A Jump Through Time.
The world after addiction can be a strange place.
What is this strange world? It is so familiar yet so foreign. It's as though things have sped up and people are living their lives faster and more openly. It is not a major change but enough to feel different. It feels as if I have taken a short trip to the future.
A little context. Back in 2011, I got into drugs. I wish I hadn't, but I did. When you are addicted to something like opiates, they consume your world. You spend all your time either using or finding ways to get money to use. The rest of the world turn and moves on, while you are stuck in this wormhole of anxiety, sickness and pain.
You do not pay attention to the small stuff or even the bigger stuff that happens around you. Sure, you may notice it, but it doesn't stick(not unless it is somehow involved in the drug) and your only focus is the drug. Emotionally you may still feel, but those feelings are usually buried down deep so they don't interfere with your habit.
The end of last year, I got clean and have stayed clean. Over the last few months, I have noticed things and feelings that I hadn't in almost a decade. My best friend of 20 years passed away last year from an accidental Fentanyl overdose. At the time, it hurt, but it just got buried down with the rest. As soon as I was away from the drugs and was going through withdrawals, it sunk in. It was as if I was realizing he is really gone for the first time. I was in bed for days.
Ten years may not seem like very long for the world around you to change too noticeably. But I have noticed it. 10 years ago, smart phones were still getting going. Everyone had them, but they didn't live on them the way most do these days. Look around now and people are driving with them in their hands, walking blindly into streets looking at them and even being killed taking a selfie. Most children are glued to a tablet or phone screen.
It also seems as though the divide between people in the US has become wider. With the latest string of political mishaps, our country is divided like I have never seen. I have noticed more racism and blind hatred between strangers and it sucks. I was 11 when 9/11 happened. I saw what the country could do when we put aside all the petty things and come together, even thought it was around a tragedy.
Okay, so is it like time travel? Perhaps not. But in a lot of ways it feels that way. The sense of lost time, the small cultural changes and just the over all vibe of everything just feels different from the last time I was clean.
What I am getting at is, my addiction caused me to be so focused on my habit that I wasn't paying attention to things going on in the real world and now that I am clean, it feels as though I am missing 10 years. My 20's are gone and wasted and I feel like I am starting my my sobriety in a world different from when I left it. Just another struggle to overcome for my sobriety.
Live your life, take a look around and talk to people. Once time is lost, there is no getting it back. Appreciate the small stuff and make sure to stop and notice the world around you. It doesn't take very long for it to change.
About the Creator
Andrew Donaldson
New to writing. Just wanting to type.
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