How we live now...

Today I got out of bed. I mean, I did physically get out of bed yesterday, long enough to make chicken nuggets and curly fries for breakfast, but then I went back to bed. I climbed back into my pit and put low quality television films on where I couldn't even bring myself to pick up my current book.

Today I was, all be it reluctantly, out of bed before 9 am. Sank a strong black coffee and actually ran a bath. when you're not quite sure when your last one was it's definitely time for an ablution. It had to be a bath where on one of my more positive episodes earlier in the week I had dismantled and stream cleaned our shower and in my most typical fashion am yet to reassemble the drain cover.

I've started with that statement for a reason. Because I want you to know that admitting you're struggling, firstly to yourself and then to others around you, is the first step in taking back some control over it.

Before the current global disaster rendered us all shut ins and socially bereft, even with women like Constance Hall, Mary Katherine Backstrom and Sarah Bailey opening up the conversations about the struggles of modern parenting, living with mental health issues and how they overlap respectively it still wasn't an open discussion with many in the day to day around these subjects. The current reality is that more and more people are going to fall into one of the categories or another.

I have had several conversations with friends and peers through the course of this pandemic and some of who would be considered my strongest are the ones voicing concerns. Very real, and very understandable concerns.

" I don't know if I'll be able to go shopping again even when its over, its going to be so strange to be around people again."

"What if I just don't get any motivation back, what if I just become one of those people that stays home and I never find the urge to experience life again."

"What if I feel like this for the rest of my life even when things go back to normal"

Despite the general awkwardness it can create I have made a serious effort to be open and honest about my own struggles as much as I've been comfortable for the last few years. Something about becoming a mother myself and wishing my own had been more honest and proactive about her own mental health issues has definitely played a part it helping me do that.

It has also meant more people have felt less hesitant to openly discuss the state of their own mental health right now which honestly is something I am actually quite proud of.

I myself have struggled for years, pretty much as long as I can remember. My childhood and teenage years, although not horrific, could have been easier and certainly happier. It wasn't until my late teens/early twenties that it was even suggested there might be something to investigate surrounding my mental health. That was fifteen years ago and I can tell you now it was not something I took graciously. I fought my new reality tooth and nail and it took the best part of a decade to finally accept it was in fact, my normal.

Everyone is struggling to some degree right now though right? Well yes, I doubt you could find anyone who hasn't has an emotional response to the current crisis in some way or another in your day to day life.

I wish I could tell you there's a simple solution but everyone's struggles, although can be similar, are in fact unique and require a tailored approach.

For some people, like me, medication is the foundation needed to build on to give me a better quality of life. In some instances this is a temporary measure, and simply a figurative crutch, while issues are worked through and the relevant wounds healed. In my case, if I'm honest with myself, I'm a lifer.

Several times now I have done the work, reached the milestones and been in a positive to go medication free. And it always starts so well. I keep a routine, I eat well, I maintain a healthy sleep pattern, until I don't.

Until I have one too many late nights, or forget to brush my teeth here and there. Start reaching for high calorie but low nutritional yield dinners and snacks. Then I stop going outside every day, eventually not bothering to even open the curtains. Start spending hours scrolling but avoiding any interaction via "social" media.

Now apply that to our current situation. its basically everyone's norm right now. Disconnected and inevitably in one way or another depressed. And as bad as it seems right now I truly believe that once (if) this is finally over and we return to life as we knew it the repercussions on everyone will be felt for decades to come. Whether it be developed social anxiety, from the general blues to debilitating depression I believe the conversation needs to start now.

If those us a little more familiar with this darker version of life speak up and share not just our stories and our truths, but our coping mechanisms, ones that work and the ones that didn't. If right now we use this time to share and educate the ones we love about what may be to come it might help cauterise the wound this black mirror reality will leave us with as a society.

"it takes a village"

A well known idiom in relation to the raising of a child. However, I feel this applies deftly to our current crisis. In a time where we are more isolated than ever it is more important than ever to come together. To build trust and openness to have the conversations that matter. I suffered in silence and alone for far too long and if this inspires even one person to open up or to really check in on another I can be satisfied it reached its aim.

A lot of these articles finish with a list of contacts for mental health services and although talking to anyone, anyone at all is important, I'd much rather urge you to talk to someone already in your life. Open up the conversation and you might just find commonality right now and be able to support each other.

Be Safe, Be Brave, Be Hopeful.