Being Shy and Having Social Anxiety Are Not the Same Thing

So, let me start this off by saying that I am not the most patient, tolerant person in the world. However, as someone who identifies as an empath, I do believe I'm in the top 5. Either way, I think it's high time that people recognize social anxiety for the severe disorder it is, rather than over-generalizing it and chalking it up to simply being "shy."

As adults, we have all experienced anxiety. So, you don't need to fully understand every aspect of anxiety to be able to sympathize/empathize with those of us who experience this issue full-time. Nevertheless, I repeatedly find myself explaining anxiety disorders to critically-thinking adults who have decided that anxiety is just a code word for being a tad too shy.

The Glaring Differences

On the outside looking in, shyness can appear quite similar to social anxiety. Both issues involve someone who is often quiet, withdrawn, and reluctant to speak and interact in social situations. However, the similarities pretty much begin and end there.

Social anxiety is a full-blown disorder; shyness is a personality trait. So, although you may seek to help your loved one "get over their anxiety," it may take much more than a few trips to your local karaoke bar to help them overcome their symptoms.

Moreover, being socially anxious is marked by a major impairment of function that does not exist in those who simply have a shy personality—those of us who suffer from social anxiety experience extreme fear and dread in most social situations. We also experience physical symptoms, such as sweating, voice tremors, heart palpitations, and much more. So, while it may be super convenient to introduce your socially anxious friend as "a little shy," this is often a huge disservice to them and anyone living with any type of anxiety.

Additionally, anxiety comes with a level of fear and avoidance most people can never fathom. In other words, it's not that you may be a little nervous about an upcoming event; when you have anxiety, you will be fixated on this event for weeks or even months in advance. You will try to think of any and all excuses why you can't/won't attend, and when that doesn't work, you may resort to stressing out over every single thing that can possibly go wrong. Anxiety literally robs you of the joy of living in the moment because you are too afraid of making the same mistakes you've made in the past or fixating on what terrible thing may happen next.

Personally Speaking

My anxiety has been wreaking havoc on my life since I was very young. Being known as a super-smart overachiever doesn't afford you very much in terms of friends and allies. So, no matter who I got close to, I always lived in fear of the possibility that they were only pretending. And time after time, I was proven right.

Just imagine being the only person you know with no one else to turn to or confide in. I never had a safe space. I was bullied and discarded by people who were much older than I was, and all because being well-read made me a "know-it-all" to others.

At a point, I started to aim low. Sure, I loved to excel, but living in constant isolation for years at a time was a hell most can never even fathom. Moreover, my real love was the arts; I'd have much rather been singing, dancing, rapping, and acting than doing boring busy. Years later, I wish I would have stuck to my guns and got used to the solitude. However, my internal clock remains in panic mode, and undoing the damage is much harder than anticipated.

The Bottom Line

Although I am constantly described as shy, I don't think that word will ever define me. When I am true to myself, I am boisterous, loud, and I dominate my surroundings. Reducing my social anxiety to mere "shyness" is an insult. I have nothing against the shy folks among us; I'd kill to be shy rather than anxious any day. Having social anxiety means being forced to fight an internal war that seeks to destroy the very essence of who I am each and every day. I'm not shy, I'm in recovery and healing the wings that were clipped before I even knew they existed.