HIV And AIDS

The first time I heard of AIDS, I thought they were talking about the carmel like diet supplements my mother used when I was a kid. Not the same thing and it didn't take long to figure that out. I knew a young man that had contracted HIV sometime after college. I knew he was gay.

I used to joke with him about having gaydar. We were friends from college, and we grew up close to each other, I knew his family and his older brothers were closer to my age. During and after his experience with HIV, then AIDS, his brothers never said a word about it.

It was a time when there was no cure. I was to meet many other people with HIV/AIDS after him. I would work with several during my time as a counselor/therapist. Another friend would go around and talk about the importance of prevention after she had contracted HIV from her husband.

She was on the other end of HIV where there was treatment and where it didn't mean automatic death within a short time. She lived into her 60s and she contracted HIV probably 30+ years before she died from AIDS.

When I learned about chronic bereavement, it related very well to the Native American program participants that I worked with. Chronic bereavement was coined due to the groups of young friends dying from AIDS, like my college friend.

In much the same way that was happening with the Native American people I worked with. There would be a death of a significant other and they wouldn't have time to grieve that person before another loved one would die.

It has been similar in some areas with Covid in the past several years.

'Chronic bereavement' was coined due to all of the deaths of friend groups dying of HIV/AIDS in a short time.

In the mid 90s, I worked with a man who had been living in San Fransisco for most of his adult life. He was a choreographer and worked primarily with young people. When he was close to the end of his life he moved back home. He had family and a few friends there.

He was asked by the staff to work with daycare children and wasn't allowed to as some parents were upset that he was gay. They weren't made aware that he was HIV positive, and that rumor wasn't going around. It was simply that he was gay/lgbtq+.

It surprised me as I was taught that gay/lgbtq+ people are two spirited people. They were often times medicine people and special respected people that were known to be gifted. The problem as I saw it then was that not everyone was socialized in the culture.

At least by this time people were not afraid to touch those with HIV/AIDS as I was aware of that happening also in earlier days of HIV.

In getting to know this man, I was so impressed with all that he had done in his lifetime. He was disappointed to learn he couldn't work with the daycare children. And he told me that he had expected that.

We talked about how I believed that it was the children's loss. And that it was too bad there was such ignorance. People thought you could catch gayness by spending time with a gay person. He talked with young men that would stop by to talk to him about being gay.

Again, I applauded his helping others. He died within a year of arriving home. Sometimes I think his time was cut short due to disappointment.

During my time working with people in treatment and individually I have done primarily grief work. There has been so much truama, grief and loss for our lgbtq+ relatives that it is important for helpers to do their own trauma, grief and loss work.

In that way they may do this kind of work with their people. If not they should have excellent referral sources to refer them to.

Somehow people know and won't tell you if you can't hear the trauma, grief and loss or help them with what they need to talk about. I believe this is the main reason for the revolving door of people coming and going in treatment.

I am hopeful that there will be a cure someday, in much the same I hope for a cure for other deadly illnesses.