All social media is you compulsively lying about yourself

Let me get this clear before I mouth off. It’s not one of those pieces that asks you to delete your social media accounts. My opinion is that we all need to admit that the only reason we post is because we want to push a perception of ourselves to others. Socials are not an outlet to showcase the ‘real’ you. That’s a lie.

When I’ve said this opinion to others I get these three points:

1. “Yeh, there are face-tuned accounts, but what about all the accounts that show and normalise REAL people?”
2. “People can be themselves! They find their communities this way, the whole point is to show the niche thing you love and you also find people who do too”
3. “I do post to share with people, but mostly it’s nice to scroll back through to see things I’ve done or thought at that time.”

Here’s what I say to them.

1. It’s manufactured, reviewed and personality scrubbed

There are the obvious things we unite against. It’s seen all over r/InstagramReality about face-tuned photos and unrealistic expectations. We praise the people who show their stretch marks, talk about their hardships, call out others when they don’t meet a code of conduct that is constantly evolving.

Yet it is always a digestible reality, one where we know the comments (or what we want the comments to be) before we post. We write ‘this is what beauty REALLY looks like’ to the stretch marks, but does anyone feel they can say anything against that without becoming a villain? Can I just say I don’t like this about myself without hoping people will come and reassure me? No. Posting comes with the intent of how it will be received.

We praise people as courageous but the reality is when we most need help, we can be the most unlovable. Socials are when we want to see people emerge from the otherside, reaching enlightenment with a pithy description. There is no sensory experience, no strain or emotional turmoil that we need to deal with - how is this reality?

2. It’s who we want to become, not who we are

There’s a reason why brands want to be tagged in posts or choose ambassadors. They want to be associated with the person, a fast track to credentials.

We do the same as we tag people in memes, show the places we’ve been, how lit we got last night. We want a public reassurance of our community.

Even when we join a community, we are cruel to it. Something that someone spent hours on creating, we scroll through. We don’t give a ‘like’ because a sentence sounded slightly wrong. Unless these things are taken into private messages or groups, ultimately we always know it will be seen and that impacts on how we shape what we share.

Everyone is now an advertiser but they want to say they are an advocate.

3. Bullshit. If it was only for you, you could keep it as a gallery on your phone. So use that power.

Haven’t we all deleted things from our Facebook that embarrassed us, quietly untagged ourselves from Instagram posts, chosen from a mass of images what ones we wanted to really show ‘Road Trip 2020’.

As soon as you curate it out there, it’s marketing, even if to a select group of people. To avoid that truth, would mean not using the strength of social media.

It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Yes, even Greta Thunberg is a form of marketing - that doesn’t mean her message isn’t important or vital that we listen. She is not the only person behind her socials, her actions being seen and supported by brand powerhouse ‘We Don’t Have Time’. This is a persona which plays up the real parts of Greta, but above all is a brand. That is a good thing, we should not know her privately and have no right to.

There is good from this, no matter the motivation. The 2018 Trends in Giving Report found social media was the most inspiring communications tool for people to make charitable donations. It’s just that if you are spreading a ‘good’ message, you want it to be a reflection on you too.

Why do we knee jerk against this opinion?

The reason that this is unpopular is because we want to deny how desperately we want to be the person we portray. The one that gives, constantly holidays and chooses our angles.

A large part of loneliness from social media comes from the disconnect from ourselves, that we are not the people that we ultimately hope to be.

I don’t think the answer comes down to deleting everything and living a Bon Iver life in the wilderness. It’s more a reminder to be as proud about your secret shitty life as your social one.