw bad intentions up, they come down faster and harder. You miss the receiving grasp and then…ouch.

The way the world looks changes the minute your mind changes. Remember, you are necessary for reality to even be real. You can look at it anyway you choose. That, and that alone is the one thing you will always have controls over. (Unless you literally have an extreme chemical imbalance that can’t be stabilized by modern and/or ancient medicine. [Maybe try going holistic. Humans have been around for millions on millions of years (as some ancient documents and modern day science recall. Big P has only been a thing for about a century]).

Existentially yours, you.

PS: Repeat as needed.

PPS: I hope you make it out.

PPPS: I started this letter off by calling you egotistical. Have you ever heard that word used in a positive sense? Do you even really know what your ego is? I call it the human default, the easiest way to maneuver as a human in time and space. It needs no further confirmation to make a conclusion. Jumps straight to a path of inconsequential (there goes that word again) nonsense but pays no responsibility for the self. Stays in primitive drive. It’s part of yourself. A shadow perhaps? -Too lengthy of a subject- Like autopilot for an aircraft, if you want to ascend, you have to manually control said vehicle (let’s call your body and mind a vehicle). You’ll cruise right along an adjusting path, this is limbo. Stickiness of the stagnant. Like gum on your shoe when the conclusion is inferior, a wine stain soaked into a white lace at its worse. Try to clean it, try to regret the probability that this would happen. Scream and shout. Make this the center of your reality OR, or. Come to the realization that this is what it is, how do you go forward? I assure you, easy doesn’t build character. Do you really want to become a new person? Kill your ego.

*Side note: If you enjoyed this odd yet interesting string of thought, please feel free to donate and keep up with me as this blog will contain a ton of creative series ranging from different topics, experiences, projects and challenge directed submissions! Thank you!

I will, after meeting default income quota, be automatically sending a share of my proceeds to charity. The more you donate the more that is directed towards a great cause!

Sincerely, Jahvon.