I Can Be Both

Greetings, Vocal readers. It's been a while since I've written a story. The following story may ruffle a few feathers and raise a few eyebrows. However, I want everyone to hear me out for a few minutes. Religion is a taboo and touchy subject for most people. Growing up in Texas, I attended church with my family almost every Sunday. When I left home for college years later, I attended a local church, and I loved the people there. Just to remind everyone that this was around 2010: two years before officially coming out as a gay man. At the time, I was still hiding my true self from everyone. When I finally came out in 2012, I repeatedly asked myself this question to myself: "Now that I've come out as gay, will God love me as I am?" Even after I stopped going to that church and then I moved to a new area after I graduated from college, I was still seeking a church that was gay friendly. In the spring of 2013, I found a church in my area that wasn't far from where I was living at the time...or so I thought. I attended that church for a month before leaving it for good. The reason? They were regurgitating anti-gay rhetoric. It broke my heart that people always assume the worst about us when they don't even know us personally. Christians would tell everyone to love one another but would waste no time degrading and dehumanizing gay people at every opportunity. Some, not all, Christians are walking hypocrites. I wouldn't say that I was an Atheist, per se, but I want to be able to accept myself and believe in God at the same time.

In July 2022, my grandfather passed away. He was the only relative who I was very close with. I took his loss very hard and was in tears. He was the only relative I actually cried over. In fact, I considered him as a true father figure, because my estranged father wasn't loving, nor supportive towards me. My grandfather was the complete opposite. No matter what I've done, he always loved me, his children, and his grandchildren unconditionally.

I haven't stepped foot inside of a church in over a decade and afraid to do exactly that again. What I never understood was why does morality have to be put on such a high pedestal. Why do we hold morality at such a high standard? I don't believe that one's morality should determine who goes to heaven or hell. It's been nearly three years since my grandfather's death and was seeking something to ensure that things will be alright. I know that he'll always be there with me in spirit, but recently, I realized one thing. Remember at the beginning of this story I pondered whether I could believe in God and be gay? The answer to that is yes. Like I said before, this story might raise a few eyebrows, but I believe in God. I shouldn't decide between being proud of who I am and believing in a higher power. Here's an interesting fact: 35% of LGBTQ+ individuals identify with a Christian faith. I happen to be among one of them. Two consenting adults sharing their love for one another is beautiful. I've never considered that as sinful. I believe that I'm gay because that the way God made me. If someone wants to know more about my personal faith, I'll be more than happy to answer any of those questions. I'm not pretending to be a Saint and don't claim to be one. No one is perfect and I don't expect people to be, regardless of your background or upbringing. I don't share my faith very often, unless someone is curious about it. I don't care about what people think about me. At the end of the day, we're all human and we deserve to live the life we want. No matter what I'm going through, I know that God's love for me will ever fail. He'll always be there for me, no matter what. You are loved and I love you as you are. God bless you.

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