A day in the Life of a Borderline
The Journey of a Disorder Not a Life Sentence
Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD)
Do you know what it is? Do you have the same diagnosis? Do you know someone who lives with this condition?
This is a condition I have lived with for many, many years. When I was younger, I thought it meant my life would never be good. Boy, how was I ever so wrong?! It is not a life sentence. It is not all bad! BPD is characterized, according to National Education Alliance for Borderline Personality Disorder but unstable moods, behaviors, and relationships. It sounds pretty scary, doesn't it?
Now, let me tell you what BPD is for me. Unedited. Real. Good and Bad. Are you ready?
BPD is loving so deeply that you feel like you heart is going to explode. It is feeling other peoples pain, even if you don't know them personally. Its being so happy one minute and crying the next because your patient didn't answer their phone for their session. Its looking at someone and loving them so immensely and then getting into an argument and feeling like it is the end of the world! Borderlines can be all over the place. We can be selfish and needy and we have a serious issue with abandonment.
We get so far inside of our own head that we cause issues that aren't really there. This one... this one really had a negative impact on relationships. Been there and done that... and so thankful that my man stands beside me and deals with me on days that I even know I am being crazy. But, we are not crazy at all. We have a hormonal imbalance it is likely that we have endure some form of childhood trauma that has caused these issues and disorder to manifest. It could be caused by a large range of things.
Now, listen... there are bad that comes with this diagnosis. However, I spent YEARS allowing it to define and control me. I lost many friends and really strained familial relationships because of it. But, I finally underwent some therapy, learned about Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I learned how to work through issues, to communicate, and to cope. Granted, it doesn't always work and sometimes I epically fail to use these skills. But, with practice, using these skills makes a huge impact on every area of life. It is hard. It is tedious and you have to be brutally honest with yourself. And I say that out of love because... we Borderlines have some of our own toxic traits..... yes... you read that right. But.... the good thing is.......
With help, with knowledge, hard work and persistence...
life can be B-E-A-U-T-I-F-U-L.
I say this because I know it is true! With learning these skills I have no been able to maintain an amazing relationship; I am happier than I have EVER been! I have mended broken relationships with friends and family. I have cut ties with toxic situations and improved on epic levels. Was it easy? HELL NO! But I am sooooo proud of who I have become and the mother, friend, and professional I am. I am lucky enough to work in the mental health field. I get to use my knowledge, my eduction, life experiences, and skill set to HELP OTHERS learn how to live their best life! I never, ever would have been able to do this even 5 years ago. Look at me now!
If I can do it... you can to. You just have to be willing to put in the work.
I am Borderline...
My life is beautiful. It is fulfilling and chaotic and I love extremely hard and I have my moments of crazy. But, without BPD I would not be the person I am today. And I am PROUD of who I have become. But it is still a work in progress and I will always have to work hard to keep myself in check. But, I will never regret that I have this disorder. It does not define me.... it is not a life sentence... my Life is more amazing because of it.
I am Borderline and I am embrace it.
Sincerely,
Jess
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