Breaking the Mindset of an Alcoholic

The most important decision you will make is whether or not to quit drinking and live a sober life.

Commit completely, ditch the doubts, prepare for a sober life and your progress will be easier and smoother. Sit on the fence and entertain dreams of drinking "normally" and your journey will be a struggle.

I tried both ways, and it wasn't until I said "F88k it. Enough is enough!" that I was finally able to lose the mindset of an alcoholic and end decades of drinking.

It is much more important to work on the right mindset than it is to work really hard on trying to develop your willpower so you can say no to alcohol and drink normally. Working hard is still important, but it's useless if you don't have the right mindset. I learnt this the hard way.

Formulating The Right Mindset

In this article, we're going to discuss why your alcohol mindset is important and how to change the way you think so you can build the right habits that will help with giving up alcohol and living a sober life.

When most people think about giving up alcohol, they naturally start by considering the outcomes they want to have. "I want to have more energy in the mornings." Or, "I want to stop drinking after 3 glasses."

Unfortunately, this way of thinking doesn't help because goals without a system are like a fairy tale. They are never going to come true. This simple YouTube video by Better Than Yesterday, explains this concept very clearly.

The alternative is to focus on who you have to become and not on what you have to do. As Dr Joe Dispenza says, "Where you place your attention is where you place your energy." So invest your time and energy wisely.

Back in the 70s, Joe Karbo, author of " The Lazy Man's Way to Riches", introduced the concept of dyna psyche, which focuses on changing your beliefs so you become the person who creates wealth.

Dr Joe Dispensa, author of many best-selling books including, "Breaking the Habit of Being Yourself" also used this same concept. He has helped countless people master their beliefs and change the chemistry of their body to create a healthy whole body and mind.

A more recent advocate for identity-based change is James Clear, best-selling author of "Atomic Habits," a book based on changing your habits, and creating new supportive ones that allow you to be a better version of yourself.

James encourages you to start by focusing on who you wish to become, not what you want to achieve. This means if you want to quit the habit of drinking, you need to focus on becoming a sober person who lives an incredible sober life.

Here's the reasoning behind this:

Anyone can convince themselves to say no to a drink once or twice, but if you don't shift the belief behind your drinking behaviour, then it becomes hard to stick with long-term sobriety. Saying no is only a temporary improvement until it becomes part of who you are.

James gives a few examples of the difference in mindset that leads to successful change:

The goal is not to finish a painting; the goal is to become an artist.

The goal is not to win the game or competition; the goal is to become a person who practises every day.

The ultimate goal is to be so deeply connected to the identity of a sober person you are always intrinsically motivated to say no to a drink. Your habit of not drinking becomes part of your identity. You become a person who is successfully living with sobriety.

You really only have two choices.

You can choose to say, "I'm the type of person who wants to quit drinking."

Or you can choose to say, "I'm the type of person who is living with sobriety."

Can you see the difference? It might seem a really small difference, but the effect on your mindset and how you act is huge.

Your internal beliefs form your identity and dictate how you behave. We're very often not even aware of our beliefs, as they were formed at such an early age.

When it comes to alcohol, it may surprise you how early in life you were influenced by the big booze companies and the adults who drank around you. In a 2019, study, it was discovered that children between the ages of 4–8 become increasingly knowledgeable about drinking, which may put them at risk for early alcohol initiation and frequent drinking later in life.

At some point in your life, you decided you were a drinker. You identified with drinking alcohol and you formed behaviours and habits linked to that identity.

You went to places where they served alcohol, found friends who drank alcohol, set up your routines around alcohol. As James Clear says, 

"To a large degree, your identity emerges out of your habits. It's like a self-improvement feedback loop. The more you repeat a behaviour, the more you reinforce the identity associated with that behaviour. And the more you reinforce the identity, the more natural it will feel to repeat the behaviour."

Every drink you have ever taken reinforced the belief that you are a drinker.

Create A Sober You

Now, you have to shift that belief and focus on becoming a person living with sobriety. Every time you say no to a drink, it's a step in the right direction. 

Every minute, hour and day that you are sober is an action that helps build your identity as a sober person.

Incredible as it may seem, just delaying that drink by 5 minutes is going to be a win. It's going to start you in the right direction. 

It's going to give your inner coach some ammunition. It can say, "Hey, we did it for 5 minutes, we are the sort of person who can say no. Let's get curious and let's stop".

"Atomic Habits: Every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become."

When your behaviour and your identity are fully aligned, you are no longer a drinker or someone trying to taper off drinking. You are acting like the sober person who is easily living with sobriety. You are acting like the sober person you already believe yourself to be.

Benjamin Franklin "The things you do often create the things you believe."

Final Thoughts

Think about your desired identity as a person living with sobriety and ask, "Who is the type of person that could quit drinking?"

What would a healthy, sober person do? What would a sober person drink? What would a sober person do when they were bored? How would a sober person act around alcohol?

These questions will help you to understand the type of person you need to become and what habits you need to develop to support that identity.

Once you have a clearer picture of the type of sober person you want to be, you can begin to plan and take small steps to reinforce your identity as a person living a sober life.

Here are some more examples of linking your habits to a sober life:

If you are always tired/ill after drinking, focus on becoming the type of person who cares about what they put in their body and desires optimum fitness.

If you drink when you are bored, focus on becoming the type of person who always has productive things ready to fill their time every day.

If you drink to avoid problems, focus on becoming the type of person who loves challenges and solves them easily.

The focus should always be on becoming that type of person, not on quitting drinking.

When you start your sober journey, it is important to gain small wins. This is completely opposite to what I did. I spent years focusing on trying to build willpower and counting failed attempts or how many drinks. I learnt what didn't work and wasted my time.

In hindsight, it would have been better to get a new hobby, focus on my health and develop new skills. Instead, I was constantly locked into a circle of failure and negativity reinforced by alcohol.

Your habits reshape your identity. I was able to transform some of my beliefs and habits after I read the Lazy Man's Way to Riches. It was slow and nearly impossible to see, but it happened.

It's often difficult to tell the difference between who you were yesterday and who you are today. I'm not the same person I was when I identified as a drinker. Am I a better version of me. I think so and at the end of the day, that's all that matters.

Every time you say no to alcohol is a vote for the new you and a signal that is going to help you shift your identity from a drinker to a person living with sobriety.

Start by focusing on becoming a sober person, not on what you want to achieve.

You can quit drinking and stay sober. You can build a better, healthier, sober life.

Live Strong, Love, and Stay Sober

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