Goodbye

Goodbye.

Farewell.

Hasta-la-vista.

They are supposed to be sad. They are supposed to be painful. But what happens when they are unplanned, unscheduled bouts of chaos?

Those adios' crush me.

I recently lost a worker. She didn't even say goodbye. She left. Because I had a service animal that apparently made her so uncomfortable that she couldn't tell me. I honestly don't believe that. I tend to believe what she did tell me... that her supervisor had the problem with my service animal and every interaction I have had with supervisors before now and since then have only solidified it in my mind.

Only they will never acknowledge that simply because that is discriminatory and illegal... and I'm still waiting to hear back on whether or not they think that they are allowed to ban my service animal from their office before I report them - or at least give them a chance to respond appropriately (2 weeks). The Americans with Disabilities Act says no, they aren't allowed to. The state law says no, they aren't allowed to. In fact, the state law where I live says that even as a "service animal in training" is allowed the same rights as a fully trained service animal even where the Americans with Disabilities Act doesn't protect right of entry to "service animals in training."

But I was told that I need to learn boundaries. Boundaries? Aren't you guys the same people that told me that being assertive was a good thing? Oh, wait, maybe I misunderstood - was assertiveness only a good thing as long as I didn't call you out on stuff? Was my assertiveness only alright with other people because you enjoyed the control? That is called abuse. Or at least it is when you are a typical person insisting on controlling others... maybe the rules don't apply to you there either?

I was told that they have the training to handle my panic attacks, to handle me getting lost in my mind, and to alert me to the difference between a panic attack and an asthma attack. Okay... here lately I feel the overwhelming urge to run again. It almost happened twice this month after more than a year since the last time when my coping skills failed and I couldn't stop it. Typically I can communicate the need to run, but the added stress puts a damper on that. But Aurora was able to stop me and ground me both times this month. Let me know how that works for you when you can't find me... let me know how that works for you when I become nonverbal due to the stress and panic attack... and let me know how that works for you when you have extra paperwork because I became a flight risk again - and I'd love to explain to any person above you that I had a legitimate device that you refused access to because you are trained to handle issues like this. I guess I shouldn't take my medication, wear glasses, and use any other type of medically recommended or necessary device either... you know, since you are trained and all, right? Does that then include those fun coping skills that you think I should have? (I am being sarcastic if you are concerned...) Not to mention that it is against the ADA: service animals "cannot be excluded on the grounds that staff can provide the same services." (https://www.ada.gov/regs2010/service_animal_qa.html)

I have been told by your company that she doesn't qualify as a service animal without papers/vest/etc. Let me direct you to Questions and Answers from the ADA website like the hotline gal kindly directed me to: "Q5. Does the ADA require service animals to be professionally trained? A. No. People with disabilities have the right to train the dog (miniature horse) themselves and are not required to use a professional service dog (miniature horse) training program." Oh... and... "Q17. Does the ADA require that service animals be certified as service animals? A. No. Covered entities may not require documentation, such as proof that the animal has been certified, trained, or licensed as a service animal, as a condition for entry." Plus... "There are individuals and organizations that sell service animal certification or registration documents online. These documents do not convey any rights under the ADA and the Department of Justice does not recognize them as proof that the dog (or miniature horse) is a service animal." Oh and I almost forgot: "Q8. Do service animals have to wear a vest or patch or special harness identifying them as service animals? A. No. The ADA does not require service animals to wear a vest, ID tag, or specific harness." (https://www.ada.gov/regs2010/service_animal_qa.html)

I was told that you, because you are a mental health provider (that gets paid through my medical insurance, by the way) that you don't have to adhere to "Q14. Does a hospital have to allow an in-patient with a disability to keep a service animal in his or her room? A. Generally, yes. Service animals must be allowed in patient rooms and anywhere else in the hospital the public and patients are allowed to go. They cannot be excluded on the grounds that staff can provide the same services." And that you are more special than an ambulance! "Q16. Must a service animal be allowed to ride in an ambulance with its handler? A. Generally, yes. However, if the space in the ambulance is crowded and the dog (or miniature horse)'s presence would interfere with the emergency medical staff's ability to treat the patient, staff should make other arrangements to have the dog (miniature horse) transported to the hospital." (https://www.ada.gov/regs2010/service_animal_qa.html)

I was told that I've been fine without one so why now? Oh I don't know... I am fine without glasses too. I just get migraines like the almost constant stress migraine that your company gave me for the last month with your lack of education that I would have thought didn't exist within mental health clinics, but obviously I was wrong and that? That is the only thing that I did wrong. I assumed that you knew my rights. I assumed that you would follow the law a lot easier and better than a small business owner in rural America who has never experienced a service animal and just needs educated. The thing you did wrong? Denying me service and fighting me tooth and nail instead of just going: how can I help or how can I understand. I have had some unbelievably wonderful workers who walked me to this point in time and I forget that some of the mental health people haven't left the 1980's where people like me don't have rights and just need to be shut up by medicating them and shushing them.

I was told that I fired my worker. If by saying "I contacted the front desk and cancelled all appointments with ALL (company name) staff pending review by (insert name) of discrimination. ... Just wanted to let you know that it isn't just you at this point in time and once this is resolved, I will be restarting my appointments." means that I fired someone, then yes I did... however, I have said this before and it has never meant that they were fired ... I even did business classes where this does not mean that you are fired. I guess going on a break for any reason now means that you fire someone... so I do feel sorry for your staff who happen to need maternity leave. Oh, it doesn't work that way... huh... strange how you are now moving on to a new excuse.

I was told that it is a safety issue because I reported being ran off of the road. #1, That is the very reason I was meeting my worker where there was a sidewalk and #2, That is a reason I don't like driving on main street (because drivers don't pay attention) and my team has always rolled their eyes and wanted to argue that the number of incidents to non-incidents are not a high enough percentage for me to absolutely refuse driving in a specific area. But you have just opened the door for it to not be unusual or paranoid for me to refuse doing things that have a small percentage of risk. Congrats on undoing the last 7 years of protocols that the professionals have pushed me to acknowledge. Oh and now we cater to fear and unease... hmmm... my brain could do so much with this information, but let's start with the number of panic attacks your team has caused over the total number of appointments I've had. Guess what? That number is currently higher than the likelihood of being run off of the road without a sidewalk - you know, exactly where I didn't want to walk with my worker. ;) Great job! I love math, don't you? (yes, that is sarcasm!)

I was told that Aurora is JUST an emotional support animal (and yes, that person has apologized, yet is it an apology when you are still breaking the law?). According to the ADA, "Q3. Are emotional support, therapy, comfort, or companion animals considered service animals under the ADA? A. No. These terms are used to describe animals that provide comfort just by being with a person. Because they have not been trained to perform a specific job or task, they do not qualify as service animals under the ADA. However, some State or local governments have laws that allow people to take emotional support animals into public places. You may check with your State and local government agencies to find out about these laws." and then, "Q4. If someone's dog (miniature horse) calms them when having an anxiety attack, does this qualify it as a service animal? A. It depends. The ADA makes a distinction between psychiatric service animals and emotional support animals. If the dog (miniature horse) has been trained to sense that an anxiety attack is about to happen and take a specific action to help avoid the attack or lessen its impact, that would qualify as a service animal. However, if the dog (miniature horse)'s mere presence provides comfort, that would not be considered a service animal under the ADA." I can list half a dozen tasks that Aurora is trained to do for me - for an example of just one (which technically is all I HAVE to have), not letting me take off when I feel panicky and instead do whatever it takes to get me to focus on the present. She is NOT JUST a Emotional Support Animal. (https://www.ada.gov/regs2010/service_animal_qa.html)

I was told that it is against policy, but you couldn't produce the policy - and yet you claim to follow all federal guidelines... and then I was told that if I kept this up, I'd lose all services through your company.

Well maybe I outgrew my workers. Maybe I outgrew the system. At least that was the comfort some of my other workers from another company attempted to give me. If that was the case, it should've been my choice. And not once have they used that as a reason. In fact, with the added stressors "technically" I should be even less out-grown of the system than I was. Because now? Now I don't feel safe to leave my home because if you can get away with breaking the law, you who should be held to an extra high standard, then what kind of danger can "typical" people be to me?

You failed me. You had one job. You failed.

But maybe I also failed you.

I wanted to educate people. You do fit the description of uneducated people.

I am sorry. Please let us both do better. But before we can do better, we both have to admit our shortcomings. I just admitted mine, now it's your turn.

The next step? To sit down and have a grown up conversation where you don't treat me as my mental illness and a problem to be solved, where instead you treat me with the respect of an educator and you listen up to someone who has actually lived through the hell that is discrimination. Something I pray that you never have to experience.

If by chance, that next step never happens with me, then I'm pretty sure it will happen from someone a lot more intimidating than me from either the state department or the federal government. And honestly, maybe that is what your choice will be. I have to be okay with that: "Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed; courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other." (Serenity Prayer)

***At the bottom of this publication from the Department of Justice, Civil Rights Division (https://www.ada.gov/service_animals_2010.htm) covers the added in statements of (miniature horse) where the original quote only included dogs.***