Creator, What Now?

Sometimes, you see the world unfolding around you, and it's kind of hard not to wonder what your significance in all of it is.

It's easy to look around and get lost in the hopelessness of an incredibly cold world that is growing more and more callous by the day. The worst part about it is when you see that there are people who truly want to see the erosion of other people's happiness and their safety in life. They find pleasure in suppressing and oppressing others and need to feel they are higher than someone, or something, to feel important.

This is a sign that shows the lack of substance inside, and leads them to find some sort of sick fulfillment out of tormenting, torturing, and envenomating others with toxicity and abuse. This can make things all the more bleak, and there are a lot of times in my life when I had to sit down and ask myself;

What's the point of this? What's this supposed to teach me? How can I move beyond here, and not feel defeated by this barrage of shocking behavior that awes others to the point of paralysis?

Because what I do know is, I can't just stand there and be petrified - I am an activist. I have to do something, and I damn sure won't become a victim.

I've already been a victim more than enough times in my life. It's not something I will ever allow myself to be without a fight to the bitter end these days, call that experience.

I've had a few moments that you could call arc defining changes to my character and I won't say they didn't come without pain more often than not, but time and time again I found myself going back and asking one more question after all those others - the question I suppose was the one that helped me retain my sanity through complex situations that otherwise didn't make sense.

I did not come out of them unscathed either - though, I certainly did become resilient, and strength was something that I learned no one is born with - it's created.

We create it, and we can all become it, with a little bit of inner reflection. Being introspective and taking the time to weigh who you are and who you want to be, so you can align those two persons into one can really help there.

But, strength is truly built like the smithy creating a beautiful claymore, and it doesn't come easily. In fact, it's tempered like a fine blade through lots of heated rounds - and only then does it become a double-edged piercer of truth and power.

So, in my meditative moments when I sat and finally asked that question, "Creator, what now?"

That was right about the time the universe drew me to the resolution that I never thought I'd find. Whatever turmoil or anxiety I held - would quickly fade away with the reminder that moments of stress do not define our entire lives, and just finding a safe space to exhale and breathe again can be the biggest factor in helping to gain the calmness needed to reassess whatever has you worked up.

As someone who struggled with anxiety and panic attacks a lot in my early twenties and thirties, learning this in my forties now has been a tremendous blessing. I wish I had come to realize the power of checking in with ourselves when I was younger, as I am sure it'd helped me through some real pickles in life, but I did eventually figure it out, and anytime this happens, I pause to say,

"Okay, Creator - what now?"