4 Reasons Why You Feel So Alone

You might have heard or read this phrase somewhere before. We say it to comfort or shoulder someone else’s pain, to relieve that suffocating feeling of heartache and isolation.

When you’re picking up the pieces after a breakup or dealing with the loss of a loved one, you may feel like you’ve fallen into a dark hole with no way out. Loneliness can consume your entire life if you let it. It can overshadow your work, cloud your goals, and leave you feeling aimless.

It can rob you of the joy you’d get from fun things like your passions and hobbies. But the truth is, you’re not alone in feeling lonely. Loneliness is a universal problem. It can affect people of any gender, age, or status.

You can’t buy a cure, nor can you pretend it doesn’t exist. Like depression or anxiety, feeling lonely is something you can’t control. In fact, loneliness is so powerful that it can cause you physical pain. It can make your muscles ache, tie your stomach in knots, and ruin your sleep. It’s even one of the leading contributors to chronic diseases like Alzheimer’s and heart disease.

My point is, loneliness is a real and overwhelming problem that many people struggle with every day. But you’re not doomed to sit in this dark hole for the rest of your life. There’s a way out. You can slowly but surely take control of your life.

The first step is to identify why you’re there. Why do you feel lonely? What’s been keeping you down for so long? To help you face and overcome this paralyzing feeling, here are four reasons why you might feel alone in the world.

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Reason #1: Unstable Friendships

Friendships are one of the most common triggers of loneliness. Yeah, I know—it sounds strange to say that spending time with other people makes you lonely, but it’s true.

Most people try to define loneliness as the absence of friends. They think that having friends means they can never feel lonely. Of course, that isn’t the case. Isolation is when you don’t have friends; loneliness is when you aren’t forming personal connections.

You might know hundreds of people but fail to truly bond with any of them. You try and try to be social, yet no one understands you. You end up feeling empty and unhappy because none of your relationships go any deeper than small talk.

So, what’s the problem? Many people approach this issue the wrong way. When combating loneliness, quality matters way more than quantity. You might feel lonely because your friendships are weak and unstable. Either you haven’t put the time into building them, or you’ve just chosen the wrong people.

Everyone needs stable friendships. They make us feel heard, appreciated, and valued. While you should eventually find these characteristics within yourself, you have to start somewhere.

If you’re feeling lonely, take an honest look at the quality of your friendships. Stable friends respect each other, provide support, and build each other up. They give space and understand that you’re your own person. Unstable friends, on the other hand, ignore and criticize you. They don’t value your time and effort as much as theirs.

If you find yourself in an unstable friendship, set yourself free. Some people hide behind toxic friends because they’re worried they’ll never meet anyone else. They already feel lonely, so they think cutting ties would make things worse.

Not at all. Give yourself the chance to find friends who understand and appreciate you. There are cruel and self-absorbed people in the world, but there are just as many who are kind and considerate.

In your friendships, you should get what you give. Whenever that’s not happening, don’t be afraid to see what else is out there.

Reason #2: You’re an Ambivert

Loneliness isn’t always triggered by the people in your life. Sometimes, that emptiness is a product of who you are.

When we think about personality types, we tend to place people into one of two categories: introverts and extroverts. Despite how diverse our personalities can be, we often treat this as a yes-or-no question.

Are you an introvert? No? Then you must be an extrovert, right?

The truth is, introversion and extraversion function more like a spectrum. If introversion sits at the far left and extraversion sits at the far right, 99% of people actually fall somewhere in between.

In other words, almost no one is 100% introvert or 100% extrovert. Even the most outgoing social butterflies enjoy some time to themselves, while lone wolves occasionally like having company.

Since everyone has a little of both, most people are hybrids called ambiverts. While we often use this term to describe someone who’s a 50/50 split, in reality, most humans are ambiverts because our personalities are not defined by one set of characteristics.

Your mood, mental health, and environment can all drastically affect how you behave and see yourself. To make things more complicated, your personality changes over time.

So, what does this have to do with loneliness? Many people mischaracterize themselves, getting hung up on one of these labels.

Let’s say you’re quiet, find social interactions draining, and prefer to work alone. Sounds like you’re an introvert, right? You might isolate yourself, thinking it’s good for you, but you’re neglecting the little extrovert inside you.

Reason #3. Perfectionism

Some of the loneliest people spend their lives chasing perfection. They claim they just like to do things the right way, but deep down, social perfectionists are often driven by fear. They’re afraid of rejection, failure, or making mistakes, so they avoid taking risks altogether.

For instance, a perfectionist might refuse to meet new people unless the "perfect" person comes along. However, by doing so, they never learn how to build relationships or navigate vulnerability. Life is full of trial and error—you need to experience both successes and failures to grow.

The irony is that perfectionists don’t fail enough to succeed. They avoid situations where they might mess up, thinking they’re protecting themselves from pain. But in reality, they’re depriving themselves of meaningful experiences and connections.

Regret often accompanies loneliness for perfectionists. Years later, they may look back and feel sorrow for the chances they didn’t take—the relationships they didn’t pursue or the opportunities they let slip by. While mistakes often become funny stories or valuable lessons, missed opportunities can leave a lingering sense of "what if" for years to come.

If you find yourself stuck in this pattern, remind yourself that perfection isn’t the goal. Building relationships is messy and imperfect, but that’s what makes it meaningful. Take small risks. Be willing to fail. Those "imperfect" moments could lead to some of the most rewarding relationships in your life.

Reason #4. High Expectations

When meeting someone new, what do you expect from them? Do you anticipate them being hilarious, fascinating, or overflowing with charm? Or do you simply hope for kindness and a bit of fun?

Sometimes, loneliness stems from having unrealistically high expectations—ones you impose on others or even yourself. These expectations can become mental obstacles, making it difficult to connect with people and fill that void in your life.

More often than not, these expectations aren’t mutual. Just as you don’t expect extraordinary things from others, they don’t expect perfection from you. This misunderstanding can make you feel unworthy or like you need to prove yourself to earn their friendship.

But the truth is, you don’t have to. Strangers are just like you—flawed, human, and often hoping for someone to accept them as they are. Instead of aiming to impress, focus on being open, happy, and respectful. These qualities are enough to foster meaningful relationships.

Imaginary expectations don’t just block potential friendships; they can also erode your self-esteem. To combat this, challenge those unspoken rules you’ve set for yourself. Let go of the pressure to be perfect or to expect perfection from others. Genuine friendships thrive on authenticity, not grandeur.

Conclusion

Loneliness is a universal challenge, but it’s not insurmountable. Whether it’s unstable friendships, personality habits, perfectionism, or high expectations holding you back, there’s always a way forward.

Take time to reflect on the root causes of your feelings. Be honest with yourself about what’s working and what isn’t. Invest in quality relationships, embrace imperfection, and adjust your expectations to focus on what truly matters—connection, kindness, and understanding.

Remember, you’re not alone in feeling lonely, and you don’t have to stay in that dark place forever. Take small steps toward change, and you’ll discover a world filled with potential friends and meaningful moments.

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