Anxiety set off by what?

So everything is going alright and then it hits you like a ton of bricks...by something as simple as a question.

Everything that is not "satisfactory" is now a problem. All of your frustrations just gang up on you like a team of torturous minions feeding you spoonful after spoonful of your own demise.

Bite after bite, swallow after swallow, breath after breath you become so intensely angry, frustrated or saddened by almost everything.

You try to remember what good you have in your life but for these few moments, nothing is good.

Sometimes they're moments, sometimes they are hours and for some, even days or weeks long!

Could you imagine the placement of the water bottle on the table could trigger everything from finances to lack of enthusiasm in someone else? Heaven forbid if there be another person around for this. Things can become ugly quickly all because you cannot control your racing thoughts of all that is or could go wrong. If someone else accidentally triggered you, you're bound to take a little, or a lot, out on them, the poor innocent soul they are. They didn't do this to you, it happened to you.

We all experience this type of thing:

The peeler left in the sink. The dish towel left in a pile on the counter versus folded neatly like you prefer. The sound that is made that reminds you of something unpleasant from your past by another person. The clothes on the floor beside the hamper. The light or television being left on with no-one in the room.

The toys on the floor after you'd just spent hours cleaning. The person driving slowly in front of you not knowing their lack of doing the speed limit is causing you to be late for something because they're just lollygagging around town. That person at the store in front of you who walks like a turtle when you have an obligation to uphold and they have no consideration of other people. The driver in the fast lane doing 10 under the limit causing multiple delays for many people.

The list is endless of things that can set someone off.

Someone like myself, with PTSD, that list is tremendous. It is miles long. It is days long. It's weeks, months, years …a lifetime long.

Living with it, is anything but easy.

Having someone love you no matter what outburst you may have…a blessing.

Disliking yourself for how you treat said person..an awful feeling.

Knowing you've hurt someone else because of things you literally cannot control… heartbreaking… especially when it's someone you care for, have love for, or love with all your heart when you're not breaking down.

I try to snap out of it but most of the time, I lose. I regret things I've said or done in whatever time frame. I feel awful about them and make up in different ways but I cannot seem to say sorry. Occasionally I have but it's rare. I used to say sorry for everything but somewhere down this rocky road I stopped apologizing for things that were uncontrollable. Half the time I forget what all happened. It's like a conscious blackout sometimes.

I'll dive into the stem of my personal PTSD down the line.

I literally burnt my thumb because the pot holder moved on my nonstick cookware and this came from it.

I crochet for therapy and others and this dampers my ability. If set me off to think of so many different things that aggravated me in one way shape or form and I was thinking, this is so relatable.

We all have things we prefer.

We all have things we dislike.

We all have something that reminds of something whether good or not.

It's how we react that matters.

It's how we react that makes the impact.

How I react sometimes, devastates me.

I get so disappointed because my heart has good intentions but this disorder has it's own agenda.

Treat others with kindness in your heart ; You don't know if you'll make their day because just a moment ago it had been falling apart.

Much love and hopes of happiness and all things good to you all.

I bid you adieu, until next time.