Live and Let Live: One Straight Man's Take on Pride
Just some thoughts.
As a cisgender, heterosexual, and white man (I'm Scottish-Italian, so not palest ever, but still white), I often feel that it's not really my place to say anything. But, still, I can't just sit on my hands and not say anything at all.
The struggles of LGBTQIA+ people are not my struggles. Though I’m not exactly rolling in it myself, I am aware of the easier run of life I've had than others who don't sit in my bracket. The bracket that has had the easiest run in the history of the human race.
Still, I don't want there to be any interpretation that reads as "Paul Stewart doesn't care about people, LGBTQIA+ or otherwise."
I do care about people.
I’m selfish. An asshole. I make mistakes — I’ve done terrible things in the past, even to my own flesh and blood. But, at my deepest core, I am a live-and-let-live person.
There are lots of things that annoy me, make me angry, make me sick to my stomach, make me want to hate the human disgrace.
Do you know what doesn't bother me at all?
- When someone is a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.
- People with different religious beliefs as my own.
- People with a different class background as my own.
- People with a different colour of skin as my own.
- People who identify as a different gender to the one they were assigned at birth.
I try to approach all people—LGBTQIA+, disabled, immigrants, anyone—with the same baseline of human respect.
I do not see the reason for the hate. I understand in principle why the hate is there, but don't understand and accept that it is a reasonable reason to pursue such tiring and energy-sapping energy as hating people for who they are, whether by nature, identity, or personal truth.
Someone being LGBTQIA+ doesn’t threaten or diminish me in any way. I can’t fathom why it would anyone.
Do you know what matters to me?
If anyone is doing something that makes them happy, is not hurting anyone else or themselves (within reason) and is not breaking any sensible laws — not the garbage ones written by bigots.
I judge people on an individual level, not based on their societal grouping. If you're an asshole and hateful person, I might have a problem with you, but not because you are a woman that likes men, or a man who likes women who used to be men but are now women.
So, while I don't really have any stakes in your fights and struggles, I see you and hear you and support your right to be who you are, the who you want to be.
*
Thanks for reading!
Author's Notes: I recently fumbled badly with my ABCommunities Challenge. A challenge I set myself. I missed a few deadlines, and in the end the deadlines I was racing to meet and the projects I was working on outside of that self-appointed challenge, became more important.
Still, I want to continue posting in some of the communities on Vocal I have yet to, so this is my offering to the Pride Community.
Here are other things:
About the Creator
Paul Stewart
Award-Winning Writer, Poet, Scottish-Italian, Subversive.
The Accidental Poet - Poetry Collection out now!
Streams and Scratches in My Mind coming soon!
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Comments (14)
I grapple a lot with the same feelings. Caught between my desire to express support and sympathy and the sense that it's best to step aside and let those who directly identify with these groups speak. I don't think one is more correct than the other. Perhaps better to say something, even something small, than to let them believe your silence means you don't care about them
Totally agree with “ I try to approach all people—LGBTQIA+, disabled, immigrants, anyone—with the same baseline of human respect.” In a similar vein, “Black Lives Matter”… as do brown, red, yellow, white… green??😳 Each person is unique and precious.
"Someone being LGBTQIA+ doesn’t threaten or diminish me in any way. I can’t fathom why it would anyone." This! If only more people thought this way. It’s heartbreaking how often hate gets dressed up as morality or tradition, then sold as love or truth. I really appreciate your sincerity here, Paul. You're not just being a good ally—you’re being a decent, empathetic human with clarity and heart, and that makes all the difference. You acknowledge your own privilege without defensiveness, and that’s rarer than it should be. Speaking (unofficially) from the queer corner of the internet: thank you. Your words matter. They lift, they affirm, and they help carve out space for all of us to breathe a little easier. This is the kind of allyship we want: the kind that supports without centering, that stands beside without overshadowing. Thank you, truly. 🌈
We are all made of the same stuff at the end of the day. One man's pleasure is another man's pain; who are we to judge?
That's the thing, I don't understand it either. If something makes someone happy, and it isn't at the expense of anyone else's wellbeing, I see nothing wrong with it. These haters are so unreasonablely mean!
Thank you for accepting us. There are far too many people who don't and I don't understand it. 💜
As a libertarian i completely agree. live and let live
It's not that you & I don't have a stake in 2SLGBTQIA+ rights, it's that our stake has more to do with how it affects them followed tangentially by how the recognition or denial of basic human rights for one group might impact our own (& anyone else's). An apt parallel might be seen in the Trump administration's that undocumented immigrants (or people he simply claims are bad), don't have rights of due process. Who cares if we make a mistake here or there & refuse to take any action to correct them? The reality is that if due process can be denied them, they can be denied anyone. And given the fact that he's been chanting "Lock her up" or some derivation thereof for a full decade & has promised to go after his political "enemies", that should be cause for concern to everyone. It used to be that hospitals denied domestic partners in same sex relationships visitation rights because "they weren't married". Advance directives, DNRs & last wishes were routinely disregarded in favor of long-alienated & disapproving family because they were the ones who had legal standing. I would argue that if those basic rights which you & I take for granted can be denied them, they can be denied anyone.
I'm in a similar place. Meanwhile, since on other social media my profile pic is from my wedding, I sometimes amuse myself by asking the 'ramming it down my throat' brigade whether they are offended by that. After all, what I do in my personal life shouldn't be anyone else's business, nor should I be making a public show of it, right? Not had a convincing answer yet.
This is pretty much my mindset and feeling about it (apart from not being Scottish-Italian). ;)
Great thoughts, Paul. I agree that each and every person has the right to do what makes them happy (without hurting themselves or others, like you mentioned) without being judged or disrespected.
thanks for your allyship, paul. we appreciate having you in our corner and for your understanding that we all just want to live authentically and safely 💙
Well said Paul. I fall into your category and as much as I wish to take part and have a say within this challenge, I don’t feel it is my place. I have never lived with discrimination thrown at me
Exactly right. Live and let live, as long as they aren't raping, molesting, or killing.