What eats away at you when everything seems perfect?
~~~~
Cancer. It’s not always a disease, you know.
Sometimes, it’s that gnawing, festering thing deep inside your heart that won’t let go. The kind of thing that spreads, unnoticed at first, until one day you realize it’s everywhere — in your thoughts, in your breath, in every beat of your heart.
My heart is broken.
There’s this aching inside of me, a weight that won’t shift no matter how hard I try to push it down. It’s like a lump in my throat, suffocating me when I least expect it, and clawing its way up when I try to speak or breathe.
Some days, it’s quieter, just a dull throb, but other times, it howls so loud I think it might tear me apart from the inside.
The last time I tried to spit it out, to finally speak about what’s rotting me from within, my so-called best friend, Marie, just smiled that infuriatingly perfect smile and said,
“Rihana, I’m pretty sure you have nothing to be worried about. Your parents are rich, and you have the best man one could ever hope for.”
Rich!, Best man! As if that’s all there is to happiness. As if money and a ring can cure the cancer inside me. It made me wonder — how can anyone truly know the flavor of…
But I’m not!
Sometimes, I wonder if I’m cursed with a blessing or blessed with a curse.
These days, I think I belong to that hollow category where everything looks perfect on the outside but feels like ashes inside.
I smile, I laugh, I go through the motions, but deep down, there’s a rotting emptiness. And what’s worse, I don’t even know what’s missing.
Does anyone ever think of me? Like, think of me.
Do I ever pop into someone’s head on a random Tuesday afternoon, the way others do for me?
There are times when I see a person in a crowd, and they remind me of someone I once knew. But am I ever that fleeting thought for someone else?
Or am I just … invisible?
I’ve spent more than 18 years of my life wishing for better, hoping that something — anything — would change. But nothing ever does. I never seem to get what I want; what I feel I deserve.
And, if I’m honest, the worst part is that I don’t even know what it is I want.
It’s like a dream you forget the moment you wake up — you know it was beautiful, or maybe terrifying, but it’s gone before you can hold on to it.
I am tired!
Tired of pretending. Tired of holding this aching, gnawing thing in my chest. Tired of being mute to my desires, too afraid to want, because wanting means admitting something is missing, doesn’t it? It means admitting that I’m broken in ways no one can see.
I hate it!
I hate feeling like I’m being eaten alive by something I can’t even name. I hate that I’ve been given everything people think they want, and yet, none of it fills the hollow part of me.
Sometimes, I think if I could just pull this cancer out of my chest — if I could name it, scream it out, wrench it free — maybe then I’d finally feel at peace.
But for now, I just keep on smiling, keep on pretending!!
After all, no one wants to hear about a cancer they can’t see.
~~~~~~~~
Author's Note:
Hey there! So, this story isn’t about me. It’s about how my friend feels about herself, and she asked me to put her feelings into words. She’s the kind of person who keeps a brave face but fights battles no one sees. Writing this was my way of giving her unspoken feelings a voice.
I hope it speaks to someone out there who feels the same. Let’s stop pretending we’re fine when we’re not, yeah? Sometimes, sharing the weight makes it lighter.
Don't forget to Comment, as I love reading your thoughts regarding this!
About the Creator
Komal
I write poems and stories that hit the feels.
When I’m not lost in my own plots, I’m either daydreaming about the next big idea or just winging life with a grin.
𝕀 𝕙𝕒𝕧𝕖 𝕥𝕙𝕖 ℙ𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 𝕥𝕠 𝕞𝕒𝕜𝕖 𝕒𝕟 𝕀𝕄ℙ𝔸ℂ𝕋
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Comments (18)
I lost so many to cancer and recently I love this great work 🙏🌹
Thank you for sharing this. I believe that your friend is seeking a combination of identifying her voice, personality, and personal talents. She is screaming to be heard in a loud world that is challenging and chaotic. I think truly the core of her is longing for emotional, spiritual and mental intimacy. She needs a friend just like you Komal to help walk her through a journey of self discovery. I have to wonder if she’s been under the thumb of restrictions and authorities who are overly protective, maybe? She needs reassurance and friendly comfort which you’ve provided in many ways I wager. Keep loving her unconditionally, it is the most powerful force we have access to.
You are right: no one wants to hear about a cancer they can not see. It’s terrifying. I dealt with cancer in 2019-2020. It was both the scariest and strongest time in my life. Great writing. The analogy was powerful.
Such a masterpiece
Cursed with a blessing or blessed with a curse, I had to swallow my saliva with this one. Deep? Too deep but truly breathtaking. I wanted to ramble on to avoid this bit but… I get it, it hurts that I get it actually. Because that’s what I thought, if only I just get everything I dream of then I will be alright, but I am the same one crying in the corner two hours later. In the moment beyond being grateful for what I’ve got…I’m the one crying. I read your authors note and I am relieved this isn’t about you but aching for your friend, who it was about. You did a very nice thing for her, and that’s what we are here for as writers, putting things into words for others who feel they can’t. Thank you for giving her a voice, and for allowing us to watch you grow through your writing and experience what you are doing for others. I wish someone would stop chopping onions 👌🏽👏🏽🤗♥️
This was so heart wrenching! My heart goes out to your friend.
Powerful & heartfelt! I'm grateful that your friend has someone to support her and to acknowledge her feelings. Praying 4 her healing. 🙏🏾
The formatting here was really uniquely powerful, it kinda felt like a conversation with one’s self. Word choice throughout had your writing feeling poetic without seeming over the top or “purple” so great job!
This is such a beautifully raw and heartfelt piece—it captures the invisible battles so many of us face. Thank you for giving a voice to emotions that are often left unspoken.
Your friend is fortunate to have you. I admire how you care deeply about others and find words for emotions they cannot express.
So very sorry your friend is suffering right now. One day at a time for both of you. 🙏
This is repeated everywhere about human beings. Despite their occurrence, many of them do not reveal their problem or complaint. thank you Komal for sharing that story
I'm so sorry to hear that about your friend😢 Praying everything will be okay. Incredible piece, it isn't easy putting this into words! 💌🌟
Oh gurl, this was enough to make me teary; no need for "The pursuit of Happyness", I still know people like this—those who, with bold and happy faces, seem to have everything one could wish for, yet are quietly struggling and feeling empty in their inner lives. I have so much sympathy for your friend! I hope she gets fulfillment in her heart. Although we can never truly understand someone else's pain, it remains the one thing we can never fully grasp. May she get rid of her 'cancer' and may her life be filled with happyness ❤
Omggg, I feel so sorry for your friend. I wish I could give her a hug 🥺❤️
Does your friend have cancer? May God keep her healthy. You have written with great depth; it is very touching and heartfelt. You have beautifully fulfilled your friend's wish.✨👏
You masterfully captured the "invisible pain", the "gnawing thing" that lingers in one's mind. I am so sorry for your friend, hopefully she'll be better soon!✨💗🌿
Oh wow, Komal, this hits deep but feels so raw and real! The way you captured that invisible ache? Incredible. It’s like you dove right into someone’s soul and wrote what they couldn’t say. Love how you made it so human, so felt. I really feel sorry for your friend! Awesome stuff!