My Ideal Man

This is a great story, Wesley. Don't ever give up. I'm bisexual. I lived with a woman for 20+ years. We never married or had kids together. She had her tubes tied before I met her. One night in 2019, after she suffered an extended illness, I came home after work and found her dead. Two months later, I met the man of my dreams. I'm white. He's black. He's 27-years younger than me. When we met, I was 59. Now I'm 64 and he's 37. The moment I saw his smile, I fell in love (after we met for what we thought would be a casual Grindr hookup.) It was roughly at exactly that same time that I started suffering epileptic seizures. Neither of us knew at the time, but I'm also bipolar with horrible mood swings. I was told by doctors to never drive again, never drink again, never work again. But now, after a five-year battle with the Social Security Administration, I am still trying to get disability. I'm Bill. He's Demetrious. I asked him to marry me. He accepted. The night I proposed was perhaps the happiness night of my life... but it ended with me having a seizure. I drank champagne that night. When I have seizures, I remember nothing about them. Our relationship has been very rocky. I have no friends, no family. I didn't want my house to go to the state if I died. So I put Demetrious's name on the deed. He broke our engagement after a terrible fight, throwing the engagement ring in the trash. It broke my heart. But we still live together, because we co-own this house. I don't want to write too long. (I could) But I'll tell you something else about myself... I'm a geek. I have probably a thousand comic books in this house. I was very shy when I was young. I have changed a lot over the decades, in so many ways. I was always attracted to blondes-- both women and men. I love twinks. I thought I'd marry a blond woman, and we'd have blond kids. (I'm blond.) I never felt like I was in 'hiding' by wanting a conventional lifestyle, and a family. But I never professed openly I was bisexual until I fell in love with Demetrious. When I was younger, I was never attracted to black people. Not at all! And like you, I wasn't attracted to fat men. Demetrious changed my entire paradigm. I now am very attracted to black men... and to men others would consider "obese." I love holding De's big belly. I never would have thought that possible! Sometimes, people's tastes change over the years. Never Say Never. People are like fine wine-- as they age, they change (in my opinion.) HE has changed too, because of me. I still want him. At times, when his guard comes down (especially when he's drunk), he shows how attracted he is to me/"daddy." But then the next day, the walls go right back up. He's consciously made the decision that I'm not right for him. That's because of my mood swings, my anger, and how my memory is destroyed by my seizures. I consider him the Great Love of My Life... ... and I didn't meet him until I was 59. People evolve over time. And I personally believe that the 'right person' comes into your life at exactly the RIGHT TIME. De and I are bound together still because we co-own this house. And I have no clue what our future will be. But just in the last few months, we have been closer than we were for two years. I got five minutes of snuggles just last night, for the first time in two years. Be authentic to yourself. The right person will see you, know you, and allow you to be the person you are. When we try to mold ourselves for the sake of someone else, it doesn't work. We shouldn't worry about other's opinions, as hard as that is! Happiness comes from within, not through another person. And when we learn that, it brings unimagined opportunities into our lives. I am so busy on Vocal, mostly writing my own stuff. But I do also have a group of friends I try to support. I'll try to add you to that group. I am very spiritual, but my beliefs aren't conventional. I incorporate Eastern and Western philosophy. I believe ALL Humanity is Connected. I believe wholeheartedly in synchronicity. No hell awaits any of us... especially not for us being true to ourselves. Love is never wrong. Blessings to You. May All Your Dreams Come True. ⚡💙⚡