PROUD not LOUD

In my opinion, "disgusting" is a strong ass word to use. It's not an adjective for the weak. Disgust is not an emotion to be taken lightly. In so many words, I once said that a man who hides himself reeks of dishonor—and I meant that.

Nonetheless, I also happen to be a man who holds myself to a standard of practicing empathy just as well as I practice strength. As much as I love to be a straight shooter, I must say that showering the world in shame is small-minded behavior. I would hate for the lines to be blurred when it comes to who and what is considered phony, so I'm happy for an opportunity to revisit this topic.

Is it a TWO WAY flight?

I'm gonna' tell you about a dream I had which honestly felt like God had whispered a secret in my ear. It's the perfect way to help define and strengthen my position on the spectrum of understanding when it comes to being true to one's self. (I'm not giving real names though.)

So boom! Me and my favorite group of Latino influencers were traveling by plane to God-knows-where. I'm walking through the airport and happen to see something out of the ordinary: One of the members of the group (we'll call him Fernando) was doing the nasty right in the middle of the lobby!

Not only is he having sex in public, but he's doing it with a MAN. I'm talking drawers below his cheeks, with a white guy in reverse cowgirl, humping like his life depends on it! It caught me off guard, but I let him do his thing.

Eventually I reach a whole different area, and I find a seat next to one of the other homeboys. (We'll call him Alfredo.) With a grin of amusement, I gave Alfredo the scoop. "I just saw Fernando having sex with a whole dude."

Alfredo barely reacts. "Oh, you saw," he replies. There's not even a sliver of shock in his voice—not even a teaspoon of surprise. Seeing that this kind of news isn't unfamiliar to him, I gave it to him straight.

"To be honest, a lot of the dudes in your group give me...bisexual vibes," I confessed and planted comfortably in a bean bag by Alfredo's feet. Focused on rolling a blunt, he softly answers "yeah", then playfully covers his mouth as if he'd said it by accident. We laughed about it.

Once Alfredo feels like we're on the same page, he elaborates and says something very important. "We don't say all that online though," he starts. "It just saves from confusion with like...the fans and stuff." He didn't have to say another word. I knew EXACTLY what he meant.

Keep in mind that this group of influencers is one I subscribe to in real life, and my confession in the dream is a real-life inner thought. Nonetheless, it's just an intuitive observation and has nothing to do with my reasons for watching.

Truly, these men love women and have long relationships with the girls in their lives. They party, they celebrate their culture, they celebrate being dads, and they've never said a thing about liking the same sex. Nothing about their image or their content is "LGBT." However, that could easily change if they said too much in the wrong time or place—even if it's not what they intended.

Can't Sell Yourself Short

Let's dissect what Alfredo means when he says "saves from confusion." What good would it do these men to make any formal statements about sexuality to their audience? What good would it do them to wear labels? Probably none. It might only be an invitation to things that are not in alignment with their brand. Better yet, not in alignment with their personalities.

It might make the wrong people feel empowered to do things they shouldn't. They would go from girls wanting a picture with them—to grown men trying to shake ass on them for a video. They might even go to a podcast and get asked strange questions that don't at all apply to their lifestyles. They would be getting invitations to places they don't fit in whatsoever.

Talk about IRONIC. Imagine sharing one little fun detail about yourself only to be rewarded with one hundred things that are unlike you at all. That's why it's so important to be aware of the message you send. It's one thing to be transparent, it's another thing to trademark yourself altogether. Sometimes discretion is a discipline of the visionary; A practice of a mindful individual. You can't always measure a person's realness by how much they're willing to discuss with a person or people.

So then what is living in secret?

When I think of the word "fraud", it's less of a shot to a person and more of a signal about their intentions. A phony man is the one who actively pretends and actively misleads; It is more about perpetuating false impressions than it is about the simple of act of concealing.

The number one problem I have with a phony person, especially the male kind, is that they cause lines to be extremely blurred; Phony individuals cause the people they mimic to be misrepresented, and can also devalue the credibility of entire groups. All it takes is one convincing cop to come out as crooked, then before you know it, all the troops are looking funny. You can't tell who is who! Even the one's with the best intentions are being looked at sideways because of the actions of those who have posed as them.

This is where my disgust comes from. The disgust of seeing someone shoulder to shoulder with members they've deceived; The disgust of seeing a man fraternize under a disguise; The frustration of having to wonder what he intends by slithering into certain ranks unauthorized; The cringy feeling of not wanting to be in his place, fretting with fear of being found out. More importantly, the cringe that comes from seeing right through such a masquerade.

Speaking of visionary, I'm a firm believer of building on truth, so by no means do I even want to condone "concealment". However, some empathy can be exercised when it comes to the art of divulging carefully.

A suspicious OPPservation

The ideas I'm expressing in this text go far beyond the realm of sexuality, but while we're at it, I may as well articulate a funny thing that I happened to notice. As cool as it is to see society moving to a space of acknowledging gay people and gay stuff with an opened-mind, it's funny how even what appears to be "acceptance" can exist for selfish reason.

In both my personal and work life, I've crossed paths with many a man who seems to compare his life to mine. Any time I take a stand, any time I'm looking my best, any time I solve a problem, any time my accomplishments are the focus, these dudes are tweaking with frustration! I've been lied on, I've been stolen from, and I've been invited to countless unnecessary fights. In other words, it's safe to identify them as jealous spirited characters.

But here's what's odd: A lot of viciously jealous men I've met are everything EXCEPT homophobic. In fact, many of them will say it from a rooftop. I think we've all met a man like this before. Ya' know, the guy that be like, "Gay dudes funny as fuck!", "That shit don't bother me!", "Just be yo' self!" Be yo self. Be yo self. Be yo self.

I'm sorry, but I was gonna' sniff out the bullshit sooner or later. As cool as it is to see a man celebrating others, I can't help but to dig a little bit deeper when it comes to the one who has a bucketload of other character flaws; The one who has failed to applaud other men on numerous past occasions.

Some men don't like gay people, they simply like the absence of competition. If the guy in the room with more muscles, more money, and more handsome features just so happens to even SEEM gay, then his enemies will create a safe place for him to be a feminine character; A kind of character that women won't check for and men won't feel threatened by.

But let's say it's not about a specific man. Let's say many of the guys in a certain space are gay and over the top. To a mediocre man, this is a safe place, because he gets to be "the man." He is more at peace around gay people, because it beats being around a bunch of dudes who outclass him as a male. If any of those gay guys happens to show him up in anything, he will make their homosexuality the topic as redemption.

Don't get me wrong—ANY reason to be open to people who are different from you is a damn good reason, so I would hate for the tone of this text to sound like complaining. However, acceptance should come from a place of fairness and understanding, NOT from a place of comparison. You should love your fat friends because you're body positive, not because you like being the skinniest girl in the club.

It's important to be wary of those kinds, because they are exactly the type of person that would encourage you to make an unflattering introduction of yourself. You don't need acceptance as much as you need respect.

When it comes to judging the authenticity of others, we have to be mindful that we don't know the conversations they have with themselves and with outsiders. I will always advocate for living without hiding, for it is what gives you the strength to hold your head up and face the world. In the meantime, we'll ONLY save a seat at the table for those waiting on the right words and the right moments. Besides, those who are dedicated to a life of deceiving have already begun starving themselves.