Being Your Own Change!!

Today I started my online training to be an advocate for STAR® (Sexual Trauma Awareness and Response). I took about 2 hours to read and watch videos on the history of not just STAR® but also on the movement against Sexual Violence. This first few parts of my training culminated with a great Ted Talk by Tarana Burke who coined the term #MeToo. It's been a long road to even get as far as we have in the fight against Sexual Violence be it Rape, Domestic Violence, Workplace Harassment or Stalking. I watched some videos about the early movement of awareness and response with woman such as Gloria Steinem, Barbara Jordan, and Dianne Feinstein. There was also a great Ted Talk by Jackson Katz about Violence against women being a man's issue. (Included below)

It's very like me to start a project/an endeavor during the most trying times. I think this may be one of the things that makes me grow stronger. I started therapy in 2017 whilst in the midst of one of my biggest most angriest periods of meltdown ever. What I discovered then was why I was so very angry and most especially how much I was blaming myself for it. This year when my energy level has been at an all time low I not only committed to the Stafford Challenge (Writing a poem a day for one year) but during April I also committed to writing one poem every day for NAPOWRIMO's Poem a day during National Poetry month (April). And of course this means I have chosen to write ***2*** poems every day during April. On top of all the extra writing I have been accepted into STAR's training program as a volunteer/advocate during a time when we have the worst type of person running this country. A man who boasts about grabbing a woman by her genitals.

Today, after the 2 hours I did in the training module, I got a thought in my head. Might end up just a quote or maybe made into a longer poem. It was:

More important than my pain is what I have done with it. – Sam Harty

I often say that I bled ink for things. My love for Nilüfer, my art, etc... I feel as passionate about advocating for Survivors of Sexual Violence. I want to be there, listen and support. It means so much to me and is also a testament to my therapist Racheal Hebert who saw me through it all from 2017 to current. But most of all it is me not just surviving but growing, allowing my past, my pains, my trauma to be used for the betterment of others.

I wrote the poem! Sometimes you just have to take a beat, wait and let the words come. And that's what I did this afternoon after lunch.

__________________

Pain to Action!

If possibility is a gift

then experience is a road

how you walk upon it

depends on how your life

unfolds.

Anger

Denial

Blame

Used to be all the same

in my kaleidoscopic brain.

Times spent wondering

if I was going insane

holding myself not as much

accountable but more to blame.

Body autonomy was never

taught to me in school

back in the day

woman were taught to do

as their husbands said and

obey.

Nothing was really ever

wrong with me but something

wrong happened anyway

to make me the Survivor

I am today.

Understanding

Acceptance

Growth

Truth unfolds like a blanket

The realization that there

was no true consent

led to years in therapy

Hundreds of hours talking

finally made a dent.

Years have passed,

time moves on

I've stopped singing

the blues - oh woe is me

and completely changed

my tune and my vocabulary.

One doesn't overcome

forgetting the trauma

by burying it deep inside

only by realizing

we're not victims but

people who overcame by

walking tall with pride.

Pride

Voice

Hope

To share words with others

of encouragement

to persevere each day

and never decide to quit

More important than my pain

is what I have done with it.

__________________

Thanks for reading! - Sam

++Jackson Katz Ted Talk++