Childhood Trauma

”why didn’t you report them” is the question I always got but when you were abused by the woman who raised you the woman you saw as a mother and sadly love you just can’t go though with it. This is called Stockholm syndrome not many are familiar with the word but means that the victim formed a bond with the abuser. I am now 18 and free from my abuser I am telling my story so that people are more aware of abuse going on in children’s lives and for the people who are still going through it.

In order for you to understand I have to take you all the way to the beginning where it all started. I was born from a teen mom a woman stuck in drugs and abusive boyfriends. I am her second daughter, she loved my older sister but hated me. I was always told by many of my relatives that she’d have me in the carrier for multiple days without changing me full of mosquito bites and rashes. I was even molested by one of her boyfriends. One day my great aunt took her to court to get custody of me and my older sister to supposedly have a better life. This process took many months in which my sister and I were going to foster homes. Finally on the last court hearing they gave my mother was given two options one was to take us and the other was to choose her boyfriend,she obviously chose her boyfriend. After that day they let her have monitored visitations with us which only happened two times out of my whole life. As a toddler I want at my mom I want her love but she always push me away. My great aunt at the time had a girlfriend she would always get angry for trying to hug my mother she would pinch me and hit me for trying to hug my mother and when I tried hugging her instead she would still hit me. When I was in elementary my aunts girlfriend got pregnant with her second kid and that’s when the abuse got worse. She had me and my older sister scrub floors walls doors and tubs with harsh chemicals and if it wasn’t clean enough we would get hit with a belt with spikes on it. And if that wasn’t good enough she’d pull our hair throw us across the room, throw us downstairs hit us with hard objects on our heads. I will always get embarrassed to go back to school because my head had huge bumps and I was always covered in bruises. When the teacher asked what was wrong I always had to lie and say that I fell off the bed or fell off the monkey bars just so that I wouldn’t get hit when I went back home. I never had the chance to be a child it was really rare that I got to play with toys most of the times I was stuck scrubbing floors and taking care of kids that weren’t mine. As a child in elementary I was so confused at this time I thought it was normal but deep in me I knew it was wrong so every day Id pray to God to take me away so that I won’t have to go through it again something no little girl should be praying for but I still woke up the next day. The woman who raised me told everyone that I would miss behave but the real reason she would abuse me because I would not want to take care of her kids north clean the way she wanted me to she had OCD and if it wasn’t clean her way she would also punish us in the following ways: standing up for 24 hrs without eating drinking sleeping or being able to use the bathroom, she made me drink out of dirty cups, stand outside in excruciating hot or cold weather showered me in ice cold water from the freezer and having me stand outside near a vent to dry, we were whipped with wires on our back, legs, arms and everywhere else and even more aching punishments. Keep in mind that I’m just a kid in elementary.

I will be continuing my story tomorrow. Thank you for coming this far along I promise there’s more to the story