Dancing to Britney And Coming Out

Everyone knew I was gay before I said a word. No one told me, they figured I would come around when the time was right. But I didn't know that. Which made coming to terms with my orientation that much more difficult. 

There are so many stories about queer people coming out and being kicked out of their house. Or worse. Many stories cover the worst of what happened when someone came out. 

I was terrified. I was also only nineteen at the time.

Yet, that fear did not stop me from loving Britney. Even in that stage of my life, I knew she was my icon. I knew every word to every song. The dance moves were seared into my brain the way geography should have been, at least according to my teachers. 

One night at work, I was the choreography to "Oops... I did it again," while I mopped the floor. My childhood friend and coworker, Julia, eyed me. At first, I thought she was going to joke about my dance moves. But then she dropped this question on me. 

"Are you gay?" 

My defense reflexes snapped into place. "No, Why would you ask me that?" 

"Ed, it's ok. Are you gay?" 

"Yes," I said after I studied her to see if she meant what she said. "I'm gay."

Saying those words out loud was a watershed moment for me. It was like a thousand pounds of stress were suddenly released and given back to the universe.

When she hugged me, the floodgates opened. I cried on my friend's shoulder for what felt like an eternity. When I was done, she smiled at me and repeated that it was ok.

Oops... I Came Out Again

Having told Julia, I felt a tad more confident in sharing my news with some of my other friends at school. But who was I going to tell? I decided to share with my best friend and her sister.

One night before Christmas, we were making cookies. As we discussed the things we wanted for the holiday and the family we hoped to see, I started to feel like it was time to share. 

"Sam, I have something to tell you," I said after taking a deep breath. 

"You're gay," she answered. I shot her a confused look, "mom, figured it out and told me. She said that if your mom kicked you out, you could come stay here."

Suddenly, all of that fear I had of being homeless seemed to have been for naught. Why hadn't I thought of people rallying around me? Of course, there were people who loved me no matter what. 

I still thought it wiser to not say anything to my own parents for the time being. But I figured, I could talk to my sisters and let them know. After all, we were fairly close, and they could help me see where mom and dad stood. 

"Just so you know, I'm gay," I said to my sister Clara. 

"Water is wet," she replied. 

"What?" 

"I thought we were stating obvious facts," she grinned. 

She encouraged me to talk to my dad. As she pointed out, he was the noncustodial parent. So, if he freaked out, then nothing terrible would happen. 

But she advised me to stay positive.

Coming Out One More Time

My relationship with my dad was strained to say the least. After the divorce, he and I battled one another like it was a game of Risk. Still, on his appointed weekend, I decided to talk to him. 

My sisters magically had events with their friends. So, it was just me and my dad. The discussion basically was about work and where I wanted to go to college.

"Where do you want to get dinner?" Dad asked, exasperated with the lack of answers I was giving him. 

"I'm gay," I blurted out. 

We talked for a bit about my coming out. He was hurt that I thought he would turn his back on me, though he admitted that he understood why I felt that way. 

He made me promise to be safe, the same as if I were straight. Then, he made it a point to tell me that he thought I was one of the bravest people he knew for living my truth. 

"But there's one thing that still hasn't been talked about," he said. 

"What's that?" I asked. 

"McDonald's or Wendy's for dinner?" 

"How about Burger King?" 

That was a turning point for my dad and me. It was like the invisible wall between disappeared. The battles that we once fought so valiantly didn't matter. 

In a sea of negative coming out stories, I share mine to be a shining light. Yes, bad things can and do happen. But there are also positive stories that hopefully can help someone in the same position that I was in.