Loving Yourself is the Best Gift This Holiday Season

Greetings, Vocal readers! The holiday season is a joyous occasion where people spend time with their loved ones. However, that is not always the case for LGBTQ+ people. Family, especially parents, are supposed to love and accept their children as they are. Unfortunately, we've seen too many stories over the years about parents kicking their own children out of the house or deny their own existence because of their sexual orientation or gender identity. That is an emotional gut punch that they have experienced or are experiencing now. We have a president and his administration who are slowly trying to strip protections of people like us. They're spreading hateful rhetoric that puts our lives at risk daily.

I've been a writer on Vocal since 2018 and shared my life story on numerous occasions. If you're new to Vocal and unfamiliar with who I am, I'll share some things about myself. I grew up in Texas and the oldest of three children. While moments of my childhood were great, the household I grew up in was abusive and toxic. I've had two abusive parents who didn't love me enough or supported me. The emotional and physical abuse I suffered at their hands was terrifying. From name calling to physical violence, I felt trapped. I couldn't express myself or stand up to them. They tell other people things about me that weren't true. Plus, they loved gaslighting me, thinking that I was being delusional when they refuse to take any accountability for their actions. They love playing the victim and treat their own children as the villains.

I've been estranged from them for nearly 15 years and don't regret it. However in 2020, I wrote an open letter on here addressing the two people who were supposed to love, support, and protect me by coming out to them for the first time. They never knew that I was gay and I wanted to address them one last time. My estranged mother and sister weren't pleased that I called out the toxicity of the family I wish I never wanted to be part of in the first place. I'm not apologetic got saying that, because they weren't great towards me. In their minds, my estranged parents would rather have a dead gay son than a living one. This was the same year I cut my sister out of my life, because she was excusing their awful behavior and not holding them accountable for it. I'll have the open letter I wrote to my estranged parents on here at the end of this story.

To my fellow LGBTQ + people who are currently going through something like this, parents who aren't willing to love and accept you aren't the people you should associate with. If they're trying to cause you any harm, this is your cue to walk away and distance yourself from them. These actions aren't out of bitterness. It's self-respect. There's no shame in protecting yourself from unnecessary drama. It's never selfish for you to walk away from chaos. You deserve to feel safe and loved. Surround yourself with loving and accepting individuals. You don't owe them any sort of explanation. Our parents are out first bullies, and I know this from experience. Peace is a lot better than family drama. I hope that your life is filled with not only peace, but serenity. Never apologize for being yourself, because no one can take away your identity. Also, never feel guilty of running towards peace instead of entertaining negativity. This holiday season, self-love is the best gift you can give to yourself.

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