ⅅℯ𝑎𝚛e𝖘𝖙 𝙻𝗚𝜝𝕋ⵕ𝙰Ꞵℂ𝚾𝚈𝗭𝖦8𝒱𝚻ꓑʟ𐌑+ Ｙ૦𝝊𝐭𝗁, (part two)

The Law of Attraction.

You have probably heard so much about this already. Maybe you have watched The Secret (Dare to Dream)? Maybe you’ve heard every celebrity and successful person you know of talking about the very same formula. (If not - start with Jim Carey and the story about him asking for a hike as a kid. Then look up Helen Hadsell. Then perhaps J-Lo, Oprah Winfrey, Jennifer Anniston… they all openly discuss this. Athletes, Olympic medalists and their trainers… the list is endless.

Do the research.

Try to suspend what you think you know or have learned for a moment and read this with a clear mind as I put it into the simplest of terms. Your entire life - this reality - is created by you. By your thoughts and beliefs.

Of course you were not born a blank canvas. At conception you were exactly 50% of your mother and 50% of your father. Your consciousness was birthed, moulded by them and then shaped by every interaction since. How your mother felt when pregnant, what she said and did, her tone of voice, food she ate…. movies watched, songs listened to …. everything affected you. Created you. Had you forming beliefs about this world. How it looks, how it feels, how other people are. How they will treat you.

Your thoughts and beliefs did not originate with you. The patterns that govern your life were inherited and imprinted onto you. (and so became you… but are not you).

You inherited who you are from your ancestors - both privilege and burdens. Both fear and love. All of who you are is a consequence of everything that came before.

Think of it this way - you didn’t choose the language you speak, your gender, your school, your country, your society, whether your needs were met as an infant , whether you were nurtured by both north parents or not….etc etc, but each and every one of those (and a billion more) profoundly shaped you into the way you behave and conduct yourself.

Most of what you think is you? Is not you.

Which is also why I say don’t label it.

Don’t label what you were created as. Get to know what and who that even is first. Then decide if you actually want to be that or not.

All of this will likely take you until your 30’s to really understand. To really piece together the patterns that have governed your life, your parents lives, their parents lives.

You need to be asking questions about your parents and grandparents lives. Learn as much as you possibly can so that you can begin to see that you are parts of all of them, repeating cycles that they created or repeated themselves.

Next truth?

Everything in life is a paradox to manage. Do not fall into the ego trap of thinking in simplistic black and white, right and wrong, this or that thinking. The answer to everything is almost certainly always both or all.

If you shift perspective, your view changes entirely. If your view can change entirely, the first one you had could not be the only truth. With most subjects there are thousands of truths. And each one entirely correct from their perspective.

To offer an example?

Abortion is probably the easiest debate to illustrate my point. Both the pro life and pro choice sides are entirely correct. Abortion is the murder of a life, of a separate forming consciousness. It is profoundly detrimental to the mother and those involved in the procedure. In an ideal world - it simply wouldn’t and shouldn’t ever happen. Ever. Ever. Ever.

But we don’t live in that ideal world. We live in a world where rape happens. Where women fall pregnant to abusers. Where young women fall pregnant because their attachment issues leads them into terrible relationships or one night stands with people who would make horrible fathers .

Is is absolutely and unquestionably wrong to bring a child into the world who will have to live with processing the shame of knowing they were conceived from rape (that 50% of their consciousness began as a rapist ) or be lied to and never be able to truly understand themselves or where they came from.

Both are inflicting immense suffering onto a child.

So this is a paradox.

Both sides are entirely conflicting and yet both are also entirely correct in their perspective and truth. When we are wise enough and capable of holding both truths at the same time, we no longer judge a person for their choices. Instead, we chose to support them. To love them.

The more you lean into the depth and complexity of life, the more of these paradoxes you will experience. Your task is to witness and to learn, first and foremost. Keep yourself safe as you learn about yourself, about life, about love. Which means don’t start fires or go into a situation with an all guns blazing belief that you are right and the other is wrong. In the thousands of years of recorded human history, that had never worked out well.

What else?! Well….

Attention is not true love.

Sex is not true love.

Respect is not true love.

Absolute freedom is not true love.

but

In true love there is attention. In true love there can be sex. In true love there is the upmost respect. There is true reverence for the other. In true love there is always absolute freedom.

You do not find the treasure chest of life truths by becoming a pirate in search of some mysterious box outside of yourself.

You dig deep within.

You eliminate all within you that is critical, judgemental, insecure, needy, compulsive, imbalanced, impure, angry etc.

All that is not love.

All of the poison that has infected you through various traumas (and indeed inherited trauma from your ancestors). You root them out. You heal all of those wounded parts of you. Not with harshness or force but with kindness and gentle compassion and patience. You learn what those parts of you need and you meet those needs. Consistently. For as long as it takes. Just as you would do for a child.

This is your own inner child, after all.

You can spend a lifetime avoiding this work in favour of entertainment and temporary pleasures - but they will only steal your health, your youth and dampen your beautiful spirit. I don’t advise it. Casual sex (all sex outwith true love) is also a temporary pleasure with immense consequences that take many, many years to undo. I also don’t advise it.

Basically I’m saying hey kids, don’t do drugs, they are really hard to un-attach from. And be under no illusions that sex is a drug. Given the chemicals that flood your bloodstream when you have it - it’s arguably the most powerful drug there is. Which is just one reason why you want to be having it with someone who you can sustain love with. Otherwise you just invited years of unnecessary suffering into your life.

(This does make me want to branch off into a tangent about reading people and assessing their capacity for love and how capable they actually are of being loving and sustaining love. The red flags are so easy to spot. Let’s just say in short that if they aren’t sober - true love is not on the horizon any time soon… or at all. This topic is book worthy so I won’t get into it here).

Another paradox - one that I consider an extremely important example to discuss here is about being worthy of love. We all are born with an innate worthiness to be loved. Our very life and existence tells us that we are absolutely worthy of love.

However.

We are also not worthy of being loved by others (especially those who are not our parents or God). If our behaviour is repeatedly poor, and we do not appreciate or reciprocate the care and love that we receive from others in all their forms (this goes for everything in life - including material possessions) we will invariably lose them and their actionable love from our lives.

So love is both something that does and does not have to be earned. Holding both truths of all of these billions of paradoxes of life is like spinning plates on a tightrope whilst on a bungee cord… it’s impossible to always keep them all in balance. However, it’s imperative that you try to. Also, when you learn to stay relaxed about it all, it actually becomes quite fun 😉 .

Law of attraction states that we only attract what we deeply believe ourselves to be worthy of. If our truly loving soul knows that our behaviour does not deserve the love and attentions of others - we will lose them. Even if that’s not what we want.

Know yourself so deeply and work to uphold such strong virtue that you can always tell the difference between when your behaviour is right and to be defended, and when it is wrong and to be corrected. These lines can become very blurry at times, especially when our wounded ego is involved in reacting.

On that note.

Do not apologise when you are not wrong.

Forgive yourself when you invariably do.

Always apologise sincerely when you are wrong.

Forgive yourself when you are.

It doesn’t matter how much time has passed since the occurrence, or how long it takes you to wake up to some past unconscious cruelty. Reach out to that person from the love you now have. Be sorry. Say sorry. (Not “I apologise” 🙄 or “I’m sorry, but”).

Never, ever ruin an apology with a “but”. If you are truly sorry from your heart and not your ego, you will not attempt to explain yourself. You will be solely focused on repairing the other persons hurt and the break in the relationship. This will feel so hard at first, for everything we have never done feels hard at first. Especially if you were a child who was never apologised to or had good role models for this.

Can you play piano effortlessly without a lesson? Of course not. We become good and say ease with what we practice. Social skills, relationships skills, communication skills all require practice. So practice! Get good at these because everything that truly matters for joy and happiness exists there.

These are the things that immediately improve your life and the quality of other people’s lives - especially improving their experience of interacting with you. (Which is how you become worthy of their love - if they have and are capable of giving love.)

If you remain to be mister doom and gloom and drag everyone’s energy down every time you see them, they will all eventually distance themselves from you. Don’t be toxic. You can’t continuously project misery and anger and outrage and expect to hold quality relationships that people will want to invest in.

Think of your relationships as a shared garden. Match the other persons effort and energy as a general rule of thumb. Some gardens will be immaculate. Others will be wild and unkept, but still fun to visit once in a while.

Don’t beg, please or demand anyone to work harder in your joint garden. Don’t overcompensate and do all the work yourself. Share your feelings about neglect and desire for more effort and watch whether they care to prioritise your relationship or not. Don’t fight. Don’t shout. Don’t worry. Just let them be them (this is loving) and withdraw appropriately.

(This is easy - unless you are strongly attached to them. Hence - don’t have casual sex and attach to people that will create harm in your life!)

The exception of course… that person has true reason for neglecting your garden… and they voice appreciation for your extra work holding back the weeds… and this doesn’t become a longer pattern. Each and every relationship and circumstance is unique. You just need the calm discernment and connection to your heart (and not attachment or ego ) to be able to clearly see when to do more, and when to do less.

Paradoxes. I did mention they are they are fun, didn’t I?!

If the person you apologise to cares to understand your reasons - they will ask. That will likely happen at a later date if it happens at all (in my experience, most people don’t want to understand why you hurt them, they care more that you soothe the wound, care to repair the relationship and that you do not repeat the harm). If you need to explain yourself - the apology is not about the other person anymore, it became about you and your needs. That’s ego. Don’t do that. Acting from ego brings suffering to you, and to others.

You’ve already done it. I’ve already done it. We are all sure to do it again. Because we all make this error. We’ve all been wounded. We all get reactive and regret it. Virtue, values and integrity are the process by which we do the work to ensure we never recreate the harm you caused. Whether that’s self harm or harm to others. Although arguably, both are one in the same. We cannot harm another without harming ourselves.

Now….

Back to what I intended to say in this letter. Where were we…?

This last point does actually lead nicely in to talking about ‘bad’ people. ‘Evil’ people. People who cause harm, especially malicious harm, to others, to you. It is extremely challenging not to get outraged, angry and upset by abusers and perpetrators of violence and injustice. But it’s really important you don’t. Being outraged, angry and upset are states of stress. They are all states of fear.

They age you. They force the body to work very hard to rebalance. (It’s like putting the gas pedal and brake pedal on full and running the engine in your car. It will burn out eventually). If you stay in a state of fear long enough, the body begins to systematically break down.

There are as many reasons to feel fear as there are reasons to feel safety, joy and love in this world and (more specifically) in your life. You get what you focus on. You get what you practice. Your choices therefore dictate your health, your mood, and your experience of life.

This is yet another extremely hard task to manage. To be aware of the injustices and problems of the world, without strongly emotionally reacting. Of course this is another paradox… to feel nothing by repressing, suppressing, detaching or distracting is not the solution. That’s arguably the biggest problem the people of this world have. No. Don’t do that. What you need to develop is loving awareness. You need to understand why they are so hateful.

I’ll give you the treasure right now…although I am quite certain you are going to take many years to come to this understanding yourself…. it all comes back to fear.

These people are so deeply in fear it has warped their thinking, their ability to rationalise, destroyed their compassion and empathy. Fear does that. Fear is the only force in the world that is as strong as love. Anger is fear. Jealousy is fear. Hate is fear. All of these low level frequency emotions are fear. They are infectious and highly poisonous.

You will know all about fear. We all do. We were born into a world of fear. Systems of fear. There are still countries so fearful of same sex marriage and couples, for example, that they even made laws against them.

Heck, some male dominated societies are so deeply in fear they even made laws against heterosexual couples displaying affection.

Because that’s a real threat, right?

My advice is for you to open your mind and understand the why …. Especially regarding these particular examples. Which means putting aside your judgements and outrage and being open and receptive to learning. You can’t change what you don’t understand.

****

I have read the Bible and much of the Quran (fascinating reads if you want to understand sociology and how we have evolved - or not evolved - over the centuries). It seems to me that many so called Christians and Muslims have entirely misinterpreted a powerful biblical story. The story of Sodom. The city that God apparently punished with boulders from the sky after becoming wrathful at their uncivilised and unloving way of life.

I would like you to (regardless of your beliefs) take that story as an absolute truth for a moment. Because for those people who oppose your life choices - it IS an absolute truth. It happened. God did that.

And this is why they all fear that if people have same sex relations, God will wrathfully punish us all in the same way… or some other way. They are living in intense fear because of this gross misinterpretation. Fear which prompted the creation of such awful laws (and many attacks/murders of the community).

If you actually read the story in the Bible, with no agenda, you will find those people of Sodom described as murderers, liars, cheats, robbers and just generally awful people. People who are living in absolute sin. They have become evil. It is mentioned in the story that these men were having sex with each other and inferred this particular sex was an animalistic and inhuman act.

Was God raining down boulders on genuinely happy, loving, caring, intuitive, sensitive people who just so happened to be in same sex relationships? Of course not. That is not what this story is about!!!!! God never punished people for sharing love. For men loving men. Or for women loving women. God punished them / wiped them out for sinful, evil behaviours.

These were people who harmed each other and were acting as unconscious and wild animals would. They didn’t treat sex with reverence. They didn’t love each other at all! They had no love in them whatsoever. LOVE was not the problem.

God would have rained down those boulders on heterosexual humans acting in the same way. It just so happened that same-sex sex was mentioned. It never told that God is against it! That part (from my perspective and interpretation of an already translated text) was to highlight just how awful and unruly and disgusting these people were.

If it were put into my own words - it would read like this;

Although it pained God greatly, The City of Sodom was now so heavily infested with low level animalistic ‘humans’ who had lost all love and consciousness. They had fallen so far from grace and into sin that even God now believed they were irredeemable.

They had harmed their women and forced them to work as slaves. The were drunks devoid of all compassion and love, they took drugs, stole from each other, were violent robbers and criminals. The men were disloyal to their wives and even fucking each other like animals.

They were all slaves to unconscious compulsions and had no grace or reverence or love in them to revive. They were zombies. The walking dead. But with powerful energy to attack and instil fear upon anyone who came to their city.

God knew she had to do something. One last try to shake them out of this awful behaviour. She started throwing rocks at them. Big rocks. Not to kill them, but to scare them. Give them one last chance to change.

How dare they act like this. Especially in harming her beautiful women and traumatising innocent children. It was time. Time to intervene. Fuck them. They deserve this…..

There is absolutely no comparison between a loving gay or queer couple getting married and having or adopting children to raise in a supportive, nurturing environment and these people of Sodom. The Sodom people were evil, terrible people who just happened to also be having ‘gay’ sex from compulsion. Animal compulsion. The story is not saying they are evil people because they were gay. They weren’t living loving lives as gay men, they were dishonest and betraying their vows.

There is a world of difference between being a gay man and being one of the Sodom men.

Do you see what I’m getting at?

Anyone who attempts to interpret this Bible story in attempt to justify their unloving, cruel, discriminatory and hateful behaviour towards this PRIDE community is no better than the people of Sodom. They are living in absolute violation of Jesus’s teachings. Teaching which both the Muslim and Christian faiths accept as truth.

Know your Bible (regardless of your belief) and you can easily, calmly deescalate a confrontation with such a person. Just ask them “Is this what Jesus taught you?”

Being able to understand why people interpret the same text so completely differently will also prove extremely valuable to you in life.

For instance. I am reading this story from a calm place of privilege compared to a person born to, say, Pakistan. My head isn’t baking in the sun all day, I’m not dehydrated or malnourished. I’m not living next to a neighbouring country who is home to fanatical extremists who would kill me and my family if it weren’t for the military men guarding the border between us.

My lens of perspective is vastly different to a person born to such a world of extreme fear. A chaotic world where undiagnosed mental illness is rife and talking therapy is still taboo.

It’s easy to look from the outside and say something is wrong or ridiculous. It takes true strength to lean in and really begin to learn why people hold such seemingly insane views.

Be assured of this - if someone holds a backwards, unloving view? They are LESS PRIVILEGED THAN YOU.

So try to see how these terrified Muslims and extremist ‘Christians’ see that story. They have a different lens. It’s skewed and broken, sure. But it’s easier not to get so outraged and upset when you realise this. When you see that it all comes back to fear, instead of what appears to be hate.

That understanding frees you internally.

So, there’s yet another paradox - it is all about you, and it’s not at all about you.

Their fear and hate come from generations of imprinted false belief and poisoning. It’s got nothing to do with you. They can’t help it any more than you can help but speak the English you were raised to speak. Some people never manage to gain true discernment and critical thinking skills.

Both of those are a result of privilege.

Knowing this will help you to view such evil as you would view a child throwing a tantrum. The child doesn’t know a better way. The child isn’t capable (yet) of reacting in a better way.

Yet also - you are the trigger for their intense generational fear. Fear so powerful that it makes them completely irrational and overpowers any love within them. Fear that even overpowers logic.

I mean, what would Jesus say to the angry ‘Christian’ mobs outside an abortion clinic? Or the Muslim (they accept Jesus as a true prophet and their religion was founded on Christianity) who beats upon or imprisons a brother for being in a same sex relationship?

Jesus didn’t and wouldn’t condone any of that.

Those people are, ironically, the very same as the Jews who murdered Jesus. And yet they claim to be followers and believers of him? It’s utter lunacy. And it’s still quite widespread in this world, so do be careful.

Don’t visit countries that are of these kind of archaic, unevolved belief systems. Why would you want to? And if you were born to one? Ouch. In that case take Jesus’s advice and flee to another land if you are persecuted in yours.

Don’t be upset about it…don’t grow sad and bitter about it…. just go and embrace that this is God’s way of upgrading your life and protecting you from harm. Of getting you away from that toxicity and into a better place - emotionally, spiritually, mentally and physically.

And if you don’t believe in God? God is just another word for ‘the universe’ and all that’s in it. That invisible, intangible life force energy that connects all beings, all life. The mystical and magical force within us and beyond us. God is not some man on a throne to ‘believe’ in. God is everything. Inside and outside of us. I’ve tried to find a better word, but there just isn’t one. I’m getting more comfortable using it but it’s taking practice!

Anyhow… where were we?

Ah yes. We don’t fight fear with fear. We can only overcome it with love. Which means you need to be capable of returning to love as quickly as possible when you are triggered into or infected by fear. It can help to imagine fear as the bottom of a tall ladder… and love at the top. When you feel anger, hate, blame, insecurity, criticism, judgement etc, you know you are on the lower half of the ladder and you need to do the work to start climbing.

Now, you can get all up in arms about who’s fault it is that you are down the bottom of the ladder. You can blame and shout and do whatever feels temporarily ‘good’. But after your tantrum you will still be in the very same place. Or even lower down the ladder (more likely). So eventually you learn to not do that and to just accept where you are, and put in the work to climb up.

What is that work?

Well that’s mastering the basics of self care. Of raising your energy. Your vibration. And there are many ways to do this. There is no one way (choosing one and only one makes you a slave to attachment again, don’t fall into this trap). You need a toolkit filled with all kinds of useful ways and means of help to get back up that ladder. Back to love. Where peace is. Where true joy is. Where love is. Where everything worth living for exists.

Here’s my own checklist of needs and suggestions I run through when I find myself knocked down. I write these in order of importance;

Am I breathing correctly? Slowly. Deeply. (Breathwork beats or breathe with Sandy on YouTube - excellent free resources for learning and practicing daily. This gets you up the ladder the fastest. When the body is in fear, the mind begins generating fear based thoughts. The thoughts generate emotions. This becomes an unhealthy feedback loop. You are breaking the loop by choosing to self care and step out of fear energy).

Am I hydrated? (Dehydration = body is in fear. Fear is the enemy)

Am I nourished? (Malnutrition = body is in fear. Fear is the enemy) Most overweight people are malnourished. This is not about body fat.

Have I moved my body? Do I need to meditate? Rest? Sleep? Bathe? Shower? Change clothing? (Fear is a toxic energy that literally sticks to clothing. Once infected, shower and change).

Would music help? Which music can I choose?

Can I dance? Can I sing? Do I need to scream?!

Have I tried all of this and still feel uneasy?

Do I need to do calming yoga - or do I need to stomp my feet and shake this tension out of my body? Like, literally shake it out.

Do I need to cry? If I am feeling anger - I am scared to be vulnerable. Behind all anger is grief. If I soften my body and heart, do I feel tears and grief waiting to release. Can I allow that? (Yes. The answer is always yes. What you feel is leaving you. Let it leave. It’s toxic).

Do I need to connect to another person or animal or even a tree?

What about creatively expressing what I feel?

Creating art, painting, drawing, crafting. Writing a poem or a song.

Whatever it takes (that does no harm and ideally doesn’t rely on any other person). That’s what you fill your toolbox with. You are going to fall down that ladder over and over and over… you will repeat mistakes and make poor choices and judgments that harm your loving energy…. Other people will trigger anger and hurt in you that push you down. Your job is NOT to focus on changing them (another paradox of course!). Your job is to change you.

If someone can trigger you, they are controlling you. You must heal that trigger (wounded part of you) in order to be truly free. A person’s words only hurt you if part of you agrees with them. Speak to that part of you, not them. Heal the wound inside you so that you become so solid and secure in knowing yourself. In owning who you are. Flaws and faults and all.

(Like, don’t hold on to them 😂. Just accept where you are right now and keep doing your best. That’s all you can do. And do it with compassion.)

The best part of this work is that the more you heal, the less you will encounter mean and cruel people…. This is law of attraction again. You have to work on your inner world to truly change the outer world. Of course that’s yet another paradox.. For you also can have a great affect on the outside world by being involved in some practical way….

Just ensure whatever practical thing you involve yourself in is fuelled from love and not from fear.

Work with joyful passion rather than from intense need and attachment to an outcome. You have to be joyful now for the world to truly change. If you enjoy attending protests, attend. But know you don’t have to be angry show you care. Anger isn’t care. It doesn’t inspire. Joy and love inspire. If there can’t be joy? Let there be peace. But do not act from anywhere below peace (peace is the middle of that metaphorical ladder). Always climb up and then act. Acting from below peace always brings suffering.

The world has been broken for thousands of years.

We may not see it fully heal in our lifetime, so don’t attach to that outcome. Wish for it, ask for it, pray for it, keep optimism alive and thriving in your heart for it. But don’t make your happiness dependent upon the outside world being better. You have to do it the other way around. Sounds crazy, sure. But you’ll see.

Attach yourself instead to developing your character. Be true to your word. Be kind. Not just to people who are kind to you, but be kind because you choose to be kind. Realise to be loving is to be of service to others. But not in a slave, pushover kind of way. In a calm and considered way from a high level of awareness.

This means understanding that you don’t love people as you want to love them or think they should be loved, it means being the person they need.

That’s not always the person you want to be or can be. And that’s where you learn your limitations. Each limitation you uncover within you gives you a choice. You turn away or you lean in. Leaning in is the equivalent of working out. It’s hard at the time but you become stronger for it. You evolve. You expand.

Be aware of your privilege and trauma in equal measure.

Look to those ahead of you for inspiration, but not so much you lose confidence in yourself and lose heart. Look to those behind you when you need to be reminded to be grateful, but not so much that it fills you with heartache and grief. They are operating at a different level of consciousness and what seems terrible to you, is not nearly as terrible to them. It’s hardest to apply this understanding at the extremes (eg war).

Be reminded of this when you are 👇🏻

Not one person ever was truly helped or healed by your grief over their situation.

People are helped by you being your best self. Your healthiest self. Your most inspirational and courageous self. Your kindest, warmest, happiest self. Which means that you must become a professional at top tier self care, self protection, knowing your limits, unapologetically asserting what you need when you need it and investing in things that bring you joy.

Then you have something truly valuable and magical and healing to offer the world; from the top of the ladder you can cheer on those below you. You become the hope that they need. The light that they need. The love that they need. Be bold. Be brave. Be safe (but not too safe… you’re getting the paradox thing now, right?!). Nothing great ever came from only safety… or only danger 😂.

Dearest 72639DKNY+ youth,

Your task, and your only task is to become love and share that love.

That is how you change the world ❤️