How Nic Sheff’s “Tweaked: Growing Up On Methamphetamines” Inspired Me To Write

So I did some googling and found out more about the son named Nic Sheff who’s an author. Although he had a horrific addiction to crystal meth and heroin, he managed to get sober.

When I left rehab I found out the name of the book that inspired the movie and went to the nearest bookstore to get my hands on a copy.

I was blown away by Nic’s authenticity and his ability to share his whole truth, sparing none of the gritty details. It inspired me to share my story as well as accept my past, even the parts I regretted.

The book begins with Nic relapsing after a year and a half of sobriety. It shows the insanity of addiction as Nic’s life spirals out of control.

It gives you compassion for the addict, by showing the motives behind all the terrible things you do in addiction, that motive is desperation.

Addiction is a desperate attempt to escape life, once it has its hooks in, it makes you do crazy things to get your substance of choice because facing reality without it seems impossible.

Nic quickly goes from spending a year and a half of sobriety savings on crystal meth to selling drugs and getting involved in the underworld that appears when most people are home in bed asleep.

As the story of Nic’s life continues he becomes more and more consumed by drugs, throwing everything away in a desperate pursuit of more meth and heroin.

He steals from his family, leaves his girlfriend at the hospital alone when she overdoses, gets robbed, and then proceeds to confront his robber with weapons.

Nic tells his whole truth to show us just how fast addiction can spiral out of control, even after a long period of sobriety.

Addiction is a progressive illness, while you’re sober it’s still inside you growing, getting stronger, and waiting to pick up right where you left off.

One slip and you are immediately back to where you were before getting sober. This is what makes the disease so life-threatening, it never goes away and you never know just how bad it’s going to get.

From reading his story, I see it’s a miracle Nic is still alive to write this memoir. I feel lucky to have the chance to read it because the sad truth is that most addicts of this calibre do not get the chance to write a memoir, because they die.

I relate to Nic on a deep level from my own personal struggles with addiction. I also relapsed after a long period of sobriety and proceeded to throw my life away in a desperate attempt to get more alcohol.

Every day revolved around getting enough alcohol to stop the panic attacks, fear, and withdrawals.

I remember the shame of waiting at the liquor store for it to open in the morning to get my hands on a bottle of Vodka.

I remember drinking that vodka and throwing it up over and over until my stomach was numb enough to keep it down.

My relapse led to hospitals, psych wards, detox centers, and rehabs. When I got back home, I immediately drank like I’d never stopped.

I was consumed by shame I couldn’t get rid of or accept. Alcohol was the only thing that gave me some peace.

What do you do when the only thing providing you with any relief from your pain is killing you from the inside out?

There are only three ways addiction ends. You end up dead, in an institution, or you get sober.

I’m happy to say I’m now in the same category as Nic. As I write this article I’m proud to say I have ten weeks sober.

I don’t think I’d have this sober time if it weren’t for this book. Not just because I relate to Nic and his struggles, but because this is the book that inspired me to write.

Those lonely nights in my tiny rehab when I couldn’t sleep because of the guilt, shame, and anxiety were some of the hardest nights I experienced and I turned to writing.

At first, I just journaled all my negative thoughts in a little notebook to distract me from my thoughts and help me feel less alone at night.

After rehab, I wrote my first Medium article.

Now I’m working on a memoir of my own in the hopes that I can reach somebody like Nic reached me.

Nic’s battle and his story isn’t over yet. He’s still writing and fighting the good fight against addiction.

My fight isn’t over either. I struggle every day to learn to live life on life’s terms without the help of alcohol.

I have to stay vigilant because complacency leads to relapse. I have to go to an AA meeting every day, I have to talk to my sponsor, I have to go to therapy, and I have to not pick up the first drink.

I’m one or two relapses away from dying. With each relapse worse than the one before I never know how it’s going to end. A drink for me is a gamble with my life and I don’t want to risk it anymore.

I know how serious this disease is. It’s life or death, and I choose life. I want to live, I want a family, I want a life I deserve and I’m going to get it.

If you struggle with addiction or are interested in understanding the insanity of addiction, I highly recommend any of Nic’s books as he gives insight only someone who lived through it can give.

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