Abuse

When I was 22, I had a baby and married some monster who wasn’t my sons father. It was the biggest mistake of my life.

First, it started out him controlling me. Telling me who I can and can’t be friends with. How much I could see my parents. When I took showers. He even had to watch me shower and make sure the bathroom door was open. He listened to my phone calls. Every day when he worked, he would come home and make sure I was there. I didn’t work so I was a stay at home mom.

The abuse got worse, and it turned verbal. Calling me names, yelling and screaming at me. If I did something wrong, it was like the world was ending. He would fight about everything, and wanted to be right all of the time. He would scream at me in public, and start taunting me.

One night, things took a turn. One of his xs had keys to our apartment. Which was the apartment he first had before marrying me. I had asked him to change the locks on the door. He grew violent and beat the crap out of me. When I was on the floor and week, he dragged me into our bedroom where he beat me up and gave me welts on my arm. He forced me to do sexual things in which I at the time didn’t want to. As I fought back and screamed and cried, the violence got worse. The more I fought back, the worse he beat on me. I grew numb.

The next days as the day I grew strong and I knew I had to leave him, but stay safe for my son and I. I had asked him to vacuum and he grew into a rage. I grabbed my cellphone, grabbed my son and we hide in the bathroom where I called my parents. They called the cops. Cops showed us and they called it a martial domestic dispute. If I wanted him arrested they would have to arrest me as well. Obviously I wasn’t going to, since I didn’t do anything wrong and I defended myself. There weren’t any domestic laws. Nothing to protect the victims.

The following day my parents took me to court and we filed an order of protection. Basically it’s a piece of paper saying someone can’t contact you. Does it work? Most of the time no. He started stalking me at my job. I had to quit and stay home. He would show up at my job, and wait in the parking lot. He would drive past my house, shouting disgusting names. We had a mutual friend and her and I met up with one of my friends. Well surprise surprise she had him there. It was a set up. He tried to apologize and begged. I said no. He went to go put his hands on me and I pushed him away. I told my friend to call the police. When they got there I was so frightened I couldn’t move. My soon to be x husband told them I’m crazy and he has an order of protection against me. He loved to twist words and play victim. Of course they didn’t do anything and they ledt. Beleaving his lies.

My x husband violated the order of protection over 100 times. He would threaten my mom and I. I even videotaped it. In his voice “I’m going to kill you”. The police didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t have bruises. I begged and pleaded and said I’m in fear of my sons life and mine. After multiple voicemails and police calls, they finally arrested him. He got two days in jail. Thats the punishment he got for threatening to hurt me, which means my son as well. I’ll never fully understand why it happened. Most say abuse is power.

Abusers love power and control. They pray on the weak. Playing victim is their game. They torture you with their words. You’re constantly flinching, watching who’s around you. In the end, we grow stronger each and every day.