The Journey to Loving My True Self

I used to believe that loving yourself meant looking in the mirror and liking what you saw. That it was about confidence, or smiling more, or checking off every box on some invisible list of who you were supposed to be. But that version of self-love felt distant to me—like it belonged to someone stronger, someone more together, someone... not me.

This is the story of how I finally understood what it really means to love your true self—not the curated one, not the performative one, but the real, raw, quiet version that lives underneath the noise.

Living a Life Built on Approval

For most of my early life, I was a people-pleaser. I chased approval like it was air. I shaped myself into whoever others needed me to be: the dependable friend, the high-achieving student, the polite daughter, the ideal partner. I didn’t know I was doing it. I thought it was just being a good person.

But slowly, the weight of pretending started to suffocate me. I would say yes when I meant no. I would smile through discomfort. I would silence myself to avoid conflict. And all the while, I was drifting further away from myself.

There were moments when I’d catch a glimpse of the real me—late at night, when no one was watching, or in fleeting moments of solitude. But I didn’t trust her. I didn’t even know her. I had built a life around who I thought I was supposed to be. And that life began to feel like a cage.

The Wake-Up Call

I don’t remember the exact moment it all cracked open, but I remember the season.

I was exhausted. Not just physically, but emotionally and spiritually. I had said yes to too much, stayed in situations that didn’t serve me, and ignored every whisper from my gut.

One evening, after yet another long day of keeping it all together, I came home, closed the door behind me, and just… sat. The silence felt louder than ever. I realized I didn’t know how to be with myself without distractions.

And that scared me.

It was then I asked the question I’d avoided for years:

Who am I when I’m not trying to be liked?

Unlearning and Relearning

The journey to loving my true self didn’t happen overnight. It came in small, messy, powerful steps.

First, I had to unlearn.

I had to let go of the belief that worth is something you earn. I had to stop defining myself by how productive I was, how many people needed me, or how perfect I could appear.

I started spending time alone—not in isolation, but in connection with myself. I journaled, I took long walks without music, I noticed my thoughts without judgment. For the first time, I started listening to myself.

I cried—a lot. I let the old versions of me mourn. The ones who tried so hard to be enough, who wore masks to stay safe, who just wanted to belong. And I told them, you were doing your best.

Finding the Real Me Beneath the Layers

As I peeled back the layers, I started finding pieces of myself I had long forgotten:

My sense of humor, which had been buried under constant seriousness.

My creativity, which I hadn’t trusted in years.

My voice, which trembled at first, but grew stronger the more I used it.

And I discovered that loving myself didn’t mean thinking I was perfect. It meant being okay with my imperfections. It meant sitting with my anxiety without shame. It meant forgiving myself for not knowing better back then. It meant choosing compassion over criticism.

I started setting boundaries—not to push people away, but to protect the parts of me that I was finally starting to honor. I started saying no, and discovered that the world didn’t fall apart when I did. In fact, I felt more whole.

Moments of True Connection

Loving my true self also changed how I connected with others.

I began showing up more authentically. I stopped pretending to be okay when I wasn’t. I allowed myself to be seen—not just in my strength, but in my softness, my confusion, my becoming.

Some relationships deepened. Others faded. But what stayed was a sense of peace in knowing that I was no longer performing. I was living as me.

And that was enough.

The Ongoing Journey

I won’t pretend it’s always easy. Some days, I still hear the old voices: Be better. Try harder. Don’t let them see the cracks.

But now, I know how to gently quiet those voices.

I remind myself: I am allowed to be a work in progress.

I remind myself: My worth is not up for debate.

I remind myself: Loving myself isn’t a destination—it’s a daily choice.

And with each choice, I grow deeper into who I am. Not who I was told to be. Not who others expect me to be. But me.

Final Thoughts: What I’ve Learned

If you’re on your own journey of self-love, please know this:

You don’t have to wait until you’re “better” to love yourself.

You don’t have to earn rest, joy, or peace.

You are allowed to change your mind, start over, and choose yourself.

Loving your true self is not a one-time event.

It’s a practice. A relationship. A home you come back to again and again.

And every time you choose yourself, you grow stronger, braver, and more free.

✨ Moral / Life Lesson:

The most powerful relationship you will ever have is the one you build with yourself.

Loving your true self means letting go of perfection and embracing who you are—right now, in this moment, with all your beauty and all your flaws.

It’s not selfish. It’s not easy. But it’s always worth it.

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Thank you for reading...

Regards: Fazal Hadi