Calling Thin People Skinny Isn’t a Compliment

Calling people skinny has historically been associated with a compliment mainly women sought after. But truthfully, it can be just as insulting as calling someone fat. I know it may sound hard to believe. Here's why.

Growing up, I was told I was too skinny, needed some meat on my bones, and that I would be prettier if I gained weight. During my second year of college, a stranger started talking to me and instantly complimented my weight.

She whined. She complained over her wishes to "be as skinny as me," and stared me down head to toe like I was that bitch. At the time, I wasn't half the loudmouth I am today and barely made eye contact with her, feeling threatened.

She then proceeded to ask me if I was anorexic.

I was absolutely stunned, so mortified I would have disappeared if I could. I'm extremely lucky to never have suffered from any type of eating disorder, but I have an idea of the mental and physical pain that comes with the package of one. I couldn't fathom the audacity of this stranger and the ignorance that graced her tongue.

I was so taken aback by her question (with unknown intentions to this day) that I just sat there sheepishly. I cried for the rest of the day…and the next one too. It's the most offensive thing someone's mouth has ever scarred me with.

Too Many Nosy People

Over the years, I have found myself defending my weight on more occasions than I'd like to recall. I tried to gain weight. I hated being skinny. I knew I was skinny and really didn't need reminding all the time. And relentless comments from both strangers and loved ones made me hate my body and my general appearance.

I just couldn't gain weight. I inherited my mom's small frame and was even fed nightly milkshakes as a kid. They had lots of ice cream to fatten me up, along with daily Ensures and nutritional milk-based supplements (which now as a vegan "udderly" disgusts me. Haha, get it?)

As an adult who has now "filled out," I rarely get comments on how thin I am. I suppose this to be true because I've taken action to work out regularly and build muscle so I don't appear to be such a frail toothpick.

Despite this, I still am thin. Though on occasion if someone should question my weight, I have no problem looking them in the face and following up accordingly, with a big dose of (mental) Fuck You and "mind your own business."

I will always be thin. It's just me. And I feel awesome. I've learned to be comfortable and confident in my body, and I express gratitude for each and every part of the human vessel that makes me "me" every day.

As part of my morning ritual gratitude practice, I express thanks for a lot. Namely, my legs and arms- the ones that used to be really skinny, and now they're just thin.

There's a difference.

I often look back to all the people who have tried to make me feel bad about my weight and all-embracing appearance over the years. And I now realize that most made those comments because they were hurting. They were unhappy with their image.

While many of the people who felt it was necessary to call me too skinny were the ones who suffered from overweight-ness, and more often than not - -obesity. That's not an excuse, but it's a reason, and all this time later…I feel for them, truly.

It always seems easier to forgive people and actually try to understand their struggles when you yourself have risen above the insults, ignorant and hurtful comments, and bullies so many years later. And I thank myself for crying it out as needed, and for not being pushed towards an actual eating disorder.

Sadly, that is the reality for many because after hearing the same thing so many times, you start to think it's true. And the pressure society forces onto your shoulders may push you towards insanity.

On the flipped side of the coin, some have mentioned my weight to me over the years out of true concern for my wellbeing and health. And perhaps, they simply didn't realize how sensitive of a topic it happens to be for me.

Growing up, I was always "off the charts" in terms of both weight and height, and this raised genuine concern for my parents and loved ones.

But as I aged and remained skinny, people questioned it constantly. It made me wish I was born to a different body, which led me to a period of time where I engaged in overeating. I would say, "I need to consume as many calories as possible today."

And looking back, I had a miserable relationship with food.

It ruled my life and I developed an obsession with overeating.

At restaurants, I would finish my friend's leftovers even if I was stuffed, and started keeping food on me all the time just to keep consuming something.

When I worked in catering for a few years, I was known to my coworkers as the girl who kept chicken fingers in her vest pocket. I also would shove shrimp cocktails down my throat faster than you could count them. My hoarding of food was a running joke with them.

And now, looking back I can see it was a disastrous relationship that wasn't giving me what I needed. I was unsatisfied, and worst of all - I was still as thin as I had been before.

Then, something happened.

My relationship with food shifted as I became involved with spirituality, weight lifting, and veganism. I reckon it was a combination of those three things.

I felt lighter, brighter, fuller, and more satisfied after a meal than I could ever recall. Loved ones started commenting on my body telling me I looked fitter and heavier and had referred to my rear as a "bubble butt."

And as much as I hate determining my self-worth on what others see me as, the influx of compliments I was receiving had seriously impacted how I viewed my own body.

Sure, I would likely always have small breasts and a petite frame, but I started to love myself for it, and being thin turned into something I was actually grateful for.

Then I became involved with cooking, and my relationship with food had evolved into something sacred to me. I am currently working on an e-book called "Eat to Live" where I showcase some of my most well-loved plant-based dishes that have proven to be crowd-pleasers time and time again.

I also have a ten-year plan to create my own vegan catering company, which I will do with a love for food. My drive is to help others develop a healthy relationship with what they serve at their tables and to help them feel good.

For me, there is a silver lining that turned into something beautiful - something I plan on devoting my life to. And as a young adult, my relationship with food is a beautiful thing. I can honestly say I've never loved my body more than I do today. And that isn't because I've become a slave to excessive exercise or calorie counting.

It's because I nourish my body with foods often in their natural form that energizes my mind and leaves me feeling like I could run a marathon. On most days, I wake up and basically jump out of bed with excitement for life and ecstatic reflections of the state of my body.

No matter the comments I receive, I have grown past them while I stand strong and love myself always.

But perhaps the next time you feel the urge to tell a thin person they look skinny, think again - and maybe just keep it to yourself. It's hard to consider the long-term effects a single comment can ensue in someone's life - even if we have pure intentions to help them. Take it from me. The consequence may be mighty.

I consider myself one of the lucky ones, able to rise above it. And anyway, I'm sure they have a mirror in their house and didn't ask in the first place for the approval of others. Life is hard enough as it is already.

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