the day i stopped apologizing for taking up space

sorry

was the first word

out of my mouth

every morning

sorry for being here

sorry for breathing too loud

sorry for needing the bathroom

sorry for existing

in a body

that didn't match

what they expected

i made myself smaller

hunched shoulders

quiet voice

quick steps

through hallways

head down

don't look

don't be seen

don't take up

any more room

than absolutely necessary

because somehow

i learned

that my presence

was an apology

waiting to happen

the therapist asked me

why do you say sorry

when someone bumps into you?

i didn't have an answer

just muscle memory

of a lifetime

spent believing

i was the problem

in every room

i entered

but then

one tuesday morning

running late for work

coffee in hand

someone stepped on my foot

in the subway

and waited

for my automatic

sorry

it didn't come

instead

i looked them

in the eye

and said

excuse me

two words

that changed

everything

because suddenly

i realized

i have a right

to this space

this seat

this air

this moment

of existing

without explanation

without apology

without making myself

disappear

to make others

comfortable

my therapist smiled

when i told her

about the subway

she said

you're learning

that you belong

here

not as a guest

not as an afterthought

not as someone

who should be grateful

for tolerance

but as a person

who has every right

to be

exactly where you are

exactly as you are

now when i walk

into rooms

i don't shrink

when i speak

i don't whisper

when i need something

i ask for it

clearly

directly

without seventeen

qualifiers

and apologies

the world didn't end

when i stopped

saying sorry

for breathing

in fact

it got bigger

more spacious

more mine

i take up space

with my laugh

with my opinions

with my body

with my love

with my story

with my right

to be here

and the beautiful thing

about claiming space

is that it doesn't

take away

from anyone else

it just reminds them

they can claim

theirs too

so here i am

unapologetic

about the room

i require

to be myself

the sound

i make

when i exist

the way

i love

the space

between my thoughts

and my words

where i live

now

without saying

sorry

for any of it

this is me

taking up space

this is me

refusing to shrink

this is me

belonging

here

finally