AITA? No

Are people aware of this subreddit called AITA? It stands for “Am I The A-Hole?” I discovered this a few months ago and I am hooked on it. Basically what this is is a place for people to go online to tell some horrible story that happned to them, how they responded, and then ask if they were in the wrong for doing so. Then the community gives their answer and possibly some advice (which, to be honest, seems to be coming from a bunch of teens and young adults and, while well-intentioned seems to lack much in the way of wisdom, which becomes really obvious in those situations that aren't so cut and dry).

The answers are also in acronyms, like YTA (you're the a-hole); NTA (not the a-hole); NAH (no a-holes here), and my personal favorite, ESH (everyone sucks here).

The really good stories are the ones that have an update so that we all get to know how things turned out in the end.

There also seems to be a cottage industry of youtube channels that capitalize on this subreddit simply by reading some of these stories and curating a few of the answers. Some of these channels even give their own advice.

These channels are what I'm really hooked on and, quite frankly, it's gotten pretty bad. I'm still working from home, so I watch at least an hour of these things each morning, right up until 9; then I watch during my lunch hour; then again at 5 until my wife gets home a little after 6.

It's a little analogous to the stereotypical '50s housewife who used to enjoy her “stories” (soap operas) every afternoon. The sad thing, though, is, just like those old soap operas, there are a very limited number of storylines. They usually involve fights over inheritances, infidelity, unaccepting inlaws, dead beat dads, crappy neighbors, a few more.

The Disturbing Part

I wonder how many of these stories are actually true. A few will be very limited on details, and these I find very questionable. But the ones with all sorts of details like actual dialogue, or the looks on spouses faces when they are caught cheating, things like that, are either true or the writers are pretty damned good and really shouldn't be wasting their time here. They should be writing a novel!

But assuming they are true, the real problem is how beaten down so many of these people are. There are so many stories on there where no objective observor could possibly consider them an a-hole. But they have been brought so down by gaslighting, often from numerous loved ones, that these people don't seem to know up from down, right from wrong, anymore.

I really feel sorry for them.

And if anyone has read my other posts, they know I am completely estranged from my family. My parents are dead and I haven't talked to any sibling or cousin in years. I have no intention to, and quite frankly I wouldn't piss on them if they were on fire, as the saying goes.

As a result, when I read these stories, I am all for cutting off family members, letting cheating spouses rot on the street, grandparents die without seeing their grandkids again, whatever. I'm all about anger and refusing to apologize.

It even gets so bad I talk back to the TV sometimes, like a lunatic.

Some Examples

So I just took a little time off from writing this to go view a few videos and get some examples. It didn't take long.

1. The first story is about a young lady who's father abandoned her and her mother when she was a baby. Her mother remarried and then passed. So she is being raised by her stepfather and living with a stepbrother. Her maternal grandparents have given her money to pay for her college. So, of course, the stepdad and bro have decided it is only “fair” that she share that money with stepbrother. And they are gaslighting her so badly – with the help of aunts, uncles and cousins blowing up her phone - that she has had to turn to the internet for strangers to get her sense of right wright and wrong back.

2. Another case of a young lady abandoned by her dad when she was a baby. After years and years of her trying to reach out to him, all he did was blow her off. Well, now mom has passed and left her an inheritance. So who shows up? Dad. All ready to “help” her out and “reconnect”. First step? Put him on all of her bank accounts! Again, she is torn as to what to do, wanting to reconnect but terrified he will just take her money and screw. And she's worried she might actually be in the wrong for protecting herself from this scumbag!

3. A young lady whose sister stole her boyfriend and now that they are getting married, the whole family insists she is just bitter and threatening to cut her off if she refuses to attend. Again, extended family members are also attacking her and now she wonders if she shoiuld just suck it up and go.

Never Give In To The Monsters

It never ceases to amaze me the pretzel logic these monsters engage in to justify their horrible actions and to manipulate their victims. One of the common refrains I read is “family helps family”. This is usually when that family wants help and didn't apply in the past when they were screwing over family.

When things really came to a head in my family, it was when my evil, evil sister – a monster if I've ever met one – tried to get a friend of hers to shoot and kill my youngest brother. I intervened and basically saved his life. My mother for some odd reason decided that my brother and I had perpetrated some evil action against my sister! What that action was, I don't know. I never will know. She is dead and can't tell me, not that she'd be able to explain it.

She had made her decision years earlier when my sister attempted to ruin my wedding to take her side and that set a terrible precedent in which any time there was a disagreement between one of the boys and her, my mother would take her side. And there were plenty of disagreements considering my sister's goal in life was to kill or otherwise harm us all.

In the end, I even had to try to save my mother from her. Unfortunately for my mother, my sister had tricked her into signing over medical proxy to my sister and she essentially murdered my mother. There was nothing I could do, try as I might. My mother's last words to me were “I think Katie's trying to hurt me.”

As for my brother? That was only the first time I saved his life. The second was when he tried to kill himself, warned me on facebook, and I called around until I was able to get an ambulance to his door 3,000 miles away.

My reward for that one was for my brother to turn his back on me at a time when I needed him, and when I got mad, he stole my father's car just to make me have to pay money to get it back. (It's a long story, and not the point of this post.)

No Quarter

Family or not, if these stories on reddit are true, I feel horrible for these victims and it makes me sick they have been so manipulated that they question themselves. I truly wish them all the best. I hope they don't do something dumb and give in to any of these monsters.

As for me, I forgive nothing these days. My parents are dead and I will never ever lift a finger to help my brother or sister. And my behavior has made it very obvious to those around me that while I love them and will always have their back, if they ever screw me, we are enemies and they will be no better than my siblings in my eyes.

And I don't care one bit whether that makes me the a-hole or not.