Beyond "Going for a Run"

At some point in our adulthood, many of us are faced with the uncomfortable reality that our depression is here to stay. Maybe it's seasonal, triggered by external factors, or ongoing, but it's clear that it's not leaving any time soon. For those who live alongside depression long term, here are some tips from personal experience that I hope can enrich your life.

I will make the following suggestions under the assumption that you have already been told to sleep well, eat nutritious food, exercise to get those endorphins and talk about your feelings to loved ones or a professional.

Go easy on yourself

First and foremost, don't beat yourself up for the person you become when you're depressed. Everyone is so quick to tell us to eat healthy and exercise in order to feel better. But motivation is the first thing to abandon us, so how are we meant to do that? Go at your own pace. It's okay to cancel on friends if you have to. It's okay to eat fast food and stay in bed. Remember that you're not going to be in this state forever, there are always better days. It's okay if you don't meet other people's expectations of you, because they don't know your struggles. Remind yourself that you don't have to live according to standards set by others.

Let yourself feel what you're feeling

Feeling what you're feeling can be a balancing act. If you suppress your emotions, it'll only haunt you later, but if you only focus on negative emotions you'll likely spiral. I'm still finding what works best for me, but part of that has been to accept when the negative feelings set in. A few years ago, I started treating depression like an old friend who comes to visit me now and then and I never know how long they'll be here. Noticing the first signs of depression can be scary, because it can signify a very painful few weeks or months to come. It can mean your good habits are going to be overcome by tiredness and lack of motivation. But the depression won't stay away if you pretend you don't notice it. So greet it. Cry if you have to. In fact, cry whenever you need to. Be aware of your negative emotions, identify them, think about where they might be coming from or what you think might help. Some people find it helpful to write these thoughts down. But afterwards, find something else for your mind to do in the hope that there'll be other thoughts occupying you by the time you need to sleep.

Shut out the outside world

When you're depressed, it can be so easy to be influenced by external factors that drag you down further. I've become a master at avoiding comparative thinking. I refuse to see someone succeed today and let it make me feel bad about the fact that I couldn't get out of bed. I refuse to see an Instagram post of a beautiful woman, and wish I looked like her. If you need to avoid social media for a few days then do it. But always remember, just because someone looks like they're doing well doesn't mean they don't have their own set of problems. It's impossible to know how another person is living their life, just like others don't know your suffering. You are your only measurement for success, and some days success is surviving.

It can be difficult to distinguish between supportive and negative friends when everything feels grey. But when you're feeling your worst, supportive friends are not going to add to your suffering. I'm not going to tell you to ditch your friends if they aren't helping, they may not know what they're doing. But I will encourage you to ignore people who guilt trip you for withdrawing, or make fun of you for disassociating, or gas light you for being lazy. If they know you're struggling and cannot adjust their behaviour, maybe they're not the ones to open up to. When you're already battling negative thoughts, the last thing you need is additional negative comments and energy from the people around you.

Meet new people

This one may not be for everyone, especially if you are also socially anxious, but it's something that has occasionally helped me. I don't mean meeting new people with the intention of making new friends necessarily. I more so mean that if you have an opportunity to go out or to a party, put on a persona and chat to some strangers, sometimes it does wonders for your mood. People around you who know you're having a bad time may give you that sympathetic look and talk to you soothingly, and accidentally make you feel like more of a pathetic case. It's not their fault, and they're not even doing anything wrong, but new faces can sometimes be so refreshing. Putting on a smile and cracking some jokes and just feeling like a happy and confident person for a night can be such a mood booster. I've occasionally come home from nights like that with a smile on my face and realised it's the best I've felt since my depression settled in weeks earlier. It's a bit of a "fake it 'til you make it" but sometimes that's what we need.

Flood your senses

At risk of sounding shallow, sometimes I'll just light some candles. And then run a bath and put essential oils on my temples. It doesn't cure depression, but it's worth trying to trick your body into relaxing through physical stimuli. I find these sorts of methods especially helpful when anxiety is threatening to take over my day. Deep breaths of lavender scent or steam from a shower can bring that heart rate down. If you have soothing music, put that on too. I personally get physically irritable, and having a bath or shower can calm that feeling. Drinking water and brushing my teeth can also help with that physical discomfort, possibly caused by all the unhealthy depression food I've been eating. Shave your legs, moisturise and slip into something silky. Your emotions and the way your body feels are so intimately linked. Even if it's a placebo effect, find ways to get your body feeling right.

Find outlets other than self harm

It's a dangerous game finding activities to replace self harm, because anything overdone can be self destructive. I won't encourage anyone to drink, smoke or do drugs when they are feeling that urge, because that has the potentially to be just as harmful for your psyche. Brainstorm ways to get that emotional release or adrenaline rush in non-destructive ways. For me, that can be cutting or dying my hair. Doing something physical like sprinting, push ups in your bedroom, or even sex if that's an option (masturbate if it's not?). Hell, walk into a tattoo parlour and get that little tattoo you've been putting off. Just leaving your house, no matter where you're going, can remove the option when you're feeling the urge the most. When I was younger, I used to occasionally sneak out of the house just to go for a short walk in the middle of the night (only do that one if the area is safe). Find something aggressive to do with your hands, like punching your pillow or pulling pages out of a book. The more days, weeks or months you can put between today and the last time you self harmed can help make it seem less like an option.

Channel your feelings

I've always been a bit envious of naturally musical people who can play music as a way of expressing negative feelings. I grew up playing the viola, and it doesn't quite have the same effect as a drum kit or guitar. When I was younger, I turned to writing to channel my feelings. I found it cathartic to write poetry (that no one will ever read) and stories involving characters with strong feelings. Any kind of hobby or activity can be a channel, like cooking or drawing or gardening. If your brain associates an activity with catharsis, you might just find enough motivation to get up and go do the thing. Consider it a way to express your feelings without talking to someone, which isn't always convenient or sometimes you're all talked out. Doing an activity can also give you a sense of accomplish on days when doing chores doesn't seem possible. Over time, any improvement in skill level can be very gratifying too.

Prepare for bad days

I know that I have bad days, and I know how useless I am at getting anything done on bad days. I hate checking my bank account and seeing all the Uber Eats transactions from the three days in a row I refused to make food for myself. Or seeing messages from my friends complaining that we haven't done anything in over a month, even though it's only been the last two weeks that I've been too depressed to socialise. Stock up on frozen meals, put some nuts and dried fruit in the pantry and buy some long life milk while you're at it. Avoid those food deliveries by keeping the house stocked with cheaper and healthier options that require just as little effort. Dress up and go to those social engagements if you're feeling up to it, so you don't feel as guilty for canceling on your worse days. Buy some iron, magnesium, vitamin D and B-12 supplements to improve energy levels when you're feeling drained. You know better than anyone what tasks seem too hard when you're struggling, find ways to prepare rather than hoping those days never come. Worst case, the frozen food will sit there indefinitely.

Get one thing done every day

This is a funny one that I picked up in the last couple of years. It can be so easy to let days go by without doing anything other than work and putting yourself to bed. This feeds feelings of worthlessness which add to your negative head space. If you force yourself to find the energy just for ten minutes to collect the dishes from your room and put them in the dishwasher, then the next day when you wake up you won't have dirty dishes in your room anymore. Then maybe today, you'll put on just a small load of underwear and socks that'll take three minutes to hang, so that tomorrow when you wake up you'll have clean underwear and socks. Finding ten minutes each day to put all your energy into one task means that over time you can feel a sense of productivity. It's so disheartening to feel like you've accomplished nothing in a fortnight. Wash your hair, cut your nails, put the things on your bedside table away into the drawers, put books back on a shelf, put shoes back where they belong. Pick one task, no matter how small, so that it's done. And go to bed knowing you did something today. And more importantly, wake up in a room that feels a little different to when you woke up yesterday.

-

These are just some things that I've found to be personally useful. I certainly struggle to keep to all these guidelines on my worst days. Most importantly, be mindful of the state you're in. There are resources at your disposal. Don't feel like you're not suffering enough to be eligible to call Lifeline or chat to a virtual therapist. You're always better off being too cautious. Be kind to yourself.