Chapters

"The unexamined life is not worth living" - Socrates ( At his trial resulting in his death)

Life is a series of chapters. We go through many trials and tribulations with the knowledge that one day the book will end.

This is not the story of my life, it is the story of us all. When I contracted Hepatitis C from using a shared syringe in prison, I was shaken a little. But because I knew that I could clear it, I did not worry so much and actually revelled in the experience, knowing that one day it would add to my story. I thought of my life and I thought one day this experience will add weight to this particular chapter of my life. I saw something that was so detrimental to my health and clouded in stigma as nothing more than content for my story. It was eventually cleared after 12 weeks of treatment, and I felt like a stronger man because of it.

What is life? What is this feeling that builds up within me? I feel as though something is approaching, and yet it never arrives. On reflection, life is just a series of chapters. I use this analogy often, and I use it to justify all the setbacks and mistakes I have made along the way. I am now 28 years old now, and I have no idea how many chapters I have left. Death stands around the corner forever waiting to consume us all. So I feel as though I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Do I begin writing my story now or do I wait another year, until that thing happens, that thing that is probably never going to happen? So if I wait too long for this moment that is based only on a gut feeling of my own intuition. Then I might actually miss this culminating pinnacle I have imagined, because I waited for it when I should have created it instead.

Vocal caught my eye as a writing platform because of all the challenges and cash prizes that they offer. I will be honest, I don't have a lot of money at the moment as I have just moved 2 hours south of my area to live with my girlfriend near her family and also near the water. I haven't got a full time job, I am living off government benefits and attempting to start up a landscape maintenance business with my neighbor. My girlfriend and I also sell a few things for her family on Facebook marketplace and take a commission off that. We don't have much money coming in, but we are surviving. So the allure of money, for something as simple as a thousand words, definitely caught my attention.

The idea of this contest playing in my mind, has opened up something new altogether inside me. I now have this desire to write. Not just for this challenge, but as an outlet. This could be my escape!... And oh, how I have searched, and sought for an escape from this world.

As soon as I was old enough to understand how cruel this world could be, I wanted to escape. Video games and play pretend ruled my childhood. At the time I didn’t acknowledge or understand the trauma that surrounded me as a pre-pubescent child. I did not know what I was seeing; I knew no different. On a weekly basis I would be in the middle of violent screaming, drug fueled attacks of rage, and drunken debates that made no sense to my young mind. All i could gather was that they never ended peacefully. This often intense environment didn’t just emerge from nothing. It was stirred up from a deep pain within the hearts and minds of those who meant the world to me; my family. Coming down all around me every day was utter chaos, a world ripped apart and held together only by threads. Those threads were a bond based on commonalities, which were primarily lifestyle choices, shared traumatic events, and the unconditional love they had for me and my younger sister.

I remember the day I discovered drugs almost perfectly. When they kicked in, I remember thinking how amazing this feeling was. My train of thought was something like: I don’t care what anyone thinks of me. I’m on top of the world right now. No wonder people love drugs so much. It was like all the pain I had been harboring for years being quickly swept under the rug. I could say or act, however stupid I wanted, without caring at all what others thought. It was like nothing I had ever felt. The obsession at first was not because I gained a feeling so much. The fixation grew because drugs hid my insecurities, and mental pain so damn well.

That was just a little snippet of one day, one day that changed the trajectory of my entire life. It was over 13 years and many chapters ago now. So much has happened since then and so much is still to come. These chapters of life keep unfolding so quick I barely notice them as they fly by. I’m getting older and the storyline doesn’t make much sense anymore.

I just want to smell some hope in the flowers . I need that promise of a better day to keep me hanging on.

When th

Someone told me to name this 'Chapters" so I did. There is a reason behind everything, and the reason behind the name of this series matters. Hopefully you get to read some of my insights in the days and weeks to come. I hope my words find a way to have an effect on your psyche. I am full of insights ands its just a matter of spurring the right conversation. Watch in awe as my words turn to gold and thoughts turn to wisdom. If you stick around your going to be glad (more than you can imagine) you gave me your time and belief.

Welcome all! To this erratic mess; This fickle notepad of I don't even know what. Its stupid, its lacks direction, it lacks substance, it . They are all fallacies for this story. This is something big. This is something that you cant turn your back on.

"This chapter's going to be a close one . Smoke rings I know your going to blow one. All on a spaceship persevering..." Cant stop by Red Hot Chilli Peppers