Hormones vs. Me
My battle and discovery of PMDD(Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder)
I’m so happy to be in a new world now where mental health conditions are becoming increasingly accepted. I see so many positive blogs, articles, Facebook shares about how we should be kind. It’s great that those who are speaking out are encouraging the people surrounding us to then come forward and share their own battles.We are all facing our demons in one way or another.
However, I feel there is work to be done specifically relating to hormone related mental health problems. It’s still something that I think some women are embarrassed about. It’s discussed behind closed doors never reaching the ears of people who need support. Silence is deadly. It has been for me and it needs to stop.
This year I have been diagnosed with PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder.) If you don’t know what it is, it is basically a severe version of PMS symptoms where you experience extreme hormonal changes. One day your flying high and the next your world comes to a crashing halt.
It typically happens two weeks before your cycle where you begin to ride the roller coster of emotions from hell. I would push a self destruct button. It was almost like having a extreme alter ego. Like clockwork every two weeks I would become very depressed, unable to leave my bed, Extremely tired, very low self-esteem. In the moment, you truly believe you will never feel normal again. It is completely mad. Every two weeks this unwelcome guest would wreck my progress and leave me in the ruins. It was then my job to rebuild my life. I tried to salvage relationships, explain why I had been exhausted and it wasn’t just me being lazy, and explain why I had a completely new personality. How could I explain these changes to my friends and family when I barely understood it myself. It’s safe to say I was very perplexed. “What could be causing this?” I would ask desperately. Willing to try anything to find answers, I googled my symptoms which in itself does not always leave you feeling reasurred. However after a bit of digging I found a link to the mind website. There was a whole page on PMDD and I finally after months I felt like the missing piece of my puzzle had been found. It described the symptoms as similar characteristics to bipolar however the extreme changes followed a pattern. You can not imagine my relief to finally have some idea of what was causing this turbulence in my life. Next step was to find treatment. It was a case of now trying various antidepressants and different contraceptive pills until I found one that worked for me. The process was extremely frustrating as what may work for one person may not work in another. I tried so many and for a month or two I would feel normal again but then I’d go back to square one. After a while I began to question the pill as a method of contraception for me personally. I’m by no means saying they are rubbish because they might work great for some people however I was not one of them. It was given to me to balance out hormones but all they did was make my mood ten times worse. I took matters into my own hands and began exploring other types of contraception that would not alter my hormones so drastically every month. After a very frank chat with the GP they suggested I had a copper coil fitted. This procedure is a evasive one and I found it very painful however I found without extra hormones in my body my mood began to level out. For the first time since I was 14 I was not having two weeks in which my mood plummeted. I thought to myself “I can’t believe something as simple as coming off a pill has fixed this problem I have battled with for ten years!” You can imagine my relief.
I’ve been very open with my experience as I feel there’s very little guidance out there on how the handle PMDD. It’s still something women are only just opening up about. I can’t promise what helped me will do the same for you nevertheless, I’d highly recommend coming off your pill and changing to a non-hormonal contraception if you’ve found the pill hard going. I’ve found it’s worked wonders for me and I don’t feel like I’m battling against two versions of myself. I’m slowly feeling like the bubbly person I use to be.
If you think you may have PMDD after reading this do reach out to your GP. We are so lucky to have the NHS it really is a blessing. You may be able to take those steps towards feeling like you again.
Visit https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/premenstrual-dysphoric-disorder-pmdd/about-pmdd/ for more information about PMDD. Let’s fight the stigma together and open up together! I’m always here to chat message me on Instagram @lstridey95 or email me at [email protected]
About the Creator
Lucy Stride
Hi, I'm Lucy! While studying at Falmouth I found writing and textiles went hand in hand. My writing was a great therapy and my textile collections conveyed social issues when I was lost for words. I want to make a change through both arts.
Keep reading
More stories from Lucy Stride and writers in Psyche and other communities.
Christmas is Not Always “Beer and Skittles”
If you find the holiday season challenging, you’re not alone. I have never been a big fan of Christmas. I have always found it a bit pretentious. It is a time for kids, really. I have not had kids in my life, so the "children's influence" around this time of year doesn’t occur.
By Calvin London24 days ago in Psyche
From Surviving to Living: When Rest Becomes an Act of Courage
When Survival Becomes a Lifestyle — And You Forget How to Live There is a quiet shift that happens when survival lasts too long. At first, it’s temporary. You tell yourself, “I just need to get through this phase.” Then weeks become months. Months become years. And without realizing it, survival stops being a response — it becomes a lifestyle. You don’t notice the moment it happens. There’s no clear breaking point. Just a gradual narrowing of life. Your goals become smaller. Your dreams become practical. Your emotions become controlled, managed, muted. You stop asking what brings you joy and start asking what is necessary. What is efficient. What is acceptable. And slowly, living turns into managing. The Hidden Cost of Constant Coping When someone lives in survival mode for too long, their nervous system adapts. It learns to stay alert. It learns to expect pressure. It learns that rest is risky and stillness is unsafe. So even when external threats disappear, the body doesn’t get the message. This is why many people feel exhausted without knowing why. Why calm moments feel uncomfortable. Why success doesn’t bring satisfaction. Why peace feels strangely empty. It’s not because something is missing. It’s because your system was never taught how to receive ease. You learned how to endure. Not how to enjoy. Why Letting Go Feels Harder Than Holding On Letting go sounds simple in theory. But for someone who survived by holding everything together, letting go feels like failure. You weren’t rewarded for resting. You were rewarded for coping. For staying strong. For not needing too much. So your identity formed around function, not feeling. This is why slowing down can trigger anxiety. Why saying “I can’t” feels shameful. Why doing less feels like becoming less. Your worth became linked to effort. And effort became constant. Healing Is Not Becoming Softer — It’s Becoming Safer Healing from long-term survival is not about becoming fragile. It’s about becoming safe. Safe enough to pause without panic. Safe enough to feel without rushing to fix. Safe enough to rest without preparing for collapse. This kind of healing doesn’t happen through motivation or discipline. It happens through permission. Permission to stop performing strength. Permission to disappoint expectations — including your own. Permission to exist without proving anything. At first, this feels unnatural. Because survival trained you to believe that safety must be earned. But safety is not earned. It is allowed. Relearning What Living Actually Feels Like Living is not dramatic. It doesn’t always feel exciting or intense. Sometimes, living feels quiet. Neutral. Ordinary. And for someone used to survival, that can feel unsettling. But calm is not emptiness. It is space. Space to notice yourself again. Space to feel preferences instead of obligations. Space to choose, not react. You don’t suddenly become a new person. You simply return to parts of yourself that were postponed. A Different Measure of Progress Progress is often measured by how much you do. How fast you move. How productive you appear. But healing progress looks different. It looks like stopping before burnout instead of after. Like resting before you collapse. Like saying “enough” without explaining yourself. It looks like choosing sustainability over intensity. Truth over performance. Presence over pressure. This kind of progress is quiet. And because it’s quiet, it’s often overlooked. But it is real. A Closing Truth If survival shaped you, it’s not your fault. You adapted the way you had to. But you are not meant to live your entire life in adaptation mode. You are allowed to soften without losing strength. To rest without guilt. To live without constantly preparing for impact. You don’t need to become more. You need to feel safe enough to be. And that shift — from surviving to living — is not weakness. It is the most honest form of courage there is.
By Med Abdeljabbar5 days ago in Psyche
Getting Serious About Comedy (Part I)
If I were asked to remark on my life and the childhood that paved some road leading me to this point, I would have to say something about all the funny people who surrounded me for the last 26,872 days (and counting). Somewhere along that road, I became a big fan of laughter and the comedy that spawns it – and, I mean not only my own laughter, but the laughter of others, some of which I have actually been responsible for inducing.
By John Oliver Smith7 days ago in Humor
Comments
There are no comments for this story
Be the first to respond and start the conversation.