Frankincense Scarlett

Having been awoken from my sweaty slumber with another jarring early morning call I stepped into the day the same as any, one foot then the other. My fault, I forgot to mute my phone and its shrill demands beckoned my immediate attention. I found myself in that tedious pre-midday stupor that often accompanies a sequence of events such as those I have just made apparent to you.

More habitual than ritual you could say... So I was approximately halfway through my first joint, my second coffee when I was roughly and rudely assaulted by a minor malfunction of sorts somewhere within a very important part of my respiratory system. I'd like to provide a little more detail for you at this point but I'm not a fucking doctor.

Ok...I was coughing and i must have half breathed myself and for what I naively perceived to be a split second I found myself falling inside a giant kaleidoscope, seeing through the infinite mirrored eyes my millions of lives all at once. Every edge of every eye was reflected back from this infinity to the next. Bathed in an ethereal tinge of soft rainbow like hues and humming with a relaxed brilliance they segued to the next, pulsing and shifting, spinning in a most demented, fucked up and spastic order. Yet amid this sensory chaos, a stillness, a calming of the ripples, an Om moment.

This was what I assumed to be pure unextracted raw emotion. Yet to be moulded and processed by useless feelings and circumstances, before it became a by-product to be expelled at a later date. This internal jet fueled stream of chemicals, hormones and introduced toxins that charge way beyond the speed of light and sound. This is the race of the dream. I know this why? I know this; now, because I'm in it, it's in me, we are it and it is us. Or I was there but now that I'm back I think I may have brought some back with me.

Each time I relax my thoughts, I see my many mirrored mind manor. The reek of epithanous meddling tendrilly melts amongst the many secret scents my olfactory system slyly sorts. Stunned, confused, elated, God like and doomed: the colour wheel of emotions flutters peripherally on its relentless cyclic and cryptic journey, like a retro stage prop spinning its version oblivious to the foreground attraction.

The wheel never stops it's everything ever all at once all the time FOREVER! I just thought I was depressed. Go into the light.......! Which one? A confused and angry cry, acceptance and denial, love and hate, night and day. its not just all about tacos in the end. One or the other we can't have both! Duplicity as a garment does not fit right, yes it can be worn, but never with any degree of comfort.

On another plane, timeline or alternate universe I can now see the myriad versions of myself banging away at the device of choice at the time to record these sultry musings. The medium of record varies from charcoal on a cave wall to Digital Thought as Data Transfer (DtDt). The only thing about any of this that is same are the questions that have travelled from one end of the universe to the other and back. This missive that has reached the nether regions of both time and space, older than both and younger than the heartbeat prior to a thought.

I can see the black parts of my drunken rages; visions of an angry hand sweeping clear a table of surprised glasses. I can see every part of every pill induced memory loss and I know parts of me are truly rotten. I hear the voices of scorn and derision that accompany my nodding off on the heroin. I can also see that I'm the same as everyone else for without our sins we are nothing.

The apprehensive feeling i have is something akin to an important approach; something is about to happen, I have been alerted but not briefed. The same vibrations tingle and resonate with my bodies goosebump control centres, I flush with a heady intoxicating rush of adrenalin, excitement, fear and wonder. My thoughts are scattered like a billion seeds cast into a cyclone yet I can still write. The focus i have at the moment in laying down this tale astounds me. Never have I written so much on so little!