Suicide is not an option, I have kids who need me. Having said that, I wish I were dead. Life would be so much easier if I could close my eyes and never wake up. I'm too tired to fix things. It's over, this was my last kick at the can, and once again, I have failed miserably.
People look at me and probably think I'm doing ok. 47 year old woman with a beautiful home on 6 waterfront acres in rural Nova Scotia, business owner, mother of two, artist, musician...they tell me I'm beautiful inside and out. I should be happy, but I'm not. I'm about to break.
My hands are cut, and bruised. Last night I tore my bedroom apart in a drunken rage. My boyfriend Larry, has been accusing me of flirting with men on social media. We have a terrible relationship, it started out good, but fell apart just like all the rest. I need to get away from him, but he won't go. I need to have some peace and quiet before something really bad happens. I'm afraid I will end up dead, and my children all alone in this rotten world. I have no one to help me, I'm alone, and I'm scared.
I quit my job in Ontario and moved to Nova Scotia two years ago. Larry and I were madly in love, or so it seemed. He's been a tattoo artist for the past 25 years, and soon after we met in 2017, we began to make plans to start a whole new life some place else. He taught me how to tattoo, and I sold my house, and bought this farm. I bought a commercial building in downtown Amherst, and we opened our tattoo shop. Things began to fall apart almost immediately. Larry became abusive, and volatile. Our fights are getting more and more intense, and dangerous. I've been abused before, I have PTSD as it is, now I think I'm gone over the edge. I literally don't care about my own safety at times, and I am standing up to him more and more. Last night I slept with a knife. I went crazy and stabbed the back of my bedroom door about 20 times. Drunk as fuck. I'm a wreck, I need help. He's in the kitchen right now, I don't want to go out and face him..
To be continued..
About the Creator
Do You have a Support Network?
Life is harder when you’re on your own. Human beings are social creatures, and we usually feel better when we have support from a strong social network around us. For most people, it’s our families that hold us together like glue.
By Elizabeth Woodsabout 6 hours ago in Psyche
The Silent Pattern That Is Draining Your Life Without You Noticing
The Silent Pattern That Is Draining Your Life Without You Noticing Not all psychological struggles announce themselves loudly. Some don’t come as panic attacks, breakdowns, or visible crises. Some arrive quietly. They blend into your routine. They feel like “just life.” And that is exactly why they are so dangerous. This article is about one of those patterns. When Functioning Becomes a Disguise You wake up. You do what needs to be done. You fulfill responsibilities. From the outside, you look fine. But internally, something feels… depleted. Not sadness. Not anxiety. Just a constant low-level exhaustion — mental, emotional, existential. This is not laziness. And it is not weakness. It is a psychological pattern built around over-functioning. The Over-Functioning Trap Over-functioning happens when your sense of worth becomes tied to: Being useful Being reliable Being the “strong one” Holding everything together At first, it feels like maturity. Later, it becomes identity. Eventually, it becomes a prison. You stop asking: “What do I need?” “What do I feel?” “What do I want?” Because survival has trained you to focus only on: “What must be done next?” Why This Pattern Forms This pattern often develops early: In emotionally unpredictable environments In households where your needs were secondary When being “low-maintenance” kept the peace When responsibility arrived before safety So you adapted. You learned to function without support. You learned to silence discomfort. You learned to keep moving — no matter the cost. And it worked. Until it didn’t. The Cost No One Talks About The cost is subtle but heavy: Chronic emotional numbness Difficulty resting without guilt Feeling disconnected even during success A sense that life is happening around you, not within you You may achieve things. You may be admired. But fulfillment feels strangely absent. That absence is not a flaw in you. It is a signal. Awareness Is the First Disruption This pattern survives on invisibility. Once you see it, it weakens. Start noticing: When productivity replaces self-worth When rest feels unsafe When you only feel valuable while giving You don’t need to “fix” yourself overnight. You need to listen — without judgment. Healing here is not dramatic. It is quiet. Consistent. And deeply human. A Final Thought You were not meant to merely function. You were meant to experience life. If this article resonated, it’s not because something is wrong with you. It’s because something true was finally named. And naming is always the beginning.
By Med Abdeljabbar5 days ago in Psyche
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