Addiction Demands We Stay Negative

Addiction? What kind of addiction? Alcohol? Drugs? Food? Shopping? Spending? Relationship? Sex? Gambling? Plants? Wait, plants? Obsession and compulsion. Yes. I don’t want to get into any of that. Negativity is not the way to go. Staying positive is the best for me.

Some say, wait, not all of those things mentioned are addiction, right? Not for me to say. I just know that people can have issues with all of those and more and it looks like an obsession and compulsion for most of them.

Yes, even plants. 200 plants, that took much of Saturday to care for without exception. Obsessed, and compulsion, yes! Same kinds of powerlessness? Not. Plants can cause family and money and a few other problems. Just an example of switching focus to plants. Can be many other switches.

Work on me. I am powerless over the addiction. Some have a problem with that. Are we really powerless? Is it really something a woman or man has to say to get well? We are already powerless over so much I hear. Our lives are unmanageable. Okay, I get that. Mine, maybe? I don’t think so! And even if it is, his/theirs is so much worse.

He/they is/are the one with the problem!

The court, child protection involved, jail, fines, family trouble, marriage problems, kids mad, friends mad, losing jobs, vehicles, accidents. Too thin, killing myself, too much weight, killing myself, no money, selling everything, losing everything, conning, stealing, lying. All of this or some of this and more. Yes more!

What does it take to stay positive? Gratitude list? Smile more? Therapy? Have a sponsor? Go to support groups? What else? Is it as simple as putting the plug in the jug, reading the big book, and going to meetings? Sometimes! Twelve-step programs are considered spiritual programs.

It works for me! Religion is sometimes the answer. That has worked for my brother and his wife, and uncles, who became ministers. And sober friends, some started with the twelve steps. Then, there is the Native American culture that has sobered up many of our Native American people.

Is that all? No, there are combinations of the above!

I used to only live in the past or future. Imagine that. Never in the present or today. That was awful! Negative and in the past. Blaming! I have had people tell me that they don’t have a problem with drugs or alcohol and all I must do is listen to them for a while. The talk tells me the story. Then there are the actions.

What did that look like? Always thinking that because this happened yesterday or last week or even last year, then it will happen tomorrow. I wasn’t aware of how I was thinking. Could I have been stuck there for so long?

Then another thing was thinking that doing the same thing over again would result in a different outcome. I learned that is the definition of insanity. Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. I believed that as do most others that are caught up in loving an addict and/or addiction.

I can tell when I need a meeting, as I start to take another’s inventory. Most often the people closest to me. In truth, I would rather take their inventory than my own. And I need to focus on myself and not others. I learned I can’t do anything to change another. I can change myself.

The other way I know I need a meeting is that my language gets more colorful. Yes, I swear way more often. It is noticeable as I go from rarely to almost all of the time. Is swearing negative. Yes, for me it is!

Is taking others’ inventory negative, yes, it is for me! I am not looking at all their good qualities after all. I lose my humility! When living in humility, I look at others as being equal to me with all the human frailties that we all have.

Some people call it being out of the box with others. I listened to a book on tape on this subject and I see the similarities. It makes me a better human being, a better wife, mother, sister, friend, and supervisor to live this way.

So, my job is to stay positive, live in the moment, and practice humility with others and myself. I will learn more about living outside of the box as life is so much better when I can do that even some of the time. And full-time is probably not easy but I believe it is possible.

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First published on Medium