So, a few months ago I discovered abstract art. I really enjoy watching painting videos that are not abstract though. I cannot paint with a brush, at all. I have tried to learn hacks, tricks, and even got an easel. I was watching the same videos over and over again trying to understand how they make it look so easy. I had wasted many, many canvases. Then, I found acrylic pouring method I just had to try. Instantly I fell in love! I never knew something could make you feel a thousand times better about yourself and at the same time you're making some extra cash here and there from it. So it's September, and my house is literally slap full with paintings after about one week of trying these pouring techniques. I post them online to my Facebook and suddenly people start messaging me about the ones that they like already! So, I decide maybe I can make a career of this one day and quit hair. I am so desperate to get out of the hair business it is unreal. It's just not for me. I have been doing hair since I was in highschool so maybe I'm just sick of it? Anyway, I decided to invest in more supplies, get a cricut maker cutting machine and go big or go home. It is now November and I am finally getting everything in order to try and start some kind of a crafting business. I have so much fun making odd and end things. My daughter can even help me with some things I create. We already paint a lot together so once she is older she will have so much fun with me making all sorts of cool things! I have not been at this long at all but I truly hope all things work out and I can stay home and make stuff instead of going to work and cutting everyones hair in the middle of a pandemic. Doesn't it sound fun yet? I don't know if I should journal about my days in the salon or about my art journey but I'm sure the two will intersect anyways. I want everything to be about my art and crafting. My facebook page is Kreative Krafts1989, just search for it and check out all my sweet paintings so far. I'm just trying to be positive lately since everything in my world has been devastating the past couple of years. My grandma died last year and I have been trying to fill that hole ever since. No one, and I mean no one, will ever be as awesome as my grandma. I miss her everyday and recently finding out I am bipolar doesn't help anything. From trying to find the right doctor, to getting on the right medication, to getting the days off from work can be downright exhausting in itself. So art to me is an escape from my reality. I feel no pain or sadness when I pour. I feel no emptiness when I start to work on a craft. Talking to other people everyday and hearing some of their problems does make me grateful for my little problems in the world, don't get me wrong. But sometimes the wrong people cross your path and shake up that little world you're in because they're just a miserable as you are. But at least I try to hide my misery and be cheerful and chipper. I try to never be the debbie downer of things so when people sit in my chair and just continue to be awful I tend to get quiet. This is why I want out of dealing with customers. I'm not saying everyone or even half the people I see are like this but more than enough are this way and it desperately makes me want to pack up my things and quit but I quickly realize I have no other options around here and I am stuck here. This is why I do crafts and pour my little heart out on that canvas. Puts me in a much better mood, I feel productive, and sometimes I make a little extra cash from it. But to make a career out of it... that is what's stumping me. I have done everything to make it seem more like a business. I have made a youtube channel, website, etsy, and now I'm even journaling about this. I am told if you have a passion for something and give it your all it will always work out. But it doesn't quite seem this way. I dedicate all of my free-time to painting and working with my cricut to really understand how everything works. I am obsessed with a new pouring technique that involves my blow dryer, which is super cool since I am really good with a blow dryer in more ways than one now. So I am going to end this now hoping I don't sound whiny or like a cry baby. I'm really neither one. Just someone who is fed up with this pandemic and touching people on a daily basis who don't shower or think that it is okay to get sick then come get a haircut at their local salon. Thank god for masks is all I can say!! YES I SAID IT. I am thankful to all of our healthcare workers who I know are severely stressed out and are working tons of overtime due to the pandemic. I always have my nurse friends in mind. I want to personally thank everyone in the healthcare field. I don't know how they do it but I hope whoever is reading this enjoyed it and was able to put my shoe on for a minute and walk around in it.. No one has a perfect life, but when you're thrown one too many curve balls, the little things in life are all you have left and you cherish every little thing a little bit more. Thank you once again to our nurses, medical assistants, and all medical professionals. I appreciate you all! Let's get through this pandemic together and support each other!
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Normal?
To some of you I look normal. I look like I have it made maybe? If you know me then you know better than to think anything close to these assumptions. I have been approached a few times at gas stations by random people asking for money. Do I give off some sort of vibe? I must. Lately, with the holidays right around the corner I have been stressed to the max. My bipolar medication I was on gave me horrible side effects including losing my hair. I am not bald but my hair is very, very thin now. I have been through quite a few medications now and every single medication has made me shake, lose my hair, make me extremely hot, or involuntary movements. I will not mention all the medications on here as I do not know if I can get in trouble or not. I realize I HAVE to be medicated now. I feel absolutely miserable without it. A chemical imbalance is so real, it's not even funny. I use to love things and have passions but now I hate everything and don't want to do anything, everyday. So what is a person to do when they're unmedicated and having to go to work everyday feeling like this and deal with people all day? I have no answers to this. My mind is blank. Isn't this a disability? My anxiety makes me manic, being manic makes me angry, being angry hurts other people. So why is it possible in this world to be this broken and be without health insurance and a good paying job?(even though I did go to school for my job) The pay at work is garbage, there is no benefits, and I had to pay for school for this crap? I could have worked at a gas station and get paid more per hour and possibly have some sort of benefits. I have done hair for 13 years now and I am ready to get out. I cannot believe I paid over 10,000 dollars for schooling just to have an almost minimum-wage based job. I make 9 dollars per hour. I understand I get tips but those are gifts from my client. Also, some days I walk out of work with 9 bucks and I'm suppose to live off of that? Are you freaking kidding me?! With this pandemic getting worse and worse day by day, more and more people are staying home and putting off haircuts. We are so slow we are closing an hour earlier now. So this means instead of getting around 31 hours I now get around 28. This pandemic is painful for everyone I totally get that but who doesn't tip these days? Do people realize my paycheck is a joke for 2 weeks? Yeah, I get paid hourly but guess what, those credit card tips I get 90% of the time are taken out of my check. This leaves me with 300-400 dollar checks for TWO WEEKS. I am traveling to the other sister salons to grab 4 hours here and 4 hours there. Oh yeah and our shifts at work are 4 1/2 hours a day now. I never have weekends off, I barely see my kid, I never get to go out and do fun things on a Friday night, I can't go out with my family and spend time with them, and the list goes on. All for a crappy job with nothing to gain and no money to be made. Realize what your stylist gives up to be in that salon to cut your hair every weekend. Realize they have chosen this low-paying job instead of sleeping in and spending time with their family. For those of you who don't leave even a dollar behind when you get a haircut, shame on you. Everyone can spare one dollar. I at least expect an apology that you cannot tip, like if you're broke and looking for a job or something like that. I totally understand some people are worse off than me but did you really need to come get a haircut if you're that broke? I don't care who you are, you do not go into a restaurant and stiff your waitress, do you? She didn't even spend money to go to school! I spent hundreds of hours at school, doing hundreds of different things to mark off in my book. I had tests, I had to be licensed, I needed models, so why no tip? Do you not respect my line of work? What do you do for a living? If you're in sales you would understand that I need tips to make a living. I get getting stiffed if your haircut is terrible or I was a jerk. But other people make me a jerk. I come to work fine and customers can be so awful. I'm bipolar so you really think I can control my feelings at this point without medication? I can only hold back so much and apologize. The customer is always right is bogus. When you come in acting like a total tool, not wanting to wear your mask the correct way, being pompous, and arrogant I'm going to smile at you and try to make you understand simple protocol. I do not make the rules these days and people still don't want to do simple things to protect my life, my family, and my co-workers, then why am I even doing hair still? Welp, I have no other options right now. This is sadly the best job I can get right now. Until I finish college I am screwed. I have applied for other jobs but they ask for a background check and the person i was 6 years ago is not the person here today. I have changed a lot but my background will forever follow me around. No employer allows me to explain either. They simply just bypass me. So now I am trying to start a painting and crafting side-business, but that's not even going well due to the economy. I don't know how else to make money so I do what I know, hair. It is better than nothing and some days are really good but anymore those good days are every once in a while now. I have never worked this hard in my life just to scrape by. It's ridiculous! I'm sure when I graduate I will have a problem getting a job due to my background. People can be awful and judgemental. I try not to be. I try to understand things from the other person's point of view, I really do. I try not to get upset or mad about stupid things but a person can only take so much. I hope that more people realize what someone like me goes through on a daily basis. It's hard to even push on anymore. Like what's the point? See, there is my mental illness again. But when the situation cannot change even though you have tried endlessly to change it, it gets discouraging. I write on here hoping I don't make people upset but I will always write the truth. This is my life though. I work EVERY single weekend, I cannot afford to take it off now. Hopefully, I find the right medication very soon but it does not change my situation. It doesn't change my financial situation. If you feel the way I do I hope that I helped you realize you're not alone in this. You're not the only one who feels or thinks this way. The country we live in anymore is not the place I was raised to be. That place doesn't exist anymore. I feel the world has shown it's true colors these past couple of month and they were not pretty. I try to think of other people and help them when I can and most people will use up a person like me. If you enjoy my writing please tip. It is GREATLY appreciated. With the times being so tough on everyone I really do understand if you cannot afford it I really do. I am one of those who cannot afford to read things on here and tip. But I hope you get that cash from my view at least.
By Danielle Solo5 years ago in Psyche
From Surviving to Living: When Rest Becomes an Act of Courage
When Survival Becomes a Lifestyle — And You Forget How to Live There is a quiet shift that happens when survival lasts too long. At first, it’s temporary. You tell yourself, “I just need to get through this phase.” Then weeks become months. Months become years. And without realizing it, survival stops being a response — it becomes a lifestyle. You don’t notice the moment it happens. There’s no clear breaking point. Just a gradual narrowing of life. Your goals become smaller. Your dreams become practical. Your emotions become controlled, managed, muted. You stop asking what brings you joy and start asking what is necessary. What is efficient. What is acceptable. And slowly, living turns into managing. The Hidden Cost of Constant Coping When someone lives in survival mode for too long, their nervous system adapts. It learns to stay alert. It learns to expect pressure. It learns that rest is risky and stillness is unsafe. So even when external threats disappear, the body doesn’t get the message. This is why many people feel exhausted without knowing why. Why calm moments feel uncomfortable. Why success doesn’t bring satisfaction. Why peace feels strangely empty. It’s not because something is missing. It’s because your system was never taught how to receive ease. You learned how to endure. Not how to enjoy. Why Letting Go Feels Harder Than Holding On Letting go sounds simple in theory. But for someone who survived by holding everything together, letting go feels like failure. You weren’t rewarded for resting. You were rewarded for coping. For staying strong. For not needing too much. So your identity formed around function, not feeling. This is why slowing down can trigger anxiety. Why saying “I can’t” feels shameful. Why doing less feels like becoming less. Your worth became linked to effort. And effort became constant. Healing Is Not Becoming Softer — It’s Becoming Safer Healing from long-term survival is not about becoming fragile. It’s about becoming safe. Safe enough to pause without panic. Safe enough to feel without rushing to fix. Safe enough to rest without preparing for collapse. This kind of healing doesn’t happen through motivation or discipline. It happens through permission. Permission to stop performing strength. Permission to disappoint expectations — including your own. Permission to exist without proving anything. At first, this feels unnatural. Because survival trained you to believe that safety must be earned. But safety is not earned. It is allowed. Relearning What Living Actually Feels Like Living is not dramatic. It doesn’t always feel exciting or intense. Sometimes, living feels quiet. Neutral. Ordinary. And for someone used to survival, that can feel unsettling. But calm is not emptiness. It is space. Space to notice yourself again. Space to feel preferences instead of obligations. Space to choose, not react. You don’t suddenly become a new person. You simply return to parts of yourself that were postponed. A Different Measure of Progress Progress is often measured by how much you do. How fast you move. How productive you appear. But healing progress looks different. It looks like stopping before burnout instead of after. Like resting before you collapse. Like saying “enough” without explaining yourself. It looks like choosing sustainability over intensity. Truth over performance. Presence over pressure. This kind of progress is quiet. And because it’s quiet, it’s often overlooked. But it is real. A Closing Truth If survival shaped you, it’s not your fault. You adapted the way you had to. But you are not meant to live your entire life in adaptation mode. You are allowed to soften without losing strength. To rest without guilt. To live without constantly preparing for impact. You don’t need to become more. You need to feel safe enough to be. And that shift — from surviving to living — is not weakness. It is the most honest form of courage there is.
By Med Abdeljabbar6 days ago in Psyche
A Dart at Dusk
Seconds ago, the sullen sun set on the two of us… my exuberant furry companion and me. A fresh breeze embraces us, delivering welcome relief from the day’s oppressive heat. His typical stumbling and staggering along — apace with a sloth — has turned into trip-trapping, high-stepping, almost skipping along.
By Angie the Archivist 📚🪶4 days ago in Petlife
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