What comes next?

Sometimes, there are things about being trans that nobody really tells you. It's not how hard getting misgendered is, or how much you might hate the sound of your old name. It simply can be a-- what happens next type of thing. You come out and it goes great, but you don't quite know what happens next.

I came out to my parents just last October as trans, they respect my name, they're constantly getting better about my pronouns. But nothing more has ever come from it. I love hearing them refer to me as their boy now. About how they have three sons! But, I have yet to start hormones, or even the process of getting hormones, and I don't know how. I don't even know how to bring it up to them. Yes I'm a legal adult, but I'm financially dependent on them, how can I just say "Hey can we get me started on something that'll let me poke myself with man juice every so often?"

Okay maybe I wouldn't call it man juice, that sounded way worse than I inteneded. But the overall idea of my point still stands. I just don't know what comes next. It always feels like for everyone else, and for the few movies that show a trans man, that they go straight from coming out to the doctors to start hormones and then magically, they're the gender they were always supposed to be as if nothing ever happened.

How do I get that? I want to hear my voice crack like I'm 12, and to feel all weird because I'm going through a second puberty, but this time, at least it'd be a puberty I'd want to have, instead of one that left me hating my body and everything about it.

So it's not that I hate my body- I see a lot of issues with it that it'd rather have different, but I know it could be better. I know I could love it more if I were on hormones. But I also recognize, this is my own journey, it's different for everyone. I feel like I should just be patient, but sometimes it's hard to be patient.

Also has nobody noticed the lack of ftm rep in media? That's been bothering me so much... I'll hear a show has trans rep in it, and while yes all trans rep (when done well) is amazing to have! I wanna see more of my trans guys in media.

And maybe that's why I don't know what's supposed to happen next, I've never been able to see it before. I've never seen it in the mainstream media before. And this is why I like to write stories about trans guys, there needs to be more of them. We need to be seen as who we are. We deserve to have our stories put out there just as much as some cisgender person does.

Just like how you used to never see any LGBTQIA rep at all in anything! Now we're actually getting a bunch, most things nowadays has some type of queer rep! But none of it is trans guys, but it's our turn next!

My name is Darryn. I'm trans and use he/they pronouns. I'm not on T, and I wear binders nearly on the daily. And I have no idea how to properly start my transition. And while some days it sucks, it also is the journey I've been put on. And I wouldn't have it any other way. Being trans is beautiful, no matter what anyone says! And it's taught me a lot, and made me appreciate the guy I'm becoming even more