For Our First Date, He Brought Red Flags

We met on a dating site. Gavin was quick to want to move to texting. It had only been a day of messaging, so it felt fast to me. But I threw caution to the wind and agreed to texting. 

What harm could it bring?

Once we started texting, the conversation flowed nicely. We bonded over a shared affection for Dungeons and Dragons and writing. He would ask a lot about my work and how I was able to grow a following the way I did. 

The answer I gave was persistence. And writing about what makes me happy because it'll help the audience. 

We both said that we wanted to find a group to play D&D with. There was some talk about us playing together, but nothing ever materialized from it. Which is not surprising given how things went between us. 

After texting for a couple of days, Gavin began asking for a video chat. I was reluctant because I hate talking on the phone. But I also understood that some people were not content with just texting all day, every day. 

I gave in and we had a call. 

Nothing significant happened. We chatted about exes and why things didn't work out. For me, it revolved around my ex not being very ambitious and being OK with living off a trust fund. 

For him, it was him being gay and his partner being a woman. 

Then came the expected conversation. 

"Do you want to go on a date with me?" Gavin asked. 

"Yes!" 

After some back and forth about scheduling issues, we decided that the date would happen the following weekend. It seemed to make the most sense for both of us. 

But there was a growing unease inside of me.

Red Flag Waving

The day after our video chat, Gavin text me. His supervisor called in the early hours of the morning to tell him that he had to be in the office. He shared with me that he wouldn't be able to text as much because of that. 

It was something I understood completely. I asked him to message when he could. And assured him that I had a ton of work to do as well, so it's not like I was going to be messaging a ton anyway. 

This conversation happened after: 

"That was hell. I missed you," Gavin said. 

"Bad day at work?"

We talked for a while. He tried to coax me into another video call, but I declined this time. I was in the middle of working on an article and didn't want to stop. 

It peeved him off. But I held firm, there was no way I was going to keep giving in. 

The next day, I went to the local library for writing group. When I'm at group, I generally don't text very much. Something that Gavin was well aware of because I told him quite a few times. 

After I left group, I checked my phone. There were several misses texts from him. Mostly asking where I was and why wasn't I answering him. 

"Hey, I was in group," I said to him. 

"Well, maybe you should try answering your texts," he snapped back. 

"Why is it I have to respect your day in the office, but you aren't respecting my time?" 

That last message set him off. He told me he needed time to think, to see if this was something he wanted to pursue because he didn't like it. I said that was fine. I needed to see if I wanted to continue with the situation as well. 

Suddenly, his position changed, and he was very happy to hear from me. But I was left feeling even more unsettled than I was before.

The Date

Every morning I would go for a walk, come home and shower, then make some coffee. This was done for mental and physical health reasons. And it was something that every around me was well aware of, that way no one worried about me.

As I walked into my apartment from my walk, Gavin messaged me. He asked when and where we were meeting. It was something that we had talked about, so I was a bit confused. 

"Do I need to walk around downtown crying?" He asked in a follow-up message. 

"You can do what you want, but I am not responsible for your emotions," I countered. 

Later that day, we met up for the date. One of the first things I noticed was that there was no chemistry between us. It wasn't a surprise, my gut had told me that there was something off. 

But then he said something that crystallized, in my mind, why I had felt so unsettled about the entire situation. 

"I almost didn't come after you didn't laugh at my joke this morning," Gavin said. 

"It wasn't funny, and I won't be made to feel bad about not taking responsibility for a stranger's feelings," I said. 

Ten minutes later, he had to go. I walked with him to the parking garage. He said goodbye. We never talked again. 

Some people question why I went through with the date when I felt uneasy about it. The answer is simple, I wanted to see if I was right. And I was. 

I also wanted to prove to myself that I could hold firm with my boundaries. I did and it was glorious.