Battling Depression

It all started one day at a private school, it had been like any other day but if I had known where that day would end up, I would have given up before even starting.

That day I spent having fun with my friends, worrying about the upcoming trial exams that were had in the 11th grade and all the trivial things in our lives. It was after school that things changed, my mood had dropped out of nowhere it was like being doused in ice-cold water and nothing all at the same time, so I did the dumbest thing a person could do, I ignored and moved on. My stress levels began being higher than normal and as an epileptic this wasn't a good thing, I started having a larger number of seizures and this worried my mother so she decided that we should see a doctor and I agreed. So we met with the doctor and she said I needed to see a psychologist, and referred me to one.

Meeting the psychologist was different then I had imagined, she was so chilled that I naturally relaxed around her and told her things I had never told anyone not even my mom, who I tell everything. I had told her of times that I had tried to commit suicide and how at most times I had this dark feeling but just thought that this was apart of being a teenager but I soon learned that as most people have dark days, not many people have the same feeling of drowning in my body or like my mind just shatters and my body numbs out and I feel nothing. She finally diagnoses me with clinical depression and from there she assigns monthly sessions to talk about my feelings. For a year and half things were okay and better but it changed somewhere in the beginning of my first year in varsity, my fits returned, my stress levels were too high and things just got to be too much for me and I broke at least enough for my psychologist to refer me to a psychiatrist. My psychiatrist also turned out to be a nice lady and easy to talk and she changed my diagnosis to Major Depressive Disorder and Generalized Anxiety Disorders. She explained to me how this was cause by my epilepsy and how most people with epilepsy can suffer from depression and she decided to put me on medication which was hard for me so she put me in a In-patient care facility and when she did that I honestly thought oh my god I am crazy and I am going to a nut house but when I arrived there it was not what I had expected, it was a nice house building with nice area surrounding it and the people were completely everyday people like teachers and cops that I realized that I am not crazy and that depression is a disease that anyone could have and that made me feel better about myself but what was hard was adjusting to meds and their side effects, some of my meds in the beginning were so bad with side effects that I just stop taking them which I do not recommend because that could shock your system like it did me but eventually you get passed that and there will still be moments were you are on the right meds and still be depressed at times, the meds can't fix everything, in those moments I had to fight harder cause in those moments you are willing to do anything to not feel the way you are feeling.

When I feel all lost and like I am drowning and breaking at the same time, I try and remember that in all things dark there is always light and in my darkness I try hard to find my light cause even just a little spark can take me a long way.