Evil among us

At the age of five, you have no idea what is happening to you, all you know is that an adult in your family is hurting you. I remember it clear as day as he would come into the bedroom where I and my siblings slept. He would start with my sister and then move on to me, I didn’t know it at the time but this man was raping us as we slept. He would do it from the backside as not to alarm my mother when taking us to any doctor appointment, not that she would have believed us if we were able to verbalize what was going on. This was the first of many men in my family that would have their way with us, but I will only speak about my experience.

I believe this was the first time I learned not to trust any male adult that came my way, except my father. Safe to say that by this age he was no longer living in the household. Even as I write this story my eyes fill with tears. That still to this day no one in my family would believe that this man did this to me and. That they still have children around him and young girls at that. I don’t say anything to him because I am sure that he has been told what I have said about him. I never told a soul until I was nine years old, and this was years after being abused by two more family members, five of my mother’s boyfriends, and rape by a stranger. She never believed a word I said and till this day she refused to believe that anything ever happened. This of course messed up the relationship I have with her, I could not understand how someone cannot protect their children. This man lived with us until I was 7 years old and did it every night. It was worse when my mother would leave on her weekend partying journeys. She wasn’t a drug addict just living her life I guess. I remember the day he moved out I have never been happier, I thought that I would have to go through that pain again. But of course, life was not that nice to me, he moved to a great apartment across the street from central park. And guess who my mother would have us go visit when she went out. Hat when things got worse because now he didn’t have to wait until night fell, he would just bath us. This went on for the next year until he found himself a girlfriend with young girls and moved away.

You would think that my nightmare was over, nope my mother just moves in with one of her boyfriends. But this one didn’t hit us no sir he just shared us with his friends while my mother was out. I could never understand why this was happening to me, he would make my other siblings stay in my mother’s room or send them to my neighbor's house. Why she would ask about us me and my sister he would say we were on punishment because we did not behave. He would place me on top of the kitchen table and make me dance for him and his friend, I was seven years old at this time. He and his friend would bite my body and put wipe cream all over and use their mouths to take it off, it never bothered them that I was crying. They never also never penetrated me like the one above, they took lots of pictures smoked drugs, and giggled. This went on for about six months, my mother then moved on to the next boyfriend that she moved in with. The next one likes to hit kids just like the first one she moved in, and let me tell the beating was bad. But I rather get hit than touched or made to touch someone else, my childhood was robbed from me. The two next two like for me to touch them and give them oral, of course, I did not know that this is what they called it at the time I was seven and eight years old at the time.

I can recall during the stranger rape I was eight years in the second grade and load knows I have been through enough already. But I got in the elevator in my building, there was this man already in there. I have seen him before because they were working on some of the apartments in my building. He stared with telling me how pretty I was and touched my hairs and said he likes the smell of it. The elevator could not get to the sixth floor fast enough. He stopped it between the sixth and fifth floor and took out his private part. I started to cry and even went to the bathroom on myself, it was like I knew what was coming. He bent me down and had his way with me, and then took me to the front of my door and told my mother I had an accident in the elevator and he just wanted to make sure I was okay. His partner came out of my house with a sandwich for him. Apparently, my mother was making these guys lunch “because she wanted to be nice”. Only I do just run into the bathroom and take a bath, didn’t say a word. Later on, I asked my mother why she was being “nice “to those men that she didn’t know and she said that her new boyfriend. Can you imagine the shock that went through my body, all I could think was with my luck it will be him. But it wasn’t it was the one that came out of the apartments, he was much younger than my mother so I know right away that he was just there for kicks. Her relationship never lasted too long, they got tired of her and her kids it was too much for any of them to handle. The real nightmare was yet to come.

Raven