How To Prove Your Child Is Being Brainwashed?
Do you see your child suddenly hating you?
When a couple divorces or separates, they go through immense grief or trauma. If there are children involved in the mix, it gets even messier. Children do not have the emotional strength compared to adults, and hence they require love and support from both their parents to cope with the big change.
However, everyone reacts to grief differently, and some parents may harbour hatred towards the other one and can try to do whatever to make the other parent suffer more. One of the most common tactics to do so is to brainwash their child to hate the other parent.
Brainwashing A Child Against A Parent
Parental alienation is when one parent influences their child to despise the other parent. This is done through tactics such as deception, fear, negativity, and persistent complaints. Even if the targeted parent is a loving, responsible parent, the child will come to see the targeted parent as "bad" because parental alienation is usually done quietly, with ongoing repetition. Thus, the child does not recognise that they are being brainwashed.
An alienating parent might try to win over the child by:
- Speaking poorly about the other parent
- Preventing the child from seeing the other parent
- Creating fear in the child with untrue statements
- Making the child feel guilty for loving the other parent
- Telling the child the other parent does not care
- Reinforcing the child's rejection of the other parent
Over time, the child may become increasingly angry and fearful toward the innocent parent. The alienating parent's comments may lead the child to imitate adult language or reveal extreme loyalty toward the alienating parent while refusing to spend time with the innocent parent without an explanation. Parental alienation is distressing, confusing, and psychologically damaging to both the child and the innocent parent.
How To Deal With Parental Alienation?
Be Patient and Stay Calm.
You can be gentle with a child, no matter how upset or hurtful their behaviour may be; try not to react with anger because an alienating parent can use your angry reaction against you to make the child fearful of you. Your calmness becomes your power and demonstrates that you are capable of handling these situations in a calm manner.
Keep a Journal of Behavioural Changes of Your Child.
Record all behavioural changes of your child and date the entries, as well as any denied visits and any unusual comments your child has made. Record any communications received from the other parent. Having this information helps you determine a clear pattern and will be very useful to your case.
Keep All Forms of Communication with the Other Parent.
All text messages, WhatsApp messages, emails, call log records and voice notes should be retained as evidence of what the other parent has done to encourage contact with the child or block contact with the child. If the other parent is behaving in a rude, controlling and cancelling all plans with your child, this supports your position.
Keep Loving, and Provide Stable Environments.
Children should always feel loved, safe and secure. They will remember your kindness even if they are currently very distant. Do not say bad things about the other parent, as that will protect the child and show you are emotionally stable.
Staying Engaged with Your Child.
As often as you can, attend your child’s school meetings, sports events, doctor appointments, and activities. Small gestures like checking in with your child’s teacher to see how your child is doing also demonstrate your interest in your child.
Seek Support From Neutral Sources.
Your child’s teacher, physician, family members, coach, or therapist may notice sudden shifts in your child’s behaviour. Their perspective is valuable because it is impartial and free from emotional investment.
Obtain a Mental Health Assessment.
A child psychologist or forensic psychiatrist has experience identifying signs of manipulation, emotional coercion, or coached behaviour, and can provide the court with a detailed report that outlines the child’s circumstances.
Do not Argue in Front of Your Child.
Arguments put added stress on children, increasing the chance of manipulating them. Use respectful but concise language when working with the other parent. Keep adult disagreements away from children.
Document Your Efforts.
Keep a record of every attempt to reach out to your child, whether through phone, in-person, or remote communication. Even if the child’s other parent eliminates contact with you, the documentation supports you as a loving and responsible parent.
Take Care of Your Own Mental Health.
Parental alienation takes a significant psychological toll on parents. Seek help from a therapist, find support groups, or find someone in whom you confide and share your feelings. Having mental clarity will help you remain patient with your child.
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Comments (1)
Sometimes parental alienation can be passive, so instead of speaking badly about the other parent, they deprive the child of contact with the other parent. An ex-girlfriend had a child from a previous relationship and the poor kid didn't get to know her dad until she was 17. That doesn't work out well either.