Forget about doing the right thing

Once, this really studious girl, top of her class, 'hall monitor' sorts named Lucy, found an eraser when she was carrying out one of her many student duties. It was the coveted kind - strawberry-shaped, barely used, smelt absolutely delightful. Like crushed berry juice with a hint of lime.

She picked it up and decided, "I'm going to find out who this belongs to and give it to them." There was a lost and found box in their school of course, but to her, it was notorious for the naughty kids to go in there and pick up whatever they needed and claim it as their own. So, she kept it with herself, and thought she'd ask the other students in her class and in the corridor if the strawberry eraser belonged to them.

Of course, Lucy needed an eraser too. She studied so much and made so many notes, that her own rubber had whittled down to a whisper. But, she would never use something that wasn't hers.

That entire school year, she'd show the eraser to classmates, friends and strangers to see if they were missing it. They always said no. No one even lied in order to steal it, because they had their own erasers and besides, who wanted to indulge in that sort of petty crime anyway? By the end of the year, friends were telling her to just start using it. Or put it in the lost and found. Or you know, use it. Lucy refused each time. By the time next year began, she was embarrassed to once again start the cycle of asking students about a silly eraser. So, the strawberry-shaped stationery stayed with her.

However, she never used it. She didn't think it was right to do so. It didn't belong to her and thus while she held it, she did not own it. She was so consumed by doing the right thing, it played on her mind continuously. It was as if the eraser was burning a hole in her bag, but she could neither throw it away, nor use it. Eventually, she finished school and that schoolbag joined the ranks of other paraphernalia which would gather dust along with other discarded items of her past, and the eraser stayed there too, untouched, unused, and ultimately, wasted.

**********************************************************************

This story is brought to you from the kind demons in my head. The ones who agonize over the consequences of every little thing. The ones who weigh the pros and cons of things until the scales snap. Who stands in one place reading the directions until it's dark, until you can't see the road anymore.

Most people experience something similar at one point or another in their lives. There is a decision to be taken or a path to be chosen that is so monumental, the outcome so pervasive, that you need every possible piece of information before you take a call.

It seems logical enough - when something is really important, and could have significant impact on your life, wouldn't you want to know everything before you took the plunge?

For some others, especially those who are anxious or prone to overthinking, it's not that simple. The reason - their brain twists every decision into something monumental. It tells them that the wrong outcome could be that 'make or break' event that completely alters the course of their life. And to avoid making the wrong call, it implores them to 'do the right thing'.

A little flaw in the plan

I've always felt that to be a 'doer' is no small feat. Not only do you see that something needs to be done, that would theoretically take you forward in achieving your goals, you simply go ahead and do it. That, to my often poorly motivated or depressed self, is miraculous.

If you're the 'practical doer' kind, the point of this article is going to feel a little redundant to you. Of course, you think of things and then go ahead and do them, right?

Wrong.

There are so many different kinds of people in the world. And the kind that come to the fore of my perspective due to my own experiences are the ones who struggle with inaction. Maybe, they are faced with an opportunity. Or have been offered the chance to travel for work or pleasure. Hell, maybe they've just been invited to a party or an event. Their thought process goes somewhat like this:

Thinking -> thinking -> thinking more intensely -> thinking from multiple perspectives -> still thinking....

Where does this take them? Well, not always to a good outcome. Sometimes, the opportunity is lost. The travel gig goes to someone who said yes more readily. The party got over before you could decide how to get there.

The point to note here should be made clear - it's not like they didn't want to do it. People hyper-focused on doing the right thing play out multiple scenarios when presented with a decision. They want to be sure they don't get hurt, neither does anyone else. They may have a low-risk tolerance. They may consider the moral implications far too much, such as going out for a harmless coffee with someone your friend went on one date with 10 years ago, even in a platonic way.

Every avenue and opportunity has to pass through these wild, improbable scenarios - and very few make the cut or still remain available after this process of over thinking is done.

Trying to do the right thing all the time is excruciating. It is also linked, in no small part, to either having an inflated sense of self or a poor self-esteem (or both, yeah that's possible), because somewhere you feel that only you think of all the consequences while others just rashly make decisions. Even when your overthinking causes you to lose out on something good, you perhaps tell yourself that you'd never get it anyway, or that going for it would have made you a morally bankrupt person.

Getting lucky (by design)

There are no shortcuts to stop this pattern. Every time it rears its head, you need to identify what your brain is doing and consciously teach it to act in a different, less serious, more flexible way. There is something huge, something unrelated that might help you change your pattern.

The universe.

If you've ever taken an interest in astrophysics, you know that the universe is a vast and terrifying place. What's more, watch any video of the universe (here's one I love) and you will understand that the role you play in the grand scheme of things is... little. So very little. And we should be immensely thankful for it.

Your individual actions hold enough power to alter some things for you, but that's all. They cannot alter the fate of humanity. I don't know if this makes you happy or sad, but if you're anything like me, it's probably a load off your chest. You do not uphold the logical or moral compass of the world. Instead, the world spins in a galaxy like millions others, taking you along for the ride. Opportunities present themselves to you so you can see for yourself if you'd be any good at it. People come into your life for you to explore your dynamic with them and see how you fit. Meanwhile, empires grow and fall, seasons come and go. You can try to do the right thing as much as you can, but the things that are meant to happen will happen anyway.

If you wanted to play poker, you'd never get a fresh deck of unshuffled cards and hold them all with you in order to play. No, that's not how it is played. You take a seat and the table and take a look at your cards, and when it is your turn, you play, you bluff, and you call. If you keep trying to do the right thing, your brain would probably talk you out of the game in the first place. Life is a lot like poker. Get in there, pick up your cards and let the game unfold with your cards in the play.