Grieving the Loss of Family

**TRIGGER WARNING: The following post discusses sensitive issues, including child abuse.***

Family is defined as “the basic unit in society traditionally consisting of two parents rearing their children,” in the Merriam-Webster online dictionary.

Families can of course take many different shapes and sizes, but in essence, a family is a group of people, who love each other. When people talk about family, they usually refer to loved ones as those closest to us.

Family lies at the core of our human existence. It is where we come from, where we build our identities, and where we draw our strength.

Our lives start with our families, and most people depend on family for as long as we live. There are always exceptions for family estrangements. People fall out and argue, but eventually, even the deepest arguments can be mended if there is love to begin with.

This does not often happen for someone who has been a victim of sexual child abuse by a family member. The loss of family will follow that individual for their entire life. When that deep bond between family members is shattered by abuse, it is always the victim who loses—big time.

Every birthday, milestone celebration, holiday, and vacation is a reminder of the fact that, as an abused child, you have no family to share your successes with.

Can you imagine spending your college graduation, or your wedding day without family by your side?

This is normal for someone who has gone through abuse because we have to start over again. We ask friends to act as our “stand-in mom, or sister at an event,” to do our make-up for our wedding day, and we ask someone we know and trust to walk us down the aisle during our wedding ceremony. That void that family leaves behind is filled in some way, but it is not the same. The pain of that loss is so deep that we don’t talk about it.

How can we talk about it and with whom? Most people have no idea what it really feels like to live without family. How many people do you know that cut out their family?

Who do you turn to when you are deeply upset? Your family, right?

Well, what if you don’t have that support network because you are a victim of child abuse and have been alone all your life? Or maybe you are a divorced single parent due to domestic violence without any family to fall back on for support. There are many reasons for why someone is struggling alone.

Who is your person then? Who do you turn to when times are tough? Who do you trust with your deepest emotions? I know these are tough questions to answer for someone without a family.

My reason for asking these questions is that even now in 2025, there are people out there who are profoundly alone. We need to be vigilant to see these people and offer our support. There is always a reason for someone to choose loneliness over family, and it is usually due to abuse or trauma of some kind that is unbearably painful.

Think about your neighbors. Do you know who they are and their situations? Is there something you could do to make their lives a little easier? If the answer is yes, then what stops you?

Our world is changing and there is not much compassion and respect. People are far too quick to judge others, and emotions run high. When I read the news and go to the grocery store, I see people are less happy than they used to be and I get it. We are living in tough times right now.

I wish we could change our situation, with one act of kindness — a day. A simple smile, a kind word or a thank you, can make someone’s day. You never know what a person has gone through that day, especially if they are going through life alone. If you have a friend who has no family, then invite them over to spend an afternoon or evening in your home. A simple gesture like that means more to a lonely person than you can imagine.

I know all of this because I am living this life. I was sexually abused as a child and deeply traumatized by life-changing events. My whole family was affected by the lies and the pain as a result of trauma.

I had to leave my family and start again just to breathe and be the person I wanted to be. When I finally got my driver’s license, I celebrated my success alone. My college graduation was celebrated with friends and their families. On my wedding day, I had no mom, dad, or siblings by my side. These are moments that every family takes for granted, and we all have framed proof in our houses of wedding photos from important milestones. Our family is at the core of our being. This is a loss that I have to bear and I know I am not alone, but sometimes, just sometimes. I wish someone out there could understand what it means.

A life after abuse in whatever form, can be desperately lonely. It took me much longer to achieve milestones without a supporting family by my side. Look around you. Is there someone who could benefit from a kind word today?

Remember there is always another sunrise, with endless opportunities.

My name is Lizzy. I’m a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

If you enjoy reading about what it’s like to live after trauma, then please follow me.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

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