Are toy participating in MAXIMCOVERGIRL.COM ?

June 15, 2022

Yes, I am. And I’ll win. Because I’m not just aiming to be a Maxim model. I’m aiming to be the Supermodel of the World.

I never truly imagined myself a fashion model. They are so feminine, tall, expressionless. But as a child, I loved fashion. I loved drawing pretty pictures of pretty girls in pretty dresses. I remember creating this little store where my girls had tons of options to mix and match whacky tops and bottoms. I stole the beautiful lilac toga off my cousin’s Megara doll. I was ecstatic to receive the quinceañera doll at my friend’s celebration, so I could rip off the dress and invent something new.

But my love and appreciation for femininity became limited to my imagination- I mostly refused to wear girly clothes myself. When I was old enough to have a concept of the gender binary, I rejected it. I decided to change my favorite color from purple to blue, because purple was too associated with that girly color pink. I wore tomboy clothes for years, covering my hairy legs and arms behind bell-bottom jeans and sweatshirts. But I loved excuses to get girly and be “forced” to wear a dress, like at my First Communion when I was 9. And I loved, really loved, playing with and dressing up dolls, and play-pretending to be an enchanting mermaid, witch, spy, and queen.

When I was old enough to drown in deep shame about my non-conformist style, I succumbed to the pressure to hide my acne and masculine looks behind makeup. I started performing femininity halfway through high school. And it did boost my confidence. So I became more feminine and more feminine until I stopped recognizing myself completely.

When I was old enough to finally break from the disillusion and lies, I came out. At 25 years old, came out as queer during the height of the pandemic in October 2020. In the Spring of 2021, I came out as non-binary and gender-fluid. I realized I didn’t agree with the social construction of gender and I wanted to exist outside of it. Yet I still felt deeply connected to my experience of being raised a girl and treated as a woman. It was important for me to claim the struggle and power of being a female-bodied person, even when it became difficult to perform femininity.

And today, I come out to the world as transgender. Because there was always a boy in me, a Prince, and there was always a girl, in me, a Princess. But the Prince and Princess got locked at the top of the castle’s tower deep inside my shadow. And in their isolation and exile, they grew into a Drag King and a Drag Queen.

So here I am, on my 27th birthday, celebrating the Gemini Twins. I celebrate Papá Chihuahua, the depressed middle school boy who makes a joke out of everything, starts a Youtube, and is quite brilliant at math and science. I celebrate Desmina, the gorgeous, fierce, absolutely insane woman whose ego may be a little too big. But she deserves the attention, because Desmina is a manic mad genius. But most importantly, I celebrate Selena, the precious, magical child who does nothing but love and dream, and is unapologetically creative and curious.

Papá Chihuahua is a Trickster King. Desmina Nina Chihua is a powerful Queen Witch. Selena Soriano Chavez is a Moon Goddess and regular human. Well, more like a huge weirdo who is funny, generous, and kind. Selena is learning to use their voice, creativity, and intelligence to tell the story of their Dream, and to fight for justice and liberation. Papá Desmina Selena is a warrior.

In college, Rupaul’s Drag Race- the ultimate competition to be Supermodel of the World, introduced me to a culture that would change my life- queer drag culture. At first, I also never imagined becoming a Drag Queen. Drag was for gay men dressing as women, I thought. Yet I came alive during Halloween, which I used to say was the only time of year I was creative. I worked magic- went into my closet, threw together a few items, and crafted a character.

And over the years, I realized that queer culture, and drag culture, made me feel like I belonged. I felt like myself again. So Papá, Desmina, and Selena finally broke out of the closet, out of the castle. And I realized that drag is for everyone. Drag allowed me to reclaim my femininity with passion and compassion. Drag allowed me to celebrate my masculinity and indulge in campy clever jokes. Branding myself as a Drag Queen, a Drag King, and a Drag Queeng, gave me permission to love the full spectrum of my shadow selves- in their oddness, divergence, and dark brilliance. Drag drowned me in rainbows, glitter, and pride.

Drag, and performing in drag, was my first real introduction to the fashion and modeling industry. So we signed up for the Maxim Magazine Cover Girl Competition. Because- why not? Logically, we could donate the money as part of our UC Berkeley graduate school art/ research project- right? Well, yes. And intuitively, the competition would finally allow Desmina the Drag Queen to shine in the spotlight. It would give Papá Chihuahua something to make a meme of behind the computer screen. And the competition would motivate Selena to make costumes, throw on glitter, tell a story, and Dream.

So remember to #VoteDesmina, #VotePapá and #VoteSelena to be the next Maxim Magazine 2022 Cover Girl. Thank you for your attention and support.

Much Gratitude,

Papá Desmina Selena Soriano Chihuahua Chávez