Today I was thinking about my fears.  Specifically the anxiety type of fear.

Did you know that my biggest fear is not failure?

What if my success changes me into a person that I don't want to become?

Like so many people who spout off the "Do you know who I am?" nonsense when things don't go their way...  I don't want to become that!

What if I take the leap and get everything I could ever want out of my life?

Will I turn into an arrogant prick of an asshole?

What if I make a lot of money ... and become stingy and use it to control people?

What if I become a well-known author ... and stop wanting to help those "beneath" me?

What if I am not solid enough in my own core self to remain a kind hearted person?

I know that I am a kind person.  I know that I always do my best to think about other people - probably more than I should - and that it is highly unlikely that I will turn into a narcissist...

But, my brain is so helpful in giving me reasons to stay small... to shrink my accomplishments... and to keep me stuck in the role that I am outgrowing.

I started my business (The Schizophrenic Mom) despite the anxiety telling me that'd it be a dangerous decision.

I started writing about the abuse that I fled, despite my anxiety telling me that I was messing up my entire life.

I started healing... despite my anxiety telling me that I'd lose myself by doing that!

I am becoming more sure of myself - despite my anxiety trying to relabel confidence as arrogance.

I am making more money now as an author, than I have ever made before -- and have yet to be stingy...!

I am becoming more firmly rooted in my core values... and realizing that love, for me, is a core value that is less about a feeling and more about the action.

I do my best to be loving, an example of love, and to love myself.  It is not just my core value - it is the why behind everything that sits "right" with me.

I won't let the fame get to me in a bad way because my love doesn't want to diminish other people to get what I want.

I won't become stingy because love doesn't take and take - it gives too.

I won't expect others to cave because of who I am... because love doesn't need to force respect - it merely calls for what is earned.

I don't have to worry about becoming someone that is the polar opposite of every fiber in my being.

What I should be worrying about is: what will happen if I never just 

That feeling of forever being stuck - knowing that I will likely not change into something that I am not - and just choosing to remain in a state of small-ness... that should be much scarier than "what if I get my wildest dreams?"

Yet, for some reason, my anxiety has always been just a bit more terrified of success than failure.

I am used to not having enough money at the end of the month.

What I am not used to is what scares me... but I hope that I will do it anyway!

...if not for myself, then for my kids...

Zac Durant

A Fear Standing the Test of Time

Throwback Thursday - 1/15/2026

Today I was thinking about my fears.  Specifically the anxiety type of fear.

Did you know that my biggest fear is not failure?



A Fear Standing the Test of Time

Throwback Thursday - 1/15/2026

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If You Can't Find Hope by Able Heart

A Fear Standing the Test of Time

Throwback Thursday - 1/15/2026

This is an Exclusive Story for supporters of .css-13w9qce-Text{display:inline-block;color:var(--text-accent);}The Schizophrenic Mom

About the Creator

The Schizophrenic Mom

Comments

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Keep reading

If You Can't Find Hope by Able Heart

This is an Exclusive Story for supporters of The Schizophrenic Mom