Breaking Free From Trauma

Do you believe that we are put on this earth for a reason? 

You don't have to be spiritual to believe.

I believed in something more when I was growing up. It was my way of surviving my childhood as a sex-offender's daughter. 

I realized my dream and broke away from trauma, but my ride to freedom has been far from easy.

We hear about trauma this and trauma that. The word trauma is used so much that it's almost lost its true meaning. If you have been affected by real trauma, then you know how much it hurts. 

Trauma doesn't go away on its own.

Trauma doesn't just stop existing when the traumatic events have ended. 

Trauma carries on long after it happened. 

In the case of PTSD or Complex PTSD, triggers can keep following survivors 24 hours a day. I know because I've lived it and you might know this life too or know someone who is living it right now. 

The news and society report traumatic events like popping corn. Stories after stories are broadcast to the masses about one horrific event after another. 

Who reports on the aftermath?

Does anyone care anymore?

Who is bold enough to stand up and talk about trauma victims after a harrowing event?

Not many of us. 

We hear nothing but crickets. 

Radio silence.

Yet, we live with trauma every single day. 

That is why I write because our voices matter. Every one matters.

Did you know that many trauma survivors struggle every single day?

Trauma impacts how survivors carry on with daily tasks and even connections with people. 

Survivors who have suffered from prolonged trauma over months and years are more prone to struggle with regulating emotions. 

For example a small comment or tone of voice can trigger an involuntary flashback that can derail a whole day. We don't talk about it because we can't. It's too painful and even if we could, it's private. 

Instead, trauma survivors nod and agree even when we are screaming inside.

We please everyone at the detriment of our own sanities.

We keep going way past our own boundaries. 

Because nobody cares. Nobody sees our struggles. 

Trauma survivors don't exist in the world. We get tucked away in the news- buried by noise. 

Who decides what's important? 

Breaking Free

I'm a trauma survivor and I escaped childhood abuse and harrowing trauma. I was a teenager when I left everything I knew and started again.

After a life riddled with abuse, survivors usually have no idea how to live and take care of ourselves, or how to be around other people. 

Social events are awkward and even a visit to the food market can be frightening because we are reminded of the threats from our abusers. The shackles of trauma still rings loud and clear inside our heads. Even though we have broken free, that "voice" is still in our minds, dictating our every move. 

It can take years for this voice to go away.

I realized quickly that if I was to survive alone in this world, I had to start thinking of myself first.

So, how do you do that when you have never been in control of your own life before?

I soon discovered that living free gave me my answers over time. It was a matter of survival. 

Taking Back Control

I was an avid reader and I enjoyed watching movies and watching people. I could sit on a park bench for hours watching people and taking invisible notes of how people behaved, interacted and reacted to things and each other. 

Watching people interact gave me ideas to how people socialized without the presence of abuse. I have always been hyper-vigilant and I put my skills to good use. 

I noticed that people did not shout hurtful words at each other. There were no insults or fights and when I saw parents hug their kids instead of being mean, something stirred deep within. 

I started to hope that the world was more like this. The more I saw affectionate and smiling people, the happier I became. I started smiling more even though I still felt raw emotionally. 

With every day that passed, I smiled and gave myself little goals to achieve. Goals that may seem silly to someone who has had free will, but meant everything to me.

I started taking note of my body and once a day I tried to just sit and breathe. 

It may seem weird that such a small change would help, but it turned my life around. I started paying attention to my body which in turn led to me noticing if I was tense or relaxed. 

Once I had a feel of what tense and relaxed "felt like", I could do something about it because I had until this point copied others' behavior.

Setting Goals

One of my first goals was to never go hungry again. I also promised myself that I would try to eat the best I could with the money I had earned. I would choose carefully what food to eat that I enjoyed but was also a balanced meal. I introduced more vegetables and fruit in my diet, and I started to have more energy. A better diet helped my health and I was not sick as much.

My second goal was to shower every day because it made me feel better. I took time to shampoo my hair and I made sure to stay in the shower for as long as I wanted to. My complexion started to change quickly. My skin was looking less grey and I had a new brightness in my cheeks.

My third goal was to buy myself better fitting clothes so that no one would tease me about clothes again. I bought jeans and shirts that fitted my body type. I bought more than two pairs of shoes so I had different shoes to exercise in than what I wore to work.

These three simple changes may seem silly and basic to someone who has not been abused. To me it was the start of my life as a free woman. I got my life to live, the way I wanted to and I felt great.

My name is Lizzy. I'm a trauma survivor, a wife, a mom, a teacher, and an author.

For more about me: www.elizabethwoodsauthor.com

Support your fellow writer:

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Here are a few links to my top articles:

How to Explain Complex PTSD to Loved Ones

https://medium.com/illumination/how-to-explain-complex-ptsd-to-loved-ones-769f81d437ab

Looking for a Change?

https://medium.com/activated-thinker/looking-for-a-change-f391e85abbd7

A Search for Identity

https://medium.com/beyond-lines/a-search-for-identity-893df7c970c2

Are You Searching for Peace?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-searching-for-peace-cd54d76231c8

Are You Dealing With Burnout?

https://medium.com/illumination/are-you-dealing-with-burnout-374f774141b4